Years ago I had a girlfriend, who was battling a serious disease. One day she sprayed her ankle or similar, I can’t remember. The first night after the incident, I made her promise to wake me up and help her to the bathroom, just in case.
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| Why not? Whatever makes you smile. As long as you are together. On second thought: Lucky guy. |
When I woke up the next morning, she told me, every time she turned over, I woke up and sat up straight. I briefly glanced at her and fell asleep. Apparently I also helped her to the bathroom that night, twice. Can’t remember a thing, but it took me two more nights to get back to my usual routine. Or so I was told.
I’ve been on the receiving end of that experience once and it changes you profoundly. It’s beyond insane, waves of joy but so scary at the same time. It is the happiest experience of a life time. That is until doubt kicks in. What if I cannot live up to her expectations? Even though I love her, by then I hadn’t told her. Yes, I’m a fool. Afraid someone loves you too much, surreal. And what if... Well, you get it. If you’re lucky of course.
We all should do silly stuff for the people we love, multiple times. But there is a right kind of stupid and a wrong one. It took me many years to understand - she loved me - but the fact that she didn't hesitate to wake me up, something I probably wouldn't have done if the shoe was on the other foot (sorry, still learning), not only allowed me to be her guy, it made me sleep better at night, knowing yes meant yes whenever it mattered. She knew what I said was important and acted upon it. It is one of those crucial moments when people slowly inch together. It is also one of those rare opportunities for a man to show her, he is her guy, without worrying about the ifs and buts and she understood. It condenses love to its mere essence. Kind of next level. It may take some time, but in the end we all get there. Perhaps how we get there shows us what matters most. She understood what I said were not mere words but something profoundly important.
Still, to this day I am wondering, what I would have done if it was me. Would I have limped to the bathroom on my own, after looking at her and see the smile on her face while asleep. But what if I promised? Imagine I fell and couldn't get up. Even worse, what if I didn't and never told her about it. What does it say about me? And us? I'm forever grateful she did. I learned so much and not just about us. Perhaps it is life's ultimate fear: how do you strike the right balance between the various building blocks of love?
Me, I've always found it difficult to rely upon others, so when I do - or trust you to rely upon me - it is big. It is something far removed from the motions mistress and slave go through, where submission is mostly a shared vessel for fulfilling individual desires. To take, rather than to give. Yes I know I'm rambling, but to me it is relevant. Perhaps love is not "We love each other" but "I love him" together with "I love her". As always, actions speak louder than words.
Involuntarily Definitions of Love
Those two moments were instrumental in defining my views on love, lust and femdom. Simply put: love is about the other person, or even better the two of you. Servitude is about lust and desire, not about love or the other person. I know that sounds harsh, especially with all those people working to gain BDSM some legitimacy. Good luck with that in the age of Fifty Shades.
Any slave can watch over his mistress, standing silently by her bed at night. Not sure what good it does, or whose happiness it serves. “Yes, we can” anyone? After the experience with my then girlfriend, I close my eyes at night, knowing I’ll be there when I need to. Meanwhile I get some much needed rest, if only to serve her the next day. As a bonus I don’t confuse my own desires – labelled as twue submission – for her needs. What she truly needs, is not necessarily what she wants. So, if you “truly” want to serve her, love her. Even if it means you have to disobey Her on occasion. You know why. Because I love her.
1 comment :
That's how I convinced my wife that I'd be there for her too.
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