Barbie Is The Best Femdom Movie Ever

Total depravity in pink

Corrupt and conquer those Vanilla's

Barbie loves the colour pink. No spoilers so far. In case you haven't seen the movie, do it. It's highly enjoyable. Still no spoilers but be careful, from here on there will be spoilers, like the fact Ryan Gosling plays Ken. After all some girls prefer blondes.

We last met Barbie when Philomena Cunk interviewed queen Patricia, formerly of the Other World Kingdom. Forget the OWK, forget the Kendom, what I wanna know is what the world Barbie lives in is called. It's either Barbie World or World of Barbie. There's also an outsize chance its name is Pinkalonia but I really hope not. Anyway it's a weird place. Barbie's house has no walls, she drinks coffee but she doesn't [cup is empty] and all her friends are called Barbie too. And Barbie wakes up happy every single morning, which given the outlandish use of the colour pink, is hard to believe. Oh and all the Ken's are called called. Yes Ryan Gosling too. The only unique character is Allen, Ken's buddy. Must be a tough life to be the only non-Ken male in Barbie World. Also rather odd but each Barbie has her own Ken. Imagine me getting lost at the annual mistress-slave convention and looking for My mistress. How far do you think shouting 'mistress, mistress' wil get me? Barbylonia is a complete mystery to me. Don't worry both Barbie and Ken [all of them] are equally clueless. And that's not all they're clueless about.

Earth Girls Are Cruel

Thank goodness for that

What else is the point?

Her joy sucks me in every single time. Not only devoted to her craft but awesome too. And overwhelming beyond perfection. [Please pray for me that I can resist being honest and add to it saying just how hot mistress looks. Even from behind my keyboard I'm in enough trouble as it is already.]

The whole age thing has not only corrupted relationships and society but worse also proper femdom. Gone are the old days where mistress and slave instinctively understood the essence of forging a connection. As soon as the internet was born, flirtatatious [fake] [fin]doms [real ones] took over. Since when is [lack of] age an indicator of personal gravity, let alone the ability to click between two people?

Cunk on Femdom Part Five: The Internet & Femdom

Reenactment of what femdom must have looked like in the 1950. Clearly shortly after the war there was a lack of leather so you may not instantly recognize it.

For the last time, this is not exactly the Peter Tupper version of the history of femdom. Let's say it's inspired by real events. Like me watching Netflix. Don't ask me how I did it but somehow Philomena Cunk has accepted my invitation to write a guest post. Here's Cunk on Femdom.

Cunk on Femdom Part Four - Scientific Foundations

Salvador Dalí – Venus in Furs – Negresses, Les Negresses, 1969 [3].

Some 200 years ago German author Heinrich Heine famously said “Where they burn books, they will ultimately burn people also” Today in Cunk on Femdom the hidden link between witches and the 20 to one domme deficit. Plus much more. After all I [Philomena Cunk] am a landmark documentary presenter.

Episode FOUR: Marquis de Sadé and Leopold von Sacher Masoch: Scientific foundations of femdom

by Philomena Cunk

We can all agree the Dark Ages were pretty much wasted on femdom. And yet, to this day dominant women refuse to take advantage of the latest scientific insights into what torture can do for you. Just don't ask what it does to him. Even worse, the Dark Ages were truly a dark time for women. The printing press was invented and subsequently men were considered superior and women inferior. And you know how the Dark Ages really got their name? Because of the black ink they used for printing texts that eventually subdued women. But it got worse.

Cunk on Femdom Part Three - the Dark Ages

Black and white image of the Dark Ages. The rainbow was yet to be invented. Horses too.

Episode THREE: Tools of the trade, AKA advances in medieval torture

by Philomena Cunk

Some say Cleopatra had it easy. Probably because her people worshipped the sun. Who doesn't smile when the sun shines? Sadly, time progresses like only time can. According to official lore the middle ages were pretty dark, even darker than the dark ages that happened at the same time. Same place also. Then Goofy Guty - aka Herr Gutenberg invented the printing press and all hell broke loose. Men and women were officially no longer equal. Not that it was written in stone. Much worse, the revised gospel soon spread across the old continent. Because she was created out of his rib. One, two, three and counting. Nope, all 11 still there.

"May I?"
"Yep all 11 accounted for."
"Love you too."
One Woman, one Guy. Match made in heaven.

One can only wonder why men who can only count up to ten suddenly stop eating their T-bone steak when a pretty girl walks by. How's that for unequal? Anyway, that day it started raining. Still not sure it has stopped. And Christianity is not the only religion that places men on a pedestal, they all do it. Which is one more reason why I'll never visit Club Pedestal.

Cunk on Femdom Part Two - Cleopatra

Nurse Gypsy with some friends at the temple

Once again, this is not exactly the Peter Tupper version of the history of femdom. Let's say it's inspired by real events. Like me watching Netflix. Don't ask me how I did [they say vanilla Dutch is good with the ladies] but somehow Philomena Cunk has accepted my invitation to write a guest post. Here's Cunk on Femdom, part two. Which logically follows from part one.

Episode TWO: Cleopatra's Pyramid Scheme

by Philomena Cunk

"The Greeks invented many things that are still with us, like olives, and many things that have died out, like democracy."

I asked professional dominatrix Cybill Troy for a comment but she referred me to Cleopatra, a professional queen. And no, that does not make her Japanese, despite the fact that in Japanese, slaves refer to their mistress as queen. Dead? Yes. As for the question whether they had pyramids in old Nippon, not a clue. But they do have Tōkyō Dizunīrando. [Editor's note: Not a native English speaker yourself? Here it is in kanji:  東京ディズニーランド. Dutch lives to serve.]

Cunk on Femdom Part One - Of Bambams and Beginnings

Pebbles and Bambam shortly after they got married.

OK, this is not exactly the Peter Tupper version of the history of femdom. Let's say it's inspired by real events. Like me watching Netflix. Don't ask me how I did it but somehow Philomena Cunk has accepted my invitation to write a guest post. Here's Cunk on Femdom. 

Episode ONE: The Big BamBam

by Philomena Cunk

Believe it or not, it all started with the Flintstones and their fellow Troglodytes. One young woman, a baby in fact, deserves particular praise. Her name is Pebbles. As an infant she already beat the crap out of BamBam, hence his name. Later when they got married and he spent to much time in the booze cave, she took her big, wooden bat, hit him over the head and dragged him home by his beard. Yes dear reader, femdom was invented long before the safety razor came along.[2]

All good things come to an end, which is why at the dawn of the Dark Ages - the light switch was yet to be invented - only a handful of femdom havens - were left. Obviously the Amazons were one of them. Lesser known are Atlantis and Shangri La. These days the latter one is best known for hiding the secret base where the Leather Goddesses of Phobos land if they come to visit. Why not Atlantis? Because it's under water and you cannot land under water.