Memories Are Bullets

On Valentine’s Day I wrote about my friend who loves to travel to shitholes. If he knew I'm into femdom, he would roll his eyes in disbelief. Kinda silly, his travel destinations make him a masochist too, albeit with slightly different cravings. Not that he sees it that way.

Before The Throne Of Beauty

Before he left for Afghanistan he wrote two letters. In one of them he quoted Kill the Dead by Richard Kadrey

“Memories are bullets.
Some whiz by and only spook you.
Others tear you open and leave you in pieces.”

Prince: "Women Not Girls Rule My World"

When it comes to the colour of my dreams - it's Nina Simone. Prince died on April 21st, 2016. After I heard he passed away, my subconscious made an exception for the next few nights [1]. Rightly so. A late obituary, with a whiff of femdom.

"... not your lover. Not your friend. Something that you'll never comprehend."

On more than one occassion, usually one or two days after I visited some club in Amsterdam, I read in the papers how Prince paid a surprise visit. Ofteny he performed live on stage. It is the one thing I don’t like about Prince: him and me were out of sync, which is forever my loss.

Christian Domestic Discipline

Sexual submission meets erotic submission for a fraction of religious couples practicing Christian Domestic Discipline. Husband punishes wife only of course.

(Image: Aeon article)

Last year I watched a documentary called “Leader in the household” I neither will nor can ever agree to the notion of the man being the leader in the household. Both Vanilla Dutch and Dark Dutch are laughing at the very concept. My most fundamental premise is that we are all equal, no exception. That doesn’t mean some prefer califlower over icecream [their loss] or have spicier preferences.

The notion that religious people can rescue their relationship by putting the man in charge of all decisions, made me feel sad. It is a far cry from why two people should be together: balance and harmony, kindred spirits and a well-rounded notion of give and take, preferably one that takes into account the strengths and weakness of both lovers.

Highly Tributed Lifestyle Domme Part II - Women of the Real World

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Highly Tributed Lifestyle Domme Part I - Don't Judge

Tell me what is worse. A man who doesn’t stand up for the ones he loves or a dominant woman whose desperate desires makes her say nasty things about other [dominant] woman. Enter the “highly tributed lifestyle domme”. One more reason  why the future of femdom is bleak.

We all have life without parole. Not that I mind.
Just don't let your desires get the best of you.

Last year I read Miss Pearl’s 2013 blog post on why she makes a big deal about not being a pro femdomme. Other than being baffled why people believe pro-dommes and lifestyle are “similar", I don't like the article for two reasons. First the author consistently compares pro-dommes to something “inferior.” Secondly – and this is what really rattled my cage – one of the commenters explains how she felt more in touch with her inner “Dominant Woman” by moving on from being a pro-domme to a "highly tributed life style domme." Whatever. But why bashing pro-dommes?

Don't judge!

Respect people’s choices rather than judge them. It is a fundamental quality I look for in others. It shows tenacity, maturity, life experience and a kind heart – and yes that makes you a better domme as well. Honesty is all about strength. It demands considerable courage to tell the truth. Unfortunately certain players lack that quality. Dutch has never shied away from a good catfight, but when it comes to pjure-and-riel-lifestyle-only dommes dissing pro-dommes, it gets ugly.

A True Rebel Drinks Champagne

Earlier this week I wrote about a minivan cruising the streets and picking up slaves. Fact or fiction, it does not matter. It is a good illustration of just how crazy kink can be. Not that you hear me complain. In the words of Dutch painter Vincent van Gogh: “Normality is a paved road. It’s comfortable to walk, but no flowers grow.

The creative act is a letting down of the net of human imagination
into the ocean of chaos on which we are suspended,
and the attempt to bring out of it ideas.
― Terence McKenna

The Yapoo movies where I got the idea from are full of stuff that is not average. When it comes to kink I am curious about a lot of things. In a world increasingly governed by corporations that tell us the one twue path to happiness is to consume more and more [usually of the same] my kink feels like a guilty pleasure. It certainly is something they disapprove of. Corporate responsibility for the world we live in and so on. Note how big business is buying up land to legally grow marijuana.

11 Signs Your Girlfriend is a Dominatrix

Yesterday I wrote about Britain’s Culture Secretary who upon discovering – after many months – that the woman he dated, worked as a dominatrix, ditched her instantly. Or so he says. You have to be pretty daft not to know what your girlfriend does for a living. Hard to believe, but politics is all about plausible deniability. Here are 11 clues you can choose to plausible deny. We thank John Whittingdale for sharing these insights with us. He even graciously commented upon them.

1.   "The first time I stayed at her place, I wondered what those things in the dishwasher were. Never seen them before. I’ve given the matter considerable thought and decided it had to be an art project of some sort. This image is also what motivated me to become Culture Secretary. It just felt right. And no I did not ask her about it. Yes hindsight is always 20/20."

The Clueless Politician and the Dominatrix

"What are you willing to give me if I deliver him over to you?" So they counted out for him thirty pieces of silver. 
- Matthew 26:15

Guess that is how much a cabinet post goes for these days. Last night I watched a segment on Newsnight – the BBC’s current affairs program - about John Wittingdale, Britain’s Culture Secretary. He admitted he had been in a relationship with a sex worker - more specifically a dominatrix.

“He did not know about the woman's occupation when they were together” Now really? Of course “he ended the relationship as soon as he was made aware of her job.”

How could I know "that woman" [is way too cool for me?]
She didn't like Fifty Shades. How could I tell?

Yapoo's Slave Taxi - One Way Only

Imagine a minivan cruising the streets to pick up slaves. Of course mistress sits in the front and the slave is chained in the back. Wouldn't that be wonderful?

Make yourself comfortable boi. The real fun is only later
(Screenshot: Yapoo market venus semi documentary YMVD 006)

What I love about kink is that it is weird, wicked and daft. It doesn’t make any sense at all, yet it also is a neverending source of happiness and joy. The contradiction between the first two sentences shows just how much I enjoy the contrasts that come with femdom.

Don't Diss Dommes Who Dress Up

Who needs a dress when you can walk with fire? It’s not about looks, but what her eyes tell you. Don’t fret about the uniform.

The only leather is the belt she is holding.
Judging from the look in her eyes that is more leather than I can handle.

Life is 99 percent opinion and 1 percent fact. Femdom is 100 percent preference. One of the most hotly debated topics in kink is the domme dress. Leather or lace, how about your everyday wear? Real dommes do.... bla bla bla whatever.

Domme School and the Art of Humiliation

A few days ago I wrote about a woman, unlucky in love, who attended a class on “dominatrix training” Dominance and sadism both contain physical and mental elements. Part of the latter is a penchant most mistresses have for humiliation. As usual, I don't

Guidance is priceless, especially if you don't want to be there (Image Yapoo's Market 58, YMD-58)

Consciously or otherwise we all have a list of rules when it comes to kink. For me, one of them is not to impose my preferences upon others who do not appreciate what the dark side has to offer. That means public play is out of the question. Why shock people with what they cannot possibly understand? Ask for other people’s acceptance also means accepting their preferences. Another big no concerns privacy. I’m curious about a lot of things but I do not want kinky fun to spill over – negatively – into the rest of my life. Both rules are part of why I shy away from humiliation. I honestly do not know what I feel about the whole thing anyway. Sweet and sour at the same time – as in the majority of my kink – most likely.

New Chastity Device Is Bigger On The Inside

To be honest, I usually do not blog on April 01. No-one takes you seriously. This time however, I feel compelled to write about something rather strange. I heard it through the grapevine, there is some alien - for lack of a better word - invention that makes men crave chastity. It goes on sale today at 2:47 local time. But be afraid. Be very afraid.

Why Does Being Whipped Hurt?

It is self-evident that being whipped hurts. But why? Pain is the body's way of saying something's bad for you and it wants you to end it.

Guess what? The Gringe is back. Of course he is isn’t after me, too benign. Evil only harms the ones you love. All options – including doing nothing – make it worse. On several occasions I woke up in the middle of the night, dreaming how I beat that asshole into a bloody pulp with a baseball bat. 

For some absurd reason – distraction perhaps – it made me wonder why whips hurt. Simple question, ain’t it? Well, it is not. Search for it and you find a long list mainly about why whips crack. Apparentely people are intrigued by the sound of it. Whether or not a whip hurts more than a plank is a different question altogether. I’ll save the nature of pain for another time. Let’s first try to find out why a whip hurts.

Femdom Is Not a Self Help Book

Too often femdom is portrayed as a second rate choice for women who can’t get a boyfriend, rather than acknowleding kink is part of your sexual identity. Swap BDSM for gay and nobody would dream to come up with such an idea. When it comes to kink, somehow it is fine.

 In one of today’s newsletters I found a link to a story about an ugly duck who takes a dominatrix class as the cure to a unhappy vanilla love life. As if. It is your usual harrowing tale, that is before you take into account the editoral freedom the author – a freelance writer and comedian – allows herself.

Future of Femdom Part I Fix4Sale

With Fifty Shades in one hand and Clips4Sale in the other, femdom is experiencing a pivotal moment. Make or break, I believe. Those of us with kink in our DNA, we face obliteration by means of commercialisation. Any fix, for a price.

A while ago I watched a series of interviews with dominatrixes. Rather than asking interesting or  - heaven forbid - tough questions, the interviewer was so overwhelmed in the presence of Her Graciousness, he couldn’t stop sucking up. Such a shame. There is so much more to ask. When you sit down with a domme, who allows you to pick her brain, make the best of it. Whatever they have to say, I am sure, is guaranteed to fill more than a couple of Fifty Shades volumes. So I turned it around. What questions would I like to ask?

Set An Example. No More Viagra. Tit For Tat.

A US Congress woman introduces a bill that makes it hard for men to obtain a prescription for Viagra. Simply to prove how difficult it is for women to get an abortion. Don't fight evil with evil.

There is more to happiness than meets the eye.

Even a smartass like me sometimes gets it wrong. I always believed Viagra was invented to make slaves suffer more. You know, just say the magic words: “open wide boi”  After which mistress pops you a pill and throws in a free chastity device. Funny thing then it is not the cage that grows on the slave. It is the blue miracle which takes away most of his autonomy. You know, that unruly and mostly indepedant part of every slave.

Why I Never Collected My Nobel Prize

Today a bit of fun fiction. Made a lot of progress on several important projects. Spring is just around the corner. Planning a seriously cool trip. Life is good. But why mind took me there? Soit. And let’s be honest: February 29 ought to be a holiday for everyone.

I'm tough as nails. That is until...

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. Nope. Just like you can max out your credit cards, you can max out your heart. There is a limit to everything. Mistress knows I kind of like her a lot. Finding out that over time those feelings have increased is an insult. Don’t worry, I am very discreet and unobtrusive, but I simply cannot hide my happiness when I see her.

Germany's Next Top Model Owns a Slave

A contestant on Germany's Next Top Model explains she is a dominatrix. What follows is more than just sanctimonious as jury member and former model Heidi Klum humiliates herself for better ratings.

The eyes, the smile. Add honesty and strength of character. What is not to like. Let's ask Heidi.

Fifty Shades is kind of acceptable to the general public. That is, if you read it on your way to work. At home you obviously read something more upbeat like "War and Peace". So much for social acceptance of femdom. It ain't ever gonna happen.

Pain in Paradise

A lovely image of a mistress whipping her slave in a tropical setting, got me carried away. Even if in the end it is just a beautiful image. Or maybe, I'm just very ambitious when it comes to kink.

Unfortunately, no time to enjoy the scenary.

Perhaps living on an island has its advantages after all. And by that I mean Japan, not the Island of Camerloton.

Sherlock's Irene Adler Deserves Better

"Sherlock" clearly has its ups and down. Watching "Scandal in Belgrave" about a dominatrix for the second time, it felt as if life was playing a cosmic joke on me. Reasons include "1" but just one of them.

Irene Adler, artist impression by Imperfect Soul on Deviant Art (Source: Imperfect Soul)

Each and every femdom aficionado has fallen in love with Irene Adler. The Woman is a character on the BBC television show "Sherlock", and the detective's love interest. The episode where she first appears is "Scandal in Belgravia". It refers to one of the posher neighbourhoods of London. It also is the home address of professional dominatrix Irene Adler. Among her clientele is a member of the British royal family - why not? To spice things up, Ms. Adler has her hands on an incriminating video of her slavegirl, suffering happily.

Star Wars Inspired Floggers, Paddles & Canes

The new Star Wars movie comes with a lot of merchandise, including paddles, floggers and canes. There is clearly more to the Dark Side than cookies.

A longheld believe of mine is that sci fi fans and geeks are more into kink than the average person is. Why else has Fetlife an option that says "It's complicated"?

Make My Power Exchange Real. Not Just Riel

Power exchange comes in two ways: real and riel. If you want it all the time, you really cannot have that. It is a thing that is called civilisation. Still, short term real power exchange can be more frightening, intimidating and rewarding than long-term riel obedience. A personal account.

Each and everyone of us has wondered more than once why she or he is into kink. Yes, we love it. None of us can live without the animal attraction that is femdom. So what?

Perhaps a bit too much for me. Then again we all get what we wish for... I guess.

Dommes in hot, sexy leather and latex outfits are nice, but all they do is enhance the visual element of what you know is already there. Pain is weird and strangely also part of the game. Then there is the element of control. Most slaves have a submissive streak that comes out easily. Not me and my wandering mind. Life is a puzzle. What if? One problem solved and the next one comes along. The same thing with kink. Best not to overthink, but that is easier said than done. You cannot ignore an essential part of who you are. Sometimes the why pops up.

Hearts For Sale - Beautiful Comic by Miyuli

Good thing there are two "1's" in 11. That way I can publish two posts for Valentine's Day. This comic by artist Miyuli is the most beautiful one, I came across in a long time. It reminds me of Studio Ghibli. I also think it would make an ideal Valentine's Day present.

I don't often recommend things, but this time, I do. Read it please

http://miyuli.tumblr.com/post/138350862154/this-is-a-little-anniversary-illustration-for-my

A Different Way to Celebrate Valentine's Day

Commerce rules Valentine's Day. Loving gestures and gifts are compulsory. Genuine feelings are not. How about writing her one last letter, just in case you don't make it back from fearsome faraway land?

We all know Romeo and Julia were amateurs compared to grandma & grandpa

Valentine’s Day is one of those rare occasions where even mistress cannot win. No one beats the commercial classes. The Dutch Automobile Association is running an add right now where it encourages you to sign up, so you can be with the one you love on Valentine’s Day. Commercial interests high-jacked February 14. Ordinary guys long ago learned, they loose either way. If she says we’re not gonna do anything for Valentine’s Day this year, don’t fall for it. What if she does? Doomed if you do and doomed if you don’t. As for the most romantic day of year, some say Valentine’s Day is, better don’t ever get married any year.

Dungeon Delusions: To Serve is to be Far Away From Her

If not being with your mistress is your idea of what true servitude is all about, have fun. Just make sure your slavecave has a little bit of class.

Bad to the bone might not be the most apt sign above the cage of your selfconfessed solitary confinement. Then again whose happiness we're talking about anyway?

I’m dead against not sleeping in the same bed as the woman I love, and yes that includes mistress. For whatever reason some slaves believe, the more distance you put between mistress and yourself, the deeper the devotion. Digg a tunnel to China! Just make sure you do not come up on the other side, only to discover there are several miles of ocean above you. Blub blub.

Guilty by the Numbers? Beyond the Judgement of Solomon

Jian Ghomeshi, Bill Cosby and now New Year’s Eve in Cologne. Sometimes women do bad things, but mostly it is us men. The Judgement of Solomon obviously doesn not work here. But does character?

If his ass turns red after 11 strokes, he must be guilty. Of what?
Challenging her. Mistress is always right even if she is not. Q.E.D.

Whether you like it or not – consensual BDSM can blur the lines. But for the most part it is straight forward. No means no. Always. Forever. That is why it is called no. Still that does not help.

As I mentioned before, indignation reached peak political correctness in the case of Jian Ghomeshi. The number of female accusers was so overwhelming, he simply must have done it. Most likely. I think. But that is not the same as justice, let alone lock up a predator. Justice needs to prevail for many reasons, making sure a predator no longer roams the streets is one of the most important.

So what does it tell us numerous people come forward, but only after the first does. Apart from the fact that it is difficult to do so, not too much. I’ve been thinking about it a lot. Enter character, aka previous accusations.

Not Big On Begging (Dommes)

Beneficium accipere libertatem est vendere

It does not matter whether a woman dresses up her need for stuff in a nice post or begs for it outright. For some reason, it makes their “natural” dominance hard to swallow.

Prêt-à-porter is so 2015. Time to move on to haute couture girl.

Yes, a woman who receives a prezzy from the man who loves her, that is nice. I’m guilty too and can only hope my guilt increases exponentially over time. But to brag about your dominance, while at the same time beg your devotees. Now there is something wrong with that for me.

More and more women, who enjoy playing the dominant role in femdom games, beg for stuff. The most outlandish ones emphasize the need for slaves to serve with their wallets exclusively. Not only does that attitude make you wonder about the very nature of servitude. It also ask the question whether dominance comes naturally or can be bought whenever the price is right.

Why Kink No Longer Equals Crazy

Once kinky folk were considered mentally ill, because a clinical manual said so. It took a long fight to get rid of that classification.

The DSM is a scary big book, explaining just how crazy you are. It does not matter whether you are really mad or not. If the big book says you are crazy, you are. Until its latest edition BDSM was considered a mental illness. How that affects you, depends on where you live and what your situation is.