Consent Is Never Annoying

Consent is a moment in time, one that is fleeting at best. Saying no is forever. [3] 

Consensual non-consensual is real because we choose so. Non-consensual never is. Nor is it a choice.

Powerful image from the Burning Man festival: two grown-ups with their backs to each other, while their inner child connect. Sadly, today is about the opposite.

Welcome to Dutch' average Saturday morning, reading the papers. War to the left. Election fraud to the right. Stuff happening in Timbuktu staring right back at you. When is it not? Something going on at the Hogwarts School of Magic. Different realm. Next up a story about our kids doomed before they reach the age of 11. Finally there's the latest invention to save mankind. Why would we? Don't ask. And yes, it's going to be expensive, courtesy of grateful tax-payers. And no that's not the sort of non-consensual consensual I'm writing about. Whatever the news, I no longer care.

Love or hate social media, the internet allows like-minded people to connect. Beautiful. Just remember: it's no different from grocery shopping. Make a list before you leave the house or you'll end up with a partner that doesn't wet your appetite for long. It's perhaps why McDonalds still hasn't launched the love burger. Some things are harder than others. Love can be cruel, but it's no match for pretend-lovers.

Cupid's no-return policy dates back at least 11 billion years. Which means it's not gonna change anytime soon. Don't love her [him] anymore? Break up. No refunds. Just be gentle. But whatever you do, don't upset Cupid, trying to turn your 'loved one' into something she [or he] isn't. My bad, today it's not 'loved one' but 'lover boy.'

So you crave kinky sex and she doesn't? The two of you talked about it? Good. It happens. End of story. [11] Being deeply loved gives you strength. [1] With great power comes great responsibility. Yeah, right. Dutch is such a fool to fall for fancy words like that. [4]

At least for those in a position of power. Ironically, apart from words such as 'I', 'no' is one of the shortest words in the English language. And about the first word you learn. If she says no, it's final. The moment you start to push her for kinky sex, love walks out the door. Not?  Really? If she doesn't want to have anything to do with 50 Shades and pushy you love her, you kick her out. [2] What's not to understand? She says no. Full stop forever. If only everything in life were this simple. Maybe he knows about her childhood of being sexually assaulted by her brother and cousin, maybe he doesn't. It makes no difference. It shouldn't even matter. No means no.

By definition any succesful relationships demands a lot of give and take. When someone says no, it's no. Forever. End of argument. They'll tell you if they change their minds, don't worry, don't ever ask. In the mean time, if you, despite all the red flags, keep pushing your partner for something you want, it's no longer consensual. As Annalisa Barbieri writes in the Guardian:

"It’s your body and your choice, and you are totally within your rights to say no to anything."

Period.

You don't need a reason to say no, nor do you owe someone an explanation. Full stop. No means no. Nor is BDSM confusing. Whether you believe in male supremacy, female supremacy, aliens or consensual non-consensual alphabet spaghetti, no means no. Always and forever. No explanation necessary.

Before you read the full article, two more points. First there is: "not being comfortable with anything sexual – conventional, unconventional, kinky, however it’s labelled – is entirely your choice." Second: "get help and support as soon as you feel able." Please.

---

[1] The other half of that quote reads something like this: [being deeply loved by someone gives you strength,] while deeply loving someone gives you courage. Ancient philosopher Lao Tzu was a wise man, but not all courage that comes from love is used the way it should.

[2] Or you! Whatever you do, please break-up and move to the moon.

[3] Once again my English language skills play catch-up. You know what I mean.

[4] Apparently not even a Mum like queen Patricia is able to live up to those simple standards, trying to pimp her daughter as the next goddess of the OWK. Freedom rules (or at least it should.)

[11] Love and vanilla sex or fantastic femdom and no love? Let love rule.

Previous

Next