Friday, October 27, 2017

Un-Dommely Behaviour

Are there rules on how a domme oughta behave? Should there be? What does dominance mean anyway?

femdom, dominatrix, mistress, claire adams, men in pain
One happy domme (Image: Clair Adams for Men in Pain)

There once was a man who was richer than anybody else. Like the rest of the jet-set he enjoyed skiing in the winter in some posh Swiss village. Unlike them all, he didn't care what he looked like. After yet another day filled with snowy adventures, he and the rest of the jet-set inevitably settled down for dinner in one particular restaurant. It took the participants on average two hours to get dressed for this big non-event. Not him, he quickly changed into a pair of jeans and a comfortable - ugly - sweater. Why?

Maybe it was his money or perhaps it was his personality. But whatever it is, he choose to be free from the restrictions other people tried to impose on him. His steak tasted all the better for it.

What does this have to do with femdom, you ask? Earlier today I ran into a peculiar  question "Are you okay with 'un-dominatrix-like' behaviour by your favourite domina?" I honestly don't know what it means. What I do know, is that it doesn't make sense on so many levels.

Let's not get into the whole topping from the bottom thing, "cause that's what the whole are you okay with..." thing stands for. Mind you, it is not the same thing as compatibility between mistress and slave. That's an essential quality. After all, everybody knows, without a shared mindset, things won't work out.

Unsurprisingly the forum lit up red-hot. Most of the comments were along the line of: "if she [She] doesn't abide by my rulebook, she is not a proper domme [and she has also ruined my femdom fantasy.]" It struck me as rather odd for a femdom-oriented website.

To me, being a domme [or sub] is all about the power to be free and do what you like. Yes, there are subs who look at their mistress and can only see the woman they love, quelle horreur! Don't worry, it gets worse. There are also dommes who enjoy vanilla sex, some of them even with their own slaves. To add insult to injury, those slaves are usually the ones they care most deeply about. If that isn't bad enough, it has been reported that on occasion dommes fall in love with their slaves.

To me, the basic question is: what's the point of being a domme, if you can't be free from the restrictions that [the desires of] others place upon you? If you can't do as you please, you are no more than someone else's fetbot [F/m]. Playing by the rules - aka desires - of other people is just plain silly. A few quotes from the original discussion to illustrate my point.

"There aren't many women who are also dominant/tops in their relationships/behind the scenes. Especially most of the famous ones aren't."

Complete and utter nonsense. All I can say is: really? I won't even get into how they arrived at that conclusion, or why. Just forget about it. The next one is especially bad:

"the aftercare ... totally ruined the "picture" I had of her."

Silly me, I always thought aftercare was essential. Luckily then not everybody feels like this:

"Do all dommes have to buy into the man-hating female supremacist scenarios that mainstream males usually stereotype as being filled with ugly unshaved dried up old nannystate librarian professor scolds?  Is having a heterosexual appetite something that degrades a woman's power?"

There are some interesting - more positive - comments as wel. My favourite one is this:

"If sex with men is something that no hot woman wants, the fact that subs don't get it no longer separates them from other men."

Just think about that for a second.

So, what's your opinion about un-dommely behaviour? Is there such a thing or is it a figment of a selfish slave's imagination? Feel free to leave a comment.

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