Saturday, January 02, 2016

Eleven things about 2015

My first post of 2015 was a list of kinky New Year’s resolutions – kinda tongue in cheek. It received a large number of hits that continued all through the year.  It surprised me. Most people have no clue who Dutch is. On top of that it is pretty personal.

woman is holding a man's hand, leading him as they walk FLR female led relationship
It is exactly what it looks like.

New Year’s resolutions can be a good thing, even if you break them on day one. They help you reflect on what matters whatever caught your attention. Below 11 things about 2015.

Love and femdom make strange bedfellows
Desire is a sadist par excellence. People in femdom-oriented relationship confuse lust for love more often than their vanilla peers. Quite frequently things don’t work out and I read quite a few blogpost dealing with just that.

One of the saddest stories I read last year was about a domme whose life and marriage had fallen apart. No more vanilla sex, her husband identified sex with pain. Mistress fixed that with a hot young thing with whom she had incredible sex. Obvious she unfixed a couple of other things in the process. Mistress discovered she could no longer function within anything that even remotely resembled a parttime vanilla relationship and FLR was her only option, At the same time she regretted the impending end of her marriage as she drooled over the puddle of misery at her feet, trying to touch her ankles. Game over. A depressing read, in partalso because the author not in the least reflect upon her part in all of it. So sad, I did not bookmark it and have not linked to the post.

Of course love and femdom can work. But only if love is more important than lust. Don't like the message? Think about it. Men serve the woman they love. Lust makes us do something else. It also starts with an s. You guessed it. It makes us selfish.

Dissing dommes and bragging slaves
Dommes dishing (pro) dommes never stops surprising me. Ever heard of a highly tributed lifestyle domme? Perhaps it a side effect of the need some dommes experience to feel superior, even if that is an illusion. Disrespecting other people’s choice is an inexcusable weakness, nothing short of desperation. Or perhaps those lifestyle dommes don’ deliver and pro-dommes are the competition they can’t beat. A blogpost on the phenomena of "a highly tributed lifestyle domme" is forthcoming.

Slaves are not allowed to brag – I just hide it in my writing, much more effective. That is why I want to highlight my two least popular posts of 2015. Today most relationships are between equals, meaning same level of education and earning potential. The doctor fools around with the nurse but marries another doctor. Much better for your offspring. The exception seems to be femdom-oriented relationships, where there is still room for upward mobility if you are a domme. Most likely because of the 20-1 sub surplus.

Sadism that spins out of control and turns selfdestructive is the biggest fear of anyone who has ever loved somebody. Kink is not benign. We refuse to see that most of the time it controls us, rather than we it. Some sadists crave other people’s suffering so much, they are willing to harm themselves. Nothing causes more pain than to see a loved one suffer. It is the sum of all fears and there is no real answer to it.

It's (always) all about the money
“What’s the colour of money?”
“Whatever mistress wants it to be!”

Just a silly joke, but in reality it doesn’t work like that. Pro dommes get paid for their services, obviously. Increasingly lifestyle dommes emphasize money as the one and only twue way to worship and serve your mistress. Such a phenomenon is conspicuously absent in most maledom relationships. I refuse to believe money is that important in BDSM.
In vanilla life dating a girl who is interested in you, at some point will tell you to cut down on the spending. If not, variety is the spice of life.

Same with femdom. A domme who emphasizes money is a fetish delivery system. She probably won’t agree but she is paid for her services. If the current trend continues, in ten years time femdom will have become synonymous with findom. Another experience that money – not devotion or a slavish heart – buys you.

Really naive and a bit scared inventing new words
At times I can be a bit naive. But I am surely not the only one who is surprised by the popularity of minion porn.  A large number of people found my blog after a search on minion porn. Not what I had in mind when I wrote about how the whole thing surprised me.

In 2015 I introduced some new words in my writing so I can more easy refer to femdom-related phenomena. Take the femdom police, a nasty form of political correctness intended to shame and outcast those who deviate from the one twue way. Whatever that is.

People who have no life or interests outside BDSM are kink junkies. Femdom makes me a bit of an anorak, but I believe it is all about the yin and yang baby.
There are several others including one particular nasty one called domme desperation – mistresses desperately looking for that one slave they are entitled to but cannot find. It’s pretty ugly and also part of what got me thinking about the 20-1 deficit.

My basic framework for femdom is simple. She is my mistress and I am her slave. No need to clarify why or how.  You don’t explain gravity either. Lifestyle is not superior and more does not mean a deeper or intenser experience. But when you play, go all out. Balance femdom with an equally passionate vanilla life. Works for me. Gradually I began to realize that my interests might lead towards a direction I’m not comfortable with. We’ll see.

But wait a minute... Here we go again. I want things to be real. Too often female dominance exists by the grace of male desire. Over-opiniated alpha dommes and alpha slave roam the internet, bragging. In real life they fail “to knock a dent in a stick of butter.” A Dutch proverb which translates as “couldn’t run a piss-up in a brewery.”
How many men prefer a vanilla relationship with a strong woman over one with a domme lacking the proper pedigree? Something to keep in mind for when I write about the 20-1 deficit.

What about Japan?
There is so much porn out there, you cannot escape it. It also dulls the senses. Through my Tumblr blog I discovered a clip of a masochistic Japanese slave so intense, it frightened me. I was not the only one captivated by it, it turned many heads. The user profile has since been deleted, probably too much attention.

Japanese femdom is impenetrable if you don’t speak the language. Unfortunately there has been absolutely zero progress in learning Japanese. Let’s say for now it is still on my radar. But the sooner the better.

Finally: captioned images are considered a fetish. I never saw that one coming.

bound and gagged cbt slave is shocked and tortured with a tens unit for e-stim, very painfull
That scared the hell out of me. Luckily the slave is hooded, so I can repost it (Source: NA)

Don't take your kink too seriously - or what I write. Have fun and play safe. Happy New Year.

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