Kink Dating Apps

Fetlife is so last year. A discussion of four dating and community apps for kinksters: Whiplr, KNKY, Kinkstr and KinkD.

(Image: KNKY)

A couple of years ago I estimated the number of kinksters in the Netherlands. I used the number of Fetlife users worldwide and divided it by the same global number for Facebook. Femdom Resource did something similar by looking at the ratio of kinky people to city population and came up with a list of most kinky cities, relatively that is. He used the KinkD subscription numbers per city as input for his estimate.

"My Family's Slave": A Story about Modern Day Slavery

Last May The Atlantic published a story by Alex Tizón, called "My family's slave." After I read it, I knew, this is what I want to write about for this year's edition of the International Day for the Abolition of Slavery. I urge you to read the story for yourself, but a warning: it's not an easy read.

Jacky in the Kingdom of Women

A satirical French movie, in which gender roles are reversed, has a distinct femdom tone.

Man with chador and o-ring looking for love
(image: Jacky in the kingdom of women)

Before I begin, yes I am aware that the phrase 'kingdom of women' is ironic. I'll save the discussion for when I write about the OWK.

Ever dreamt of a country where women rule and men are lead around on a leash? Of course you have. Dream no more and emigrate to Bubanne, a fictional matriarchal tyranny lead by the Generales, who enjoys hanging people, mainly men of course.

"Bring your Master to Work" Day

One woman wants to wear her slave collar to work, another one asks her co-workers to address her boyfriend as master at the office party. What can possibly go wrong?

Office party!

I found this particular little gem on Not Just Bitchy and it is from 2016. If you work in an office you know a lot of things are completely absurd. Just think about the management jargon being used, expressions such as “doing a deep dive”, “reaching out”, and “thought leadership”. I don't know what they mean by that, but more often than not it is nonsense.

Douchebag Dom Wants New Sub to Kick Out Current One

Collar Me folded in 2014 to be replaced by Collar Chat. As usual I'm a bit slow, so today for the first time I visited the site and while there were many hilarious conversations, one stood out. Not because it was funny but because of how sad it was.

Classic Namio Harukawa

Alpha-Inn, Tokyo: The World's only BDSM Hotel

In February 2015 I wrote an article called 'delicious dungeon furniture'. It is the all-time most popular post on this blog. Why remains a mystery. In its introduction I mentioned that one day I would set up my own chain of BDSM parlors, loosely based on the Alpha-Inn Fashion Hotel in Tokyo. Today it is time for a closer look.

Un-Dommely Behaviour

Are there rules on how a domme oughta behave? Should there be? What does dominance mean anyway?

One happy domme (Image: Clair Adams for Men in Pain)

There once was a man who was richer than anybody else. Like the rest of the jet-set he enjoyed skiing in the winter in some posh Swiss village. Unlike them all, he didn't care what he looked like. After yet another day filled with snowy adventures, he and the rest of the jet-set inevitably settled down for dinner in one particular restaurant. It took the participants on average two hours to get dressed for this big non-event. Not him, he quickly changed into a pair of jeans and a comfortable - ugly - sweater. Why?

The Beast Yapoo III: Translation in Progress

The Beast Yapoo has been translated in several languages, but not English. Finally someone has made a start with it.

If you look at the cannon of BDSM books, three books stand out. First there is The 120 Days of Sodom written by Marquis the Sade, the words sadism and sadists are derived from his name. Then there is Venus in Furs a novella written by the Austrian author Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, the namesake for the word masochism.

Miniature Rope Bondage Chairs

Art is whatever you want it to be, but these miniature rope bondage chairs have little to do with either art or kink.

All similarities with the world's kinkiest chair are purely coincidental

Last month I wrote about the world's kinkiest chair. Why? Mainly because I love the idea of turning everyday objects into kink toys. And of course because it was a beautiful image, rating 9/10 on my fetish fantasy scale, but above all because it was devoid of the usual metal bars 'n cuffs. The colours were spot-on too.

The World's Kinkiest Chair

The image of a chair makes me wonder: when do everyday objects become kink toys. One chair certainly does!

There's something about that tiny black fussball on a cord...

A chair is just a chair, unless.... Oh, come on! You know what this blog is all about. Just spill it. Yes, that's right! Some chairs are more equal than others. The real question is why. That's a good one.

You wouldn't want to get Marmite on your Furry Handcuffs

It is that time of year again. Today is the first of August and most of the Western world is officially on holiday. Going abroad brings its own problems. For some British that means surviving a fortnight or more without Marmite, a typical British product, little seen outside the country.

Dominatrix Turned Police Officer Suspended over Her Past

A former dominatrix turns police officer, but is suspended just before graduation when her superiors find out about her past.

We should be able to do the job we love.

Changing careers can be challenging, especially if you used to be a dominatrix. Today I ran into a story on one of the boards about Domina Nyx. Six days before graduating from police academy she was suspended after her bosses found out she used to work as a professional dominatrix and shooting a number of BDSM movies.

Don't Kill Bill

WARNING: This article contains spoilers from Doctor Who series 10 episode 11: World Enough and Time.

Full Frontal Missy (Image: BBC/Doctor Who)

Missy: “Hello, I’m Doctor Who, and these are my plucky assistants, Thing One and … the other one. We picked up your distress call, and here we are to help, like awesome heroes.”

Humiliatrix Ceara Lynch: “Weird is normal to me”

By chance I stumbled upon an interview with Ceara Lynch in the Daily Dot. It dates back to mid-April and even for someone who isn't into her speciality it makes a good read.

Ceara Lynch (image: The Daily Dot)

“A humiliatrix is like a dominatrix, but instead of using whips and chains, I use my words,” Lynch explains. “I abuse men verbally, not physically. The internet is my dungeon.”

You've Got Mail

As a male sub I'm slightly amused by the rambling messages other subs send me, begging for the opportunity to serve. When you are a domme it must be very annoying. Some examples from my inbox.

Watch and learn...

That Alpha Thing

A few days ago I read a post by a well-known American pro-domme. It was your usual alpha rant - with a twist. Whenever I see the word "alpha" I get upset before I've even read the article. This time was no different.

The dominatrix expected her potential clients to devote their lives to something bigger than themselves: HER. Just the sheer fact you consider yourself an alpha personality is enough to get me cross. For one, I truly believed that any alpha worth the name will never refer to herself as such. Imagine how silly that would be. A "true" alpha surveys the landscape and divides it in those they are going have to fight for supremacy and those that will surrender without hesitation.

Shibari You Can Use

A book on bondage techniques might just be the thing to get you started.

By chance I stumbled upon a book about Shibari. Bondage is one of the things I enjoy and the possibilities that rope offers are endless. Despite that I prefer leather cuffs - let's say it's a different kind of menace.

The Black and White Uniform

Can a conventional dress - or colour combination - also be "apropriate" domme outfit?

Throughout this blog I have confessed to several femdom 'sins'. Last year for example, I admitted that I love toys. Like most slaves I enjoy dommes in 'traditional' outfits. Traditional being leather and latex uniforms. Just remember a like is not a necessity.

Memoires of a Heroin-Addicted Dominatrix

When a newspaper article puts the emphasis on a woman's years working as a dominatrix instead of the woman she has become.

If that headline isn't click-bait, I don't know what is. Today British newspaper The Guardian has an article on Melissa Febos, an academic who worked as a professional dominatrix when she was in college. She also struggled with heroin addiction during those years. My initial reaction was: "here we go again."

Stealing Her Happiness

Any man worth the name would give up his soul for the woman he loves. Unfortunately that is a far cry from the average slave who obeys his mistress. No matter how you look at it, love is superior. Always and forever.

Kink is not a choice, it is part of who you are. It's also one of many reasons why Fifty Shades is no more than just another silly novel. Unfortunately, we, the choosen ones, pay a price for our alternative sexual orientation. That price comes in many ways. Just think about the vast hoards of dommes roaming the hills and valleys of Fetlife for that one unicorn, they praise as the perfect slave. Meanwhile on the other side of them hills where the grass is inevitably greener, those very same slaves disown themselves in search of that one, last available siren, the woman they - one day - are privileged to call mistress.

Secret Society of Sadistic Secretaries SOS Part V: The 400 to 1 Grand Finale

The 400 to 1 Grand Finale.

Part Five of the Secret Society of Sadistic Secretaries. Part Four: Here

A fictional tale about a real world secret


In between individual presentations and the panel discussion that would wrap up the convention, the organization had planned a bit of entertainment. Yes, that is correct: more fun at my expense. My services were called upon once again. Well, not exactly called upon, nor summoned. I was simply there, tied up with no way out. On top of that I was exhausted from the non-stop carnage I'd endured all morning.

As always: No way out.

As a guy who considers kink to be a liberal interpretation of sex and hence women, the whole thing had been an emotional drain from the start. On top of that I was worn down physically. Her smile - and the occasional sparkle in her eye - is what kept me going. Not that it prepared me for what was to come.

Silly Science: BDSM as a Tourist Destination

When science turns to studying BDSM, the results are more than a bit odd. Nobody compares BDSM to tourism.

Not suited for accidental tourists.

We all are who we are. Our sexuality is for the most part genetically defined. Despite that BDSM is a long way from being generally accepted. Let me give you a recent example. According to IT website The Register: "A prominent contributor to the open source Drupal content management system has been asked to distance himself from project because his belief system is inconsistent with [the] project's goals."

Trust

A domme who is able to control her sadism when necessary inadvertently reveals her inner strength in a way few people ever will.

 

Trying to explaing what the kinky comfort zone means to me, I realized there is another element in femdom I cherish: the deep bond between two people under the most adverse of circumstances.

Trust is hard. We all got burned in the past. We will all get burned in the future. Despite that, stop trusting others is the worst we can do. Trust matters. Trust, but be smart about it. Especially when it comes to S&M and you are literally helpless, when you find yourself at the mercy of your mistress.

Fifty Shades Darker

They just had to do it, again.

This February, two years ago, I pitied the fool who got tickets to see the original "Fifty Shades" movie on Valentine's Day. I even came up with a list of movies to see instead. I'm quite sure watching "Fifty Shades" wreaked havoc - of a different kind - on many a relationship. Unintended consequences and so on.

Fifty Shades Darker (Image: The New York Times)

San Francisco Armory: From Kink HQ to Musical Venue

end of an era

The Armory is a BDSM movie studio - a haven perhaps - that stands out for its educational qualities. The 200.000 sq foot building will soon be converted into a musical theatre. Yet the tune of femdom movies will continue to go on in Las Vegas.

The San Franciso Armory - Most likely successor to the OWK

After watching the final episode of Sherlock, series four, I began to fantasize where to relocate the Other World Kingdom (OWK) to. The idea came to me after seeing a top secret prison facility on the show - don't ask.

Remote Controlled Electrical Implant

Perhaps "no limits" isn't such a good idea after all...

Mistress Minax with her hooded slave girl.

One of the things I like most when it comes to kink is the weird stuff. By its very definition kink is weird. But what I mean is the things that most kinksters consider unusual.

Some time ago I ran into an Alice in Bondageland video on one of the tubes. They are among my favourite because mistress Alice "wants to put the fun back into femdom." I couldn't agree more.

Highly Tributed Lifestyle Domme Part V 11 Reasons to Visit a Pro-Domme

In this fifth and final episode of the "Highly Tributed Lifestyle Domme", I'm not only happy to have escaped her clutches, I also give you 11 reasons why you should consider visiting a pro-domme.

Nobody questions her motives.

The "highly tributed lifestyle domme" series was inspired by a single comment to Miss Pearl's article on why she never will go pro. I disagree with Miss Pearl on many issues - good thing there is no right or wrong when it comes to kink - but her overall writing stands out.

Preaching to the [Non-Consensual] Perverted

For the nth time I ran into a "kink' video where a grown woman molests a doll. Everybody knows that doll is a substitute for a child. Legally nothing wrong with it. But it is not OK.

Chopped of the lady's head for her own good.

For many new readers of this blog, my writing often comes across as a roller-coaster at first. Spend a little time and you will agree that femdom - in all its wonderful varieties - is what I write about. Part of that deals with things that need fixing - or sometimes are dead wrong - in the femdom community.

Everyday Sadism

Sadism is not limited to kink. Chances are you already met one or more sadists in the office.

Kink is not all fun and games. We all know a number of dominant players who are untrustworthy, dishonest or just plain danger. That is before you start to think of those bad, dangerous people who seek refuge in the kink community. Quite a few of those scary monsters don't care about wrong or right. It is just as irrelevant to them as the difference between consensual and non-consensual.

Bring Back Our Girls. Now & Alive

New Year's Day 2017. It's been 993 days since 217 girls were abducted in Nigeria. They are still not home. Happy New Year!

Hope Endures

To be honest, I never believed they were "our" girls in the first place. Then again, nobody ever did, albeit for different reasons. A classic tale about climbing the Mount Everest has it that the first people to conquer it, ran into Coca Cola paraphernalia at various hights on their way to the top. After a successful return to base, they were puzzled, conveniently ignoring the fact the being the first high profile Westerner to climb the mountain is not the same as the first person - i.e. local - to conquer it.

Secret Society of Sadistic Secretaries SOS Part IV: The Ties That Bind

The Ties that Bind

Part Four of the Secret Society of Sadistic Secretaries. Part Three: Here

A fictional tale about a real world secret


In order to be tax-deductible these kind of conventions have to be business related before happy hour starts. Usually a panel discussion solves that. More often than not they are frivolous time wasters. The sadistic secretaries had taken a different approach altogether and engaged in a serious discussion on how to control and own your boss. On the invoice it probably looks something like "attendance HTCAOYB conference 2016" but who cares.

Before the discussion started, several speakers explained how they handled their bosses, not that boss is the proper term given the context. What was most palpable was the enthusiasm with which they told about how they controlled those men. Highly creative also.

Secret Society of Sadistic Secretaries SOS Part III: Showtime

SOS Part III: Showtime

Part Three of the Secret Society of Sadistic Secretaries. Part Two: Here

A fictional tale about a real world secret


Is that your boi? I heard some pride in mistress voice as she said yes.

"Come on slavey" the strange voice said. Keeping me on a short leash, the lady walked me towards the entrance of a large building. Mistress was nowhere in sight and I started to freak out. In the main hall, the mysterious woman tied me to a pillar and left me alone as a large gathering of women slowly drifted by. Not one of them was the least surprised. I felt naked without mistress. I didn't care I had no clothes on. I felt vulnerable without her.

As it turned out later, this was the easy part.

As it turned out later, she was right behind me the whole time. I should have know, but fear took over.

Disney Dommes: Which Villainess has the most Dominatrix Pedigree?

Disney is often criticized for how it portrays women: mostly subjugated with one exception: the female villains. That made me wonder which female Disney villain is a dominatrix in disguise?

Helga Sinclair, underappreciated Disney villainess in jodhpurs. (Image: MPaulaFranco)

Some years ago I spent Christmas Day in Cairo. After I got up, Robin Williams began dressing up as Mrs. Doubtfire for the umpteenth time. My mostly British fellow travellers clearly considered the movie part of a cherished Christmas tradition. Dutch being Dutch didn't quite agree. Then again my list of Christmas movies doesn't include The Sound of Music either. I prefer Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, the original one with Gene Wilder. And yes whenever kids are around, Disney is always a good Christmas choice. Just don't mix Bambi with your Christmas Dinner.

True Love is the Ultimate Submission

Today - Christmas Day - a special love story - sad and painful to read. How my mother passed away and how my dad stood by her, no matter what.

To love is to serve and be served. Who cares?

The old man tied the balloons to their house and let go. Pretty good as your back-up Personal Legend, don’t you think so? Just before lift-off the movie Up has this one shot. A pivotal one, where a sign on the wall says: "Death ends a life, not a relationship" Deep down, we all know it's true.  Yet it takes an animated motion picture to make us realize such a simple truth.

Kink vs Love - Two Tribes

Servitude is all about you. Love is about her. In the spirit of Christmas Future - aka tomorrow - I am wondering about the deeper nature of servitude in all its forms.

When love takes over.

Time for some banter these last days of December. Just heard that Christmas Classic “The Power of Love” by Frankie goes to Hollywood on the radio. It reminded me of their 1980’s smash hit “Two Tribes”. Hard to imagine these days, but the Eighties were the height of the Cold War. Civilisation could be wiped out any moment because of the atomic bomb.

When it comes to kink there are also two tribes that often clash: love and servitude. So what if love and servitude would have to battle it out in the arena of devotion. Who would win?

Secret Society of Sadistic Secretaries SOS Part II: An Eventful Afternoon

An Eventful Afternoon

Part Two of the Secret Society of Sadistic Secretaries. Part One: Here

A fictional tale about a real world secret


It took mistress and me years to get where we are now, but I am finally able to completely surrender to mistress. In all fairness, it's the woman - not the mistress - I give myself up to. Doesn't mean it isn't hard or difficult every single time but if you look at kink as an extension of your relationship - rather than a replacement - happy femdom exists by the grace of a healthy, loving relationship.

"Tell me again Dutch: Who is in charge?

Sharing our kink with others makes me feel uncomfortable - as in outside of our 2-person bubble. The whole Sadistic Secretary thing was too much already. What if we run into someone I knew? What if my very own secretary showed up?  However the dice had been cast and I had no choice but to comply.

Secret Society of Sadistic Secretaries SOS Part I: The Day Before

The Day Before

Part One of the Secret Society of Sadistic Secretaries

A fictional tale about a real world secret


There are many secret societies around the globe, but once the world finds about you, it is silly to hang on to the adjective secret. Then there are those institutions that are truly private. One of them is the Secret Society of Sadistic Secretaries. Hindsight is always 20/20 and upon hearing about it, it made sense. There are those who believe they are in charge and then there are the ones who are really in charge.

White collar workers are very much aware who really rules their world - the secretaries or management assistants as they are called nowadays. I have encountered many, some sweet, others beyond bitchy. Some are hired for their good looks and others are simply phenomenal. What I didn't know is that a number of them congregate once a year. Those in attendance share one characteristic: they are sadists. Most people understand how a nurse can be a sadist or perhaps a dentist, but a secretary? Well think again, cause once you step into the office, you enter their domain, which they usually run with an iron fist, without you being aware of it. That said, some have rather unusual methods to support and guide their bosses.

Filthy Shades Part IV - The Biggest Insult to the BDSM Community Ever

Never been a fan of Fifty Shades, but rewriting history with part four of the shady trilogy, gets me cross.  There is no cure and nobody oughta look for one. No excuses. We all are who we are. Period.

At least they got the parental advisory right.

Today's world chops up each and every "life experience" into easily digestable slices intended for riskfree and smooth consumption. To live is no longer to experience, but being able to brag about homogeneous, bland and zero-risk – whatever – thingies. All that matters is to cross it off your bucket list. Whatever it is.  One tweet is all you are allowed to enjoyed. Followed by an endless parade of your 1,000 closest friends who trumph you by saying: "Been there, done that. What took you so long?" The burden of modern day society: aka conformity. Not playing by the rules is even worse. Haven't swam in boiling hot lava before the age of ten? Your life is over before it begins. Jump into an active volcano and just get it over with.

Modern Day Slavery - 11 Articles

December 02 is the annual  International Day for the Abolition of Slavery. Me so [real] horny gets boring after a while. Once a year I write about modern day slavery and real people, whose suffering is real. This year a selection of 11 articles that chronicle modern day slavery.

Slavery, a 21st century evil

The freedom to make your own choices - especially when it comes to playing games, no matter how weird they are - is a privilege. In the real world millions of people live in terrible conditions that are so bad that they are referred to as modern day slaves. This June I wrote about a newspaper article stating that there are 17.500 modern slaves in the Netherlands. I was shocked.


We close our eyes
Western governments and its people have closed their eyes for too long when it comes to modern day slavery. The first International Day for the Abolition of Slavery was celebrated just 30 years ago. Once a year, on December 02 - International Day for the Abolition of Slavery - I write about slavery in the real world. This year I selected 11 articles that chronicle modern day slavery. So please, next time when you proudly proclaim "for us it's real", think about what you say.

Even in the "civilized' world - our world.

Big Bang Theory goes BDSM

Season 10 of The Big Bang Theory features a short dungeon clip, that was dropped from the final cut, because advertisers objected.

Too obvious., the smart guy tied up and the sexy girl plays the dominant role.

Some two years ago I wrote about the US sitcom The Big Bang Theory about four guys know all about science and nothing about life. Then I realised something odd. All men were in a D/s relationship without knowing.

The Beast Yapoo II: Absolute Existence - Mistress Naomi Asano

Naomi Asano is the founder of Yapoo, the legendary Japanese femdom video label. A repost of two lengthy translations found elsewhere that capture the essence of mistress Naomi's philosophy. Hint: it is not about boy worships girl. It has something to do with human cattle.

Few mistresses will ever rise to the level of femdom royalty. No need to be famous. There is a simple reason for that. In the end it is all about the woman - not the domme. Only a few women – not dommes - have what it takes. I once met one of them. Don’t know if slaves are allowed to be happy. If not I’m the world’s biggest sinner. She left her mark on me, forever – on the inside that is. No-one will ever know – how poetic – just the two of us. Then again, it’s the inside that counts, don’t you agree?

Clara Oswald - The Impossible Girl in Full Control

Now that the new Doctor Who sidekick has been introduced it is time to look back on Clara Oswald and how the impossible girl - and not the Doctor - is in full control. Still not a fan though.

From the 2013 Doctor Who Episode "Bells of Saint John"

As of 2017 Pearl Mackie will be Doctor Who’s new companion. The character she plays is funny and geeky and vulnerable. There’s a goofiness to her and a big heart. She gets things wrong, she has a temper. Apart from Theresa May becoming PM, no other appointment of a British woman this year has excited so much fuss.

Kink is about fun. Odd fun, incomprehensebable fun, but fun nonetheless.  Some take their kink to serious and can't separate it from real life. You know the ones who keep nagging  about "for us it is real"{ Now really? Come on!)

One Woman Standing Up Against Injustice

Another shooting, another protest. Who keeps track? The truth is no longer relevant. In recent events, one woman stood out: Mrs. Ieisha Evans

The only danger Mrs. Ieisha Evans posses is the truth. Scary stuff and so on if you are a bad guy.

OK, I made up that headline because it sounds right. A few weeks ago I wrote about how in the end nobody wins. My question is plain and simple. Why arrest a woman who poses no threat, whichever way you look at it. It ain't wrong, it's plain evil. Coming from a Caucasian male, that means things are bad, as is bad beyond repair. Let's hope I'm wrong.

I'm all-right. I'll always be. Caucasian male with a three piece suit to spare and so on. But what about the people I love? What if she were my daughter? Yes I'd be proud of her. I'd also be terribly scared. Not only because she has to live in a dishonest world where checks and balances are only for those who fit the profile. Find yourself outside of the mould and you are on your own. Grrr.