Thursday, March 08, 2018

Free to Live the Life You Want

Click Chase Cruelty. There are no second chances in life for those who share their love of kink with the world.

mistress baton, pink catsuit, twitter
It's not the pink catsuit that caught my eye, but Nijntje. Please quit smoking for that sweet innocent cartoon rabbit [?]. (Image: mistress Baton on Twitter)

In retrospect what impressed me most, is how queen Patricia, ruler of that femdom fairy tale, called the Other World Kingdom [OWK], understood privacy 2.0, before anyone else. Twenty years ago the OWK, just like the internet, was in its infancy. Much of the OWK's initial success was due to being an early adaptor of the online world.

To this day, you are haunted by the many, many images of dommes being showcased at the OWK, mostly on a pattern of ageless, rotating recycling. The one person that [doesn't] stand out is queen Patricia, probably because even then she understood, unlike most of us, the upcoming assault on our privacy, the connected world would turn out to be.

Even now, hardly anyone knows who her majesty is. There are very few pictures of her and the many rumours help obscure her identity even more. According to goddess Amazon, queen Patricia wanted to leave the OWK business to her daughter, who didn't want to have anything to do with enslaved men. Funny, but also surprising, given the queen’s profectic insight into the future. Today's social media world evolves towards an evermore hostile environment, where past 'sins' will be remembered forever so they can haunt you a lifetime. Why would a mother, who foretold the end to privacy, sacrifice her daughter’s future, because Mum enjoys a bit of kinky fun?

Kink is who we are, but not everybody is allowed the freedom to enjoy kink the way they want, without being judged. A recent series of posts on Femdom Resource – most likely unintentionally, illustrates just that. Five stories, five women, and the way their lives and pro-domme careers intersect.

The Police Officer - Domina Nyx

A few years ago Kristen Hyman worked as a pro-domme under the name domina Nyx. She also appeared in several femdom movies. Mrs. Hyman switched careers, and last year began training as a police officer. Shortly before graduation, someone informed her superiors about her past and the recruit was suspended. A judge allowed her to graduate. Despite that, some six months later, she got fired. The reason? Her past caused local law enforcement to be "the subject of inquiry and ridicule among law enforcement,"

Being Dutch, I guess I have a different view on morality than the average American. To me there is nothing in her past that stops her from becoming a police officer. She was not only accepted into the programme, she also graduated from the academy. What one does in the privacy of their own bedroom has no bearing on one's professional qualities. Unfortunately it doesn't work like that. Apart from the "moral outrage", one can imagine, sooner or later someone will sue the local police department, claiming Mrs. Hyman used excessive force, citing her past. I'm really sorry for Mrs. Hyman and given the fact that working as a pro-domme is a demanding job, the local police force is being denied a promising new recruit.

The Journalist - Nichi Hodgson

The gap between law enforcement and journalism is almost as wide as the moat between the United Stated and Great Britain. Supporting her desire to rise through the ranks of the Fourth Estate, Mrs. Hodgson, worked as a dominatrix. In her own words:

"An impecunious Nichi was then invited into the sexual underworld and initiated into the sphere of professional domination. Having struck a Persephonoid pact, she used that money to support her journalism as she bargained with the media to pay her a living wage."

Just like the case of Mrs. Hyman, it upset me, but for very different reasons. For someone who studied literary censorship, to present herself as a victim, being forced into the world of professional domination because she is on a quest to make the world a better place through journalism, is troubling. A triple jeopardy if ever I saw one. On top of that, pro-dommes make the world a better place too!

Clearly Mrs. Hodgson skipped ethics class in journalism school, otherwise she wouldn't try to lure the reader into feeling sorry for her. Instead she would write a factual account of how she combined her work as a dominatrix with her first steps on a path towards a career in journalism.

"She was the Men’s Health Sexual Adventurer columnist for three years, and now also consults for dating organisations and pleasure product companies including JeJoue, Durex and The Inner Circle, as well as offering one-on-one dating and relationship coaching and advice."

Even after denouncing the world of pro-domination, the journalist continues to reap the benefits of her former profession by association, despite the fact that her inner reporter doesn't explain why her time in the dungeon makes her an expert on all things sexy. Let's just hope mistress never takes me to see Mrs. Hodgson for relationship coaching. Compared to that, if the day comes, the words, "it's not you, it's me..." will sound like music to my ears.

nichi hodgson - image
Nichi Hodgson wearing a red latex dress (Image gaystarnews)

The Educator - Mistress Velvet

Both Kristen Hyman and Nichi Hodgson changed careers out of the pro-domming business. But what if you are forced into "survival sex"? I've said it before, I'm as privileged as it gets: male, Caucasian, university educated and living in a country with [mostly] free health care and excellent social security, should you need it. Not a worry in the world. So don't get angry if I write something that upsets you. Look at the bigger picture and if you don't agree, explain. No matter what, reading about someone working as a pro-domme to survive - but also to "get out of this relationship that I wasn’t enjoying", makes me sad.

In case you didn't notice, Mrs. Hodgson's Persephonoid' pact really got me cross. And after reading the story of mistress Velvet, double so. I have to agree with Paltego though, the Huffington Post article is pretty good.

One things mistress Velvet likes to do, is to order her slaves to read up on black feminist theory. The first thing I usually do, is to head over to someone's personal website and read the about me section. After all, you want some context. You wonder, who is this person? My suggestion to mistress Velvet is to expand her about [MV] section. Curious about the woman, her educational background and in this case her views on topics such as feminism, race and BDSM, there was little information.

In journalism school Mrs. Hodgson specialised in feminist theory. Keeping ancient strategist Sun Tzu in mind, to succeed in your chosen field is to study your opponent. No matter the cause you’re trying to advance, often the most valuable insights are gained by analysing what’s on the other side of the mirror. Mistress Velvet understands that.

“The ways that patriarchy impacts men, they can’t really be submissive in a lot of contexts. They come to me looking for a safe space to explore the parts of them that may not be seen as masculine, or they might have a lot of shame around. They may not have opportunities to be their full selves in a lot of ways, including sexually, because of those societal constraints.”

To be honest, most men like the way things are – why wouldn’t we? – and have little problem accepting the status quo. Trying to understand feminism and to advance it causes, studying patriarchy, seeing what’s behind the looking glass, is a good way to gain more knowledge.

The second question that comes to mind, and this is more of a general point, is this. Does her job as a pro-domme limit her future career choices? Unfortunately the experiences of Mrs. Hyman and Mrs. Van den Berg, next, do seem to suggest that.

mistress velvet, pro domme, dominatrix
Creativity is one of life's essentials. What a beautiful picture. No need for leather and whips. (Image: mistress Velvet)

The Actress - Mistress Baton

Paltego is on a roll, even though, most likely, he doesn’t realize it himself. Always an inspiration – and a joy to read – he wonders “What’s the problem officer?” Clearly it isn’t the classic black and blue classic bobby uniform, mistress Baton is wearing. The South-African domme is currently on an European tour. Several years before, mistress Baton, whose real name is Yvonne van den Bergh, worked as an actress. Like most of us, her private life was her own business. And yes, dear reader, just like you and I, she enjoys a bit of BDSM. An obsessed stalker, not satisfied with ruining the life of the woman he was fixated on, also sent photos and information to her agent, TV critics, friends, broadcasters like kykNET, sponsors and the South African Guild of Actors.

Afraid, the audience would discover her personal preference, she stepped forward and shared the story of her "BDSM journey." The days, were the public wondered why it is necessary to come forward because of your consensual lifestyle, are long gone. Queen Patricia turned out to be a visionary when it comes to privacy 2.0 after all. I haven’t followed the story of mistress Baton, but it is another example of those into kink being denied to live the [consensual] life they want, free of the judgement of others. One of the reasons is the press. This is what a local news outlet wrote, after mistress Baton opened up: “and why she loves tying up men naked and then dishing out hit after hit until the blood flows.” [1] Gory details for clicks, anyone? Another headline joked “From 7de Laan to 7de slaan”, roughly translated as “From [acting in] 7th Street to whipping street”.

A quick look at her IMDB page tells her last credit was in 2011. I can only speculate as to why, but it doesn’t seem far-fetched to assume she wasn’t offered anymore roles. What is there left to say? An actress, who privately enjoys BDSM, sees her career coming to a halt, because of a stalker. At the same time a movie trilogy about a imaginary billionaire stalker and abuser – who manages to stay out of prison because of his vast fortune – is on track to generate over a billion in sales at the box office.

The Coach - Kasia Urbaniak

The fifth and last story, I discovered through Femdom Resource recently, is an article in The New York Times about former dominatrix Kasia Urbaniak, who runs all kinds of classes on how to deal with men. One called “Cornering Harvey” stands out. I wrote about it twice and a conclusion is in the works.. Mrs. Urbaniak first and foremost runs a business and the quality of her coaching is highly debatable. Peppering your boss with questions because you cannot attend the signing ceremony for a multi million dollar contract, when his boss is also in attendence, at best makes your boss ignore you going forward, but he could just as likely fire you. The New York Times has done a sloppy job with this one. The article reads like an infomercial. For what exactly?

“the courses draw on BDSM, Taoist martial arts, Cesar Millan’s books on dog training and the hostage and border checkpoint negotiations of international NGOs.[2]”

Someone, please explain. It comes across as a hodgepodge of fancy and exotic stuff, cobbled together to impress (and generate sales) rather than to support women. No matter what they preach, sometimes women can be the bad guys too.

The queen as a Slave

Back to the beginning. queen Patricia, the notorious ruler of the OWK is before all else Her [3] mum. She loves her Little Girl so much, she starts talking gibberish. With approximately one percent of one percent of the world being into kink, what are the odds her Daughter will find happiness following in her footsteps?

In all honesty, this post has been delayed for some time now, simply because I cannot find the words to express my surprise why any parent would force their choices upon their Children. If anything, parenthood is about giving Them options, preferably a lot more than you had at Their age.

The future probably looks something like this. Bots scrape the internet. There is no more hiding of any kind. Deep learning seemingly fuses your various online personae with your real world identity. Artificial intelligence replaces humans, even for the most basic of deliberations. Governments, companies and professional haters will turn to the resulting database for guidance on any kind of decision.

No parent should deny their Children any choice They can reasonably understand. The attractiveness of choices also change as options grow. Therefore, in a future where there is no hiding, why not buy Her some time and delay Her entrance into the world of public femdom, at least until She has tasted some of the other options?

Clearly kink subjugates us all. Let’s just hope the power of parental enslavement is so overwhelming, in the end the queen allowed her Daughter to make Her own choices. Except one. Sorry. Souls for clicks is perhaps the most evil invention in all of human communication. Whatever you have to do, do it, but buy Her time, so her other options can come to fruition. With most of the hard work done [or so She thinks], She is better able to make an informed choice.

Kink in today’s world of social media exposure is an unforgiving beast. Queen Patricia realized that long before any of us did. So why would she force a world of naked men in chains – happily aroused of course – upon her Daughter? Money? Mammon is never the answer.


  1. Don’t worry, I’m done for today with jokes about journalism and ethics.
  2. Maybe NGO’s don’t provide the best training tools either. Currently British charity Oxfam is in hot water. It covered up an inquiry into whether its staff used sex workers in Haiti during a 2011 post-earthquake relief effort.
  3. Mistress may insist on capitalizing her name, I prefer to honour something much more important. Despite that, pretty silly those honorifics, don’t you agree?

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