Learning the Language of Rope

Today is not about tying the knot

Just don't trip over the rope and guard your privacy. Not everybody understands happiness has many faces

The awe inspiring Claire Adams from Men in Pain in a classic case of learning the ropes.

Dutch had a busy Christmas, so I watched this years Doctor Who Christmas episode only now. The sound was terrible, too much background noise but I do think I heard 15 say that he was learning the language of rope. And yes, in a Goblin airship that would not have been out of place at Six Flags but who cares. Just like you, my instant gut reaction was: finally. Sadly things are not always what they seem [1] and the whole thing quickly unravelled. But what a lovely title for my last post of 2023.

What Wouldn't You Do With 44 Billion Dutch?

Thanks for nothing Mr. Musk

Dutch' birthday bash in full swing. Hardcore. If only. (image: Divine Bitches)

Hardcore hangover. What else can I say? My birthday bash was beautiful. Until my alarm went of the next morning. Without 44 billion in the bank. At least this time I didn't wake up with a pillow in my arms instead of her. So not complaining if it was her instead. Empty arms hurt much more than an empty bank account. Some guys have all the luck.

Blue Birthday

11+11+'22 = 44!

Today is the day!

Bust of Her Royal Highness Noor Inayat Khan near the British Museum in Central London (image: Noor Inayat Khan Memorial Trust)

Twitter is sort of an LBO, leveraged buy-out, meaning Elon Musk pays much less than 44 billion. The majority is a loan force-fed onto Twitter. Yes, that's right. Elon Musk buys the company with Twitter's own money. The little blue bird is now looking at an interest bill of about one billion annually, which it cannot sustain for long. There are going to be savings, cuts and raids - finraids. If Twitter has a pension fund and Musk smart lawyers, they're gonna bleed it dry. And that's just one example. Welcome to vampire capitalism 101.

Take Me Higher

Yes Boss

Thank you [for the music] Boss Ross.

A couple of very smart guys lifting Diana Ross higher. Chris von Wangenheim shot this famous image in 1978.

Last time on Face the Music: Diana Ross - the Boss. As I was searching for a copy of the sleeve, I ran into a much more appropriate image. A group of hunks hoists La Ross in the air like the queen she is. Which pretty much sums up the rest of her life.  

[Verse 1]
♫ Fancy me
Thought I had my degree
In life and how love
Ought to be a run
I had a one step plan to prove it
Guide in my pocket for fools
Folly and fun
Love had to show me one thing... ♫

Femdom's 44 Billion

What would you do? 

Is it Kylie or a Leather Goddess from Phobos?

While bloggers Paltego and Servitor deal blows over an ex, the real question is how could Elon Musk have supported the femdom community with the 44 billion dollar he spends on buying Twitter.

OK, I get it. Too complicated, so let me rephrase. What would you do [femdom-wise] with 44 billion? Anything goes as long as it has to do with femdom. And no, world peace, eradicating hunger, Kylie for Doctor! or saving the bumble bee are not part of it. Sorry.

More On The Beauty of Femdom

To be the benificiary of her glory... 

Beauty is art and art is beautiful. To each their own, so let's not argue. In the end what makes a man drop to his knees is the fact that he embraces life in all her wisdom. Our time here is all about yin and yang, beauty and balance, so spend your time wisely.

It may sound harsh, some even call it ungrateful, but there are those who deserve your surrender and those who don't. Experience is a harsh mistress but oh my there's no steeper learning curve than lessons learned. Don't worry, when the time comes and you look up to her in awe, gratitude, amazement, filled with love, you'll know. Almost that is. Let's be honest, you knew, long before the moment you first dropped to your knees in front of her. And yes it's a privilige, a miracle even, one that two people work hard to make it happen. Isn't gratitude glorious? 

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In other news today, the next Doctor is Who? Jody Whittaker's replacement has been long overdue. Clearly Mrs. Whittaker was a casting mistake, better at home at the [inevitable] reboot of 'Lost', whenever, wherever.

Ncuti Gatwa will take over as the BBC's eternal Time Lord in an all-new 2023 restart. The 29-year-old Scottish actor, born in Rwanda, starred as Eric Effiong in Netflix’s Sex Education. Mr. Gatwa's first appearance as Doctor Who is scheduled for next year after 13's final episode later in 2022. If love sees no colour, why did it take the Doctor so long? And no, today no snarky comments about some three letter word Eastern European femdom nonstitution. Too easy, even Dutch has his pride.

And no, still haven't seen the Doctor Who Easter special. One day.

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Ukranian entry Go-A at Eurovision 2021. This year let's all vote for Ukraine, OK? Mistress' orders.

I'm Feeling Knotty Doctor

Who? Me? Yes I love bondage, so what?

Ikki No Ko Exhibition "Red", Tokyo 2015

Over three series current Doctor Who showrunner Chris Chibnal tied himself (and his successors) up in knots. Add to that Jody Whitaker's lacklustre performance, almost as if she doesn't want to be there and you have a 50-year old show on the verge of cancelling.

Nothing is what is seems to be anymore, something not even Hugh Grant, yes there are persistent rumours, can fix. Doctor Ruth on the other hand...

The only ones who consistently seem to believe in Chris & Jody - and no that's not a 90's boy-girl band - are the folks at The Guardian newspaper. By accident I discovered this morning tonight is the penultimate episode featuring doctor Jody. "Man the cannons and buckle up for an Easter special at sea with the Time Lord (we have the wonderful Jodie Whittaker for one more special later in the year)." Clearly someone hasn't been paying attention over the past few years. Or is it that the Guardian's regular reviewer has access to episodes one or two days before they are shown on television and that writing an honest expose means risking early access?

Chibnall has been exploiting minorities throughout his tenure to distract the viewers from just how awful his writing is. The Doctor is no longer just the last of their kind. No, now she's some kind of intergalactic superstar, courtesy of the Timeless Child. Chibnall also brought back the character of Jack Harkness for about ten minutes, referred to the Osgood twins trying to whip up some hype plus more nonsense.

Being white myself, I found the episode with Rosa Parks bordering on the white savior complex at least. What I missed most afterwards was commentators being critical. No, everybody was happy. Doctor was doing the right thing, whatever that is. Probably making white folks like me feel a little less guilty. Saying the episode was subpar almost feels like heresy. But if Mr. Chibnall really cared about the trending topics he touches upon he should have done three things. Look for an actress whose personal gravity matches that of a Timelord. He should have also left the writing to those who are more skilled at it. If he had done that, there would have no need to loot the treasure trove of political correctness for personal gain, which is the third thing he should not have done.

Tonight there's this encounter between Doctor Jody and madame Ching, a real-life Chinese pirate queen. Once again an odd choice. Chibnall probably chose Zheng Yi Sao because she's a woman. But what if he swapped Jody Whittaker early on for Jo Martin, who plays Doctor Ruth? And instead of a Chinese lady pirate opted for Stede Bonnet, a rich Briton who gave it all up to become a pirate? True story.

Some people celebrated the first Timelord of Colour but to me Doctor Ruth was nothing but a cheap ploy in order to prop up the ratings. And yes there's a parallel with the Rosa Parks story. As a Timelord Jo Martin outdid Jody Whittaker many times, so why didn't they choose her as the first female Timelord? The latest James Bond 'No Time To Die' is a horrible movie but what they got spot on was the replacement for Daniel Craig. Lashana Lynch as 007 blows you away. If you want to send a message to the world, this is how you do it.

Meanwhile a group of renegade Timelords now live outside our known universe. They are locusts that destroy one universe only to move on to the next. Only thing I'm wondering is whether they take the Weeping Angels with them when they hop from one galaxy to the next. Reduced to being the Timelord's errand boys, they instantly stopped being scary. I almost felt sorry for them, like I do for the Ood.

Anyway I wanted to write a quick note to accompany today's image. Failed again. It's tangled web reminds me of the mess Chris Chibnall leaves behind, including the disfigured Weeping Angels.

Let's just hope Hugh Grant is not going to be the next Doctor, not that I think so. I'd love to see Doctor Ruth take over. Thinking of the red string of fate, Korean singer IU, who plays the owner of the hotel Del Luna would be an excellent choice too. And if they have to be a native English speaker my vote goes to Kylie. All I hope for is this Voyage of the Damned to end.;

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Comedian Bill Bailey reimagines the Doctor Who theme as Jacques Brel-esque Belgian jazz.

Aliens in Chastity

"Showing results for carrots."
"Search instead for  Daleks?"

After meeting Douchebag Dave earlier this week I'm in search of an antidote. You need it too. Let's have some fun.

'Is that a Tardis in your drink or are you just happy to see me mistress?'

Fun? BDSM is. Not because it hurts, which it does and is no fun at all, it's just that it is. The essence of good kink is to take your pleasure seriously, yourself not so much. Not everybody gets that, especially not those who have a hard time living up to the dream. For some reason they take it so seriously it backfires. Others - remember dumb dom Dave? - couldn't care less about BDSM, they're misogynists, haters hiding amongst us.

Doctor Who: Discussions on Natural Dominance

The dominant Doctor is back. Today is for die-hard fans only. Sorry. 

Don't be fooled, you can learn a lot by watching television.

Post birthday bash I'm still sore. From now on I have a love/hate relationship with powertools. At least that gives me time to write. You'll have to wait for that post on the Ikea dungeon because last night I watched Doctor Who and learned something important. No, not that the Tardis is actually made by Ikea, it isn't. Nor is there any relation between Ikea bleu and Tardis blue.

Quiz: Which Domme Should Be The 14th Doctor?

Time for the first-ever Domme Doctor. 

Audio only: or how not to enjoy watching Doctor Who. (Image: Chastity Goddess)

Cucumber time is the Dutch expression for silly season. Only, this year it's not just the summer months filled with frivolous news, it's been going on ever since Covid-19 came to town.

Doctor Who on the other hand is serious stuff, as I've explained many times before. Most viewers agree that Jody Whittaker is a little underwhelming as the thirteenth Doctor. Some blame it on the writing, others on the actor. My bet? It's a bit of both. 

Upside Down House For Sale

About that 11th item to always tell your real estate agent about 

Remember Stranger Things? Clearly the Upside Down comes in many flavours. Classy 'n' pervy? Welcome to Sex Oasis 2.0

Sometimes there's no downside at all. Obviously.

Don't care about realtor confessions one to 10. What matters is the final one. Number 11 on the list. Ha ha ha. Does the property come with a 'naughty' 50 Shades kind of sex dungeon? [1]

Despite the fact I'm living on the 11th floor of the Elfland building somewhere in Dutcherdam (xxx), the answer is a resounding 'yes Ma'am.' What else can I say?

The Dominant Doctor

"No sweetie, the first rule of being a Timelord is action, not asking what's going on for 45 minutes."

Some love the 13th Doctor, [who?], others don't. Disagree with the lovers. And not just because they're wrong. Mistress is always right and she says I'm never wrong. Let's leave it at that.

As for Marilyn Monroe, she didn't get it either. Certain gentlemen might prefer blondes, but even if, a true gentlemen never tells. Me, a hillbilly from Dutchland prefers awesomeness over the colour of a woman's hair. Please pay attention dear OWK.

Look at the image and tell me who is the dominant Timelord. Hint : it's not some invisible Blond Barbie Girl. Not just because she runs for the safety of her Tardis, so someone else can clean up her mess and save the day by blowing himself up, wiping out an entire planet in the process and perhaps some baddies. A real Timelord is never a coward.

By the way, I also retract my offer writing awesome Doctor Who scripts until showrunner Chris "let's-throw-more-dead-bodies-of-a-cliff" Chibnal resigns. Just don't count on it. Poisoned chalice or not, prestige [BBC, show runner and lead actor] clearly matters more than serving the audience. The current rule of thumb is that terror reigns for a minimum of three seasons.

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Notes:
[0] None, because there are too many. Not even going to mention how Chris Chibnal abuses race for PC-ratings or that this season's finale is actually called "The Timeless Children." None of that. Time to clean HER Tardis with a toothbrush. HER Tardis - not the one of some H2O2 girl lost in space and time.

Somebody's Watching Me

But Who?

Dutch continues to bow his head to true female supremacy.

Actress Aurora Marion plays Her Royal Highness The Unbreakable Spy Princess.

Despite the fact that the Doctor was either born in 1963 ["An Unearthly Child"] or is at least 11 centuries old, I was into kink - born this way 'n' stuff - before I knew who Doctor Who was. Still, I met the Doctor long before I kneeled before mistress the very first time. Don't worry, it'll only gets more complicated from here on.

Not gonna tell you why I blog about a particular TV show, but trust me, it's for the best. I always have the best reasons. My English, on the other hand, is not the best, sorry for that. Anyway, imagine my surprise watching the Timelord stumbling through this year's Christmas episode. Technically the first half was on New Year's Day 2020, with the conclusion aired a couple of days later. The second half of Spyfall features Two Women I wrote about Last Christmas, ca. December 25th, 26th, 2018. I'm a bit slow, I know. And yes as of last Christmas the latter is also a movie, which was kind of inevitable.

Before you continue, a warning. My predictive powers are simply awesome when it comes to Doctor Who and this post includes actual spoilers for series 12 [2020] of Doctor Who. On top of that - psychokinetic stuff and so on - it alsmost certainly contains spoilers for upcoming episodes. Please tread careful from here on. Or better, stop reading altogether.

That's Mistress Van Helsing To You

The BBC does self-flaggelation better than anyone else, but is it any good? 

"My name is Mistress Van Helsing, Count. Is that tomato ketchup or are you [secretly] happy to suffer for me?" (Image: Dracula, BBC)

Now that the holidays are over, I need a break. Christmas is not the time of year to recharge - nor is it the best way.

It's gotten so bad that I can't even come up with a single way to link the latest doctor Who episode to something femdommy. Clearly the doctor Who team isn't impressed with their work either. Why else would they skip the Christmas special two years in a row for just another New Year's episode? Kylie to the rescue. But where's Kylie when you need her?

Voyage of the Damned

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Doctor Who: Voluntary Enslavement is the Best. Free the Ood!

In order to celebrate the arrival of the Thirteenth Doctor on television tonight, the BBC calls it series eleven [i] of Doctor Who a few notes on the Ood, an alien race that is submissive, or so it seems.



The really exciting news is that Luther returns later this year. "It's good to be back in London, back in the coat," Idris Elba tweeted in January. As an added bonus Alice will be there too! Let’s be honest we needed a bit of good news after the way BBC’s “prestige” drama Bodyguard bombed. [ii]  Yep watching terrible television is what happens when you have too much time on your hands because you don’t have to clean the dungeon with a toothbrush.

Bill and the Spanking Thing - Doctor Who 2017 Christmas Special

[ 1] “you’re in for a jolly good smacked bottom!”
[13] "Oh, brilliant!"

You all know why I write about Doctor Who. Didn't expect fireworks for this year's Christmas episode, in fact I'd given myself some time off till New Year's Day from blogging, but my hand was forced. And yes, if you haven't seen Twice Upon a Time, it's spoilers from here on, you silly.

I've always been a sucker for smiling women. (Image Doctor Who/BBC)

On the third day of Christmas, Dutch writes about Doctor Who. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed all Doctors, but the Twelfth Doctor [12] is my favourite. Matt Smith was too young and too jolly. David Tenant a bit older, but also trying too hard to be popular. The original reboot Doctor, Christopher Eccleston - a single season Timelord only - was great though.

Femdom, Sci Fi and Star Wars

Sci-Fi has always served as an inspiration for people interested into role play - and kink. Today, the ninth Star Wars movie is being released. Time to mix some kink with Star Wars.

Oh, the force is with me all the time.

Midway through December, the holidays just around the corner, it's time for a little banter. In the almost five years that my blog has been up and running, I've often advocated not to take your kink too seriously. Don't worry, I say the same thing about life. Anything I do take seriously? Yes, love, not the easiest of topics, especially not in a community where most believe submission is about matters of the heart rather than their own animal desires.

Don't Kill Bill

WARNING: This article contains spoilers from Doctor Who series 10 episode 11: World Enough and Time.

Full Frontal Missy (Image: BBC/Doctor Who)

Missy: “Hello, I’m Doctor Who, and these are my plucky assistants, Thing One and … the other one. We picked up your distress call, and here we are to help, like awesome heroes.”

Clara Oswald - The Impossible Girl in Full Control

Now that the new Doctor Who sidekick has been introduced it is time to look back on Clara Oswald and how the impossible girl - and not the Doctor - is in full control. Still not a fan though.

From the 2013 Doctor Who Episode "Bells of Saint John"

As of 2017 Pearl Mackie will be Doctor Who’s new companion. The character she plays is funny and geeky and vulnerable. There’s a goofiness to her and a big heart. She gets things wrong, she has a temper. Apart from Theresa May becoming PM, no other appointment of a British woman this year has excited so much fuss.

Kink is about fun. Odd fun, incomprehensebable fun, but fun nonetheless.  Some take their kink to serious and can't separate it from real life. You know the ones who keep nagging  about "for us it is real"{ Now really? Come on!)