The Goop's Guide to Father’s Day

No! Not again.

Gwyneth Paltrow wants to sells your kid sex toys for Father's Day.

Yes it's Tina Turner. Live in the Netherlands in 2000. I'm so glad you didn't expect to see a picture of that other woman. [3] Only the best. It's that simple.

Remember Gwyneth Paltrow? Yes, me too. Mrs. Paltrow is the woman who was awarded $1 in damages after jurors who found her not liable for a 2016 ski crash. But you mean that other other thing, don't you. Stop it, no Christmas music until September at least. As for Goop's shopping suggestions, yes for 30K you can buy an entire dungeon, rather than a measly bondage chair for the unlucky few. Don't think they sold any of them.

Mistress Barbara: Spellbound

From our epic images department

Image from the Twitter of mistress Barbara

When words get in the way there's always Dutch you can count on. Because he has a way with words. Not this time. Just look at mistress Barbara. Even the devil himself is no match for her. Just look at that expression on her face. Mesmerizing. Absolutely irresistible. Been quite a while since I saw a domme as wonderful as mistress Barbara. Resistance is futile. But why would you? Guess there are worse ways to be corrupted than to look up to her.

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Face the music

Sam Sparrow - Happiness (2012)

[click to listen]

Slava Ukraini [Glory to Ukraine]

From the 'For us this is real'-department

Definitely not by choice

Thursday evening and it's almost eight o'clock. Holland is coming to a halt. Tonight we remember those who have fallen during World War II. Even if you're not a big fan of symbolic gestures like me, it's a powerful moment.

Yesterday my country celebrated the end of the Second World War, mostly with loud music. And like I wrote somewhere before, because freedom is special, we get a day off once every five years. Except if you work in government, then you have May 5 of every single year. Clearly some are more equal than others. Some things never change.  

Cunk on Femdom Part Five: The Internet & Femdom

Reenactment of what femdom must have looked like in the 1950. Clearly shortly after the war there was a lack of leather so you may not instantly recognize it.

For the last time, this is not exactly the Peter Tupper version of the history of femdom. Let's say it's inspired by real events. Like me watching Netflix. Don't ask me how I did it but somehow Philomena Cunk has accepted my invitation to write a guest post. Here's Cunk on Femdom.

Cunk on Femdom Part Four - Scientific Foundations

Salvador Dalí – Venus in Furs – Negresses, Les Negresses, 1969 [3].

Some 200 years ago German author Heinrich Heine famously said “Where they burn books, they will ultimately burn people also” Today in Cunk on Femdom the hidden link between witches and the 20 to one domme deficit. Plus much more. After all I [Philomena Cunk] am a landmark documentary presenter.

Episode FOUR: Marquis de Sadé and Leopold von Sacher Masoch: Scientific foundations of femdom

by Philomena Cunk

We can all agree the Dark Ages were pretty much wasted on femdom. And yet, to this day dominant women refuse to take advantage of the latest scientific insights into what torture can do for you. Just don't ask what it does to him. Even worse, the Dark Ages were truly a dark time for women. The printing press was invented and subsequently men were considered superior and women inferior. And you know how the Dark Ages really got their name? Because of the black ink they used for printing texts that eventually subdued women. But it got worse.

Cunk on Femdom Part Three - the Dark Ages

Black and white image of the Dark Ages. The rainbow was yet to be invented. Horses too.

Episode THREE: Tools of the trade, AKA advances in medieval torture

by Philomena Cunk

Some say Cleopatra had it easy. Probably because her people worshipped the sun. Who doesn't smile when the sun shines? Sadly, time progresses like only time can. According to official lore the middle ages were pretty dark, even darker than the dark ages that happened at the same time. Same place also. Then Goofy Guty - aka Herr Gutenberg invented the printing press and all hell broke loose. Men and women were officially no longer equal. Not that it was written in stone. Much worse, the revised gospel soon spread across the old continent. Because she was created out of his rib. One, two, three and counting. Nope, all 11 still there.

"May I?"
"Yep all 11 accounted for."
"Love you too."
One Woman, one Guy. Match made in heaven.

One can only wonder why men who can only count up to ten suddenly stop eating their T-bone steak when a pretty girl walks by. How's that for unequal? Anyway, that day it started raining. Still not sure it has stopped. And Christianity is not the only religion that places men on a pedestal, they all do it. Which is one more reason why I'll never visit Club Pedestal.

Cunk on Femdom Part Two - Cleopatra

Nurse Gypsy with some friends at the temple

Once again, this is not exactly the Peter Tupper version of the history of femdom. Let's say it's inspired by real events. Like me watching Netflix. Don't ask me how I did [they say vanilla Dutch is good with the ladies] but somehow Philomena Cunk has accepted my invitation to write a guest post. Here's Cunk on Femdom, part two. Which logically follows from part one.

Episode TWO: Cleopatra's Pyramid Scheme

by Philomena Cunk

"The Greeks invented many things that are still with us, like olives, and many things that have died out, like democracy."

I asked professional dominatrix Cybill Troy for a comment but she referred me to Cleopatra, a professional queen. And no, that does not make her Japanese, despite the fact that in Japanese, slaves refer to their mistress as queen. Dead? Yes. As for the question whether they had pyramids in old Nippon, not a clue. But they do have Tōkyō Dizunīrando. [Editor's note: Not a native English speaker yourself? Here it is in kanji:  東京ディズニーランド. Dutch lives to serve.]

Cunk on Femdom Part One - Of Bambams and Beginnings

Pebbles and Bambam shortly after they got married.

OK, this is not exactly the Peter Tupper version of the history of femdom. Let's say it's inspired by real events. Like me watching Netflix. Don't ask me how I did it but somehow Philomena Cunk has accepted my invitation to write a guest post. Here's Cunk on Femdom. 

Episode ONE: The Big BamBam

by Philomena Cunk

Believe it or not, it all started with the Flintstones and their fellow Troglodytes. One young woman, a baby in fact, deserves particular praise. Her name is Pebbles. As an infant she already beat the crap out of BamBam, hence his name. Later when they got married and he spent to much time in the booze cave, she took her big, wooden bat, hit him over the head and dragged him home by his beard. Yes dear reader, femdom was invented long before the safety razor came along.[2]

All good things come to an end, which is why at the dawn of the Dark Ages - the light switch was yet to be invented - only a handful of femdom havens - were left. Obviously the Amazons were one of them. Lesser known are Atlantis and Shangri La. These days the latter one is best known for hiding the secret base where the Leather Goddesses of Phobos land if they come to visit. Why not Atlantis? Because it's under water and you cannot land under water.

Lady Daria's Warsaw Prison 2.0 Is Open

All of a sudden the sun starts to shine

Lovely smug smile. Lady Daria at her original Warsaw prison

Lovely to see lady Daria of the Warsaw prison again. Even if it was only in yesterday's image. Probably not by accident. We never met in person. But it did make me wonder how Warsaw Prison 2.0 is progressing. Good news, according to lady Daria's Twitter account Warsaw Prison 2.0 is up and running.

Das Zuchthaus III: Prison Application Pending

Excuses, excuses, excuses. Or not?

Previously on Das Zuchthaus: Why is Dutch not in some long forgotten German prison, hauling screams of despair. Privacy perhaps? With das Zuchthaus' latest mailing also came an application form.

Diabolical Dream Team: Frau Aufseherin with lady Daria imprisoning the prisoner.

One thing I've always admired pro-dommes for - apart from their hot outfits and infinite toy bags of course - is superior people skills. Think about it. Random stranger walks into your dungeon. A lifetime of dreams and desires all pent up, and he is pinning his hopes on you. What can go wrong. It's easy to bash them but make no mistake, successful pro-dommes pose excellent people skills, honed over many years, putting us all to shame.

Das Zuchthaus II: Why Am I Not In Prison?

Good question, yes. A wise one?

Always glad to see women wearing leather but this feels rather intimidating.

So let's recap last time. Google - not Beyonce - rules the world. Dutch is afraid to fail. And there are lots of empty prisons becking for me like the sirens of ancient Greece. Why not go and surrender?

Must be horrible to be a prisoner in das Zuchthaus. Such beautiful sounds of despair, lucky volunteers. Almost as if the Addams family has moved to Germany. The other day I got their newsletter slash invitation to the dance. Dutch is one of those guys who cannot dance, not that it stops me. But dancing in the dungeon, all chained up?