Sunday, September 27, 2015

Once I Dreamt of Building Mistress a Throne

Long ago I decided that one day I was going to build mistress her very own throne, all by myself. When I saw the perfect throne, I realized, I had never given up on that idea. Learn from me. Don't dream big, it complicates everything.

My imagination running wild, or do the two columns look like 1's. Coincidence?
(Image: Guardian by Naomi VanDoren)

Most of the time I come up with innovative, useful and creative ideas. Only when it comes to kink, my otherwise brilliant plans are deemed to fail. Don't know why. But even if you fail, better do it big and in style.

Attention to detail
For some reason, where many dungeons fall short, is the finishing touch. How hard can it be to put something up on the wall and make sure it is level? Same for most paint jobs. Don't rush, do it properly. Like most things in life, what matters in DIY is all that you cannot see.
Take wallpaper for instance. Do it right, it just looks good and nobody pays attention to the work. Some comments on the choice of wallpaper perhaps. Get it wrong and everybody notices. Patterns that don't match or sheets that overlap the wrong way. And of course every time you look at it, you are reminded of just that.

Even though it is not my day job, I like working with my hands, making stuff and so. Once I decided that, when the time was right, I would build mistress her very own throne. Such a throne is a labour of love, as it should. Apart from making it with my very own hands, you can customize it any way you like. That can be as basic as adjusting the seat height for her comfort or match the colour of the furniture to that of her hair. For some reason that option works best if she is a redhead. Personally, I prefer a secret compartment with a hidden message. Something she only discovers long after I passed away, defending her honour. Or at least that is how it works in the movies.

I am not a welder, nor do I like the average metal throne very much - for some reason they are exactly what you expect them to be - and on top of that boring as well, so wood it is. Designs in metal usually yield stylish minimal results, woodwork is often over the top in a baroque kind of way. It may look impressive, but misses the point. The lavish ornaments distract and take away the attention from mistress. Chinese furniture comes closer to what I have in mind. Less is more is one of my preferred design principles. Try it, apply it to your dungeon or living room. Begin by removing the tat. Less visible elements help de-clutter a space and allow visitors to focus on those elements designed to stand out.

Shelve, Cancel, Resurrect
A plan like that takes a lot of time and a workshop, so I shelved the project until later. All the time in the world, I assumed. As I said, kink is the one area where my brilliant plans always seem to fail and shelving it turned into cancellation, or so I thought.

When I saw the image above, I knew, I never actually gave up on the project. Such a beautiful throne. The design is perfect, sleek yet opulent without being over the top. I love everything about it. The colours are well-chosen and gorgeous. The throne is literally larger than life without diverting attention from the wonderfull goddess sitting on it. Rather it does the opposite. The two sleek column on either side, reaching from the ceiling to the floor guide your eyes downwards, to the woman sitting on the throne. Functional design at its best. Still you never forget the throne is there. It also works well because the throne is part of the room. Once I realized that, I knew my project got upgraded from demanding to mission impossible, which, in all honesty, is my area of expertise. So instead of crafting mistress a throne, I now know if I want to do it right, I'll have to come up with an entire throne hall [1]. Even though I cancelled the project, maybe I should start looking for a paper route. Chance favours the prepared mind. When I meet my new mistress, better ask her how high the ceiling in the playroom are. Just in case. Lol.

Everybody knows that unless you are building a temple, a throne hall is just one of many buildings. Oh boy.

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