Thursday, April 21, 2016

Prince: "Women Not Girls Rule My World"

When it comes to the colour of my dreams - it's Nina Simone. Prince died on April 21st, 2016. After I heard he passed away, my subconscious made an exception for the next few nights [1]. Rightly so. A late obituary, with a whiff of femdom.

"... not your lover. Not your friend. Something that you'll never comprehend."

On more than one occassion, usually one or two days after I visited some club in Amsterdam, I read in the papers how Prince paid a surprise visit. Ofteny he performed live on stage. It is the one thing I don’t like about Prince: him and me were out of sync, which is forever my loss.

Music is magic. It is pure, undiluted emotion. Some lyrics are high on hormones. The best songs age with time. Recently I found myself listening to an old skool classic, Mtume. Of course I’m all in favour of Juicy Fruit. It reminded me of Prince, who sadly passed away.


To many, somebody who is dead, is the very opposite of hot n kinky. Still the influence of Prince is much underappreciated. Most people remember Prince Charles writing to his Camilla how he wishes he were her knickers. I genuinely feel sorry for the guy. To be royalty must be hell. Who wants to spend his life in the limelight solely for the amusement of those without a life of their own? Give the guy a break.

Prince, the musician, expressed somewhat similar feelings in his 1987 song “If I was your girlfriend” In it he explains the envy he feels towards the bond his fiance and her sister share. It makes him wonder:

If I was your girlfriend
Baby can I dress you
I mean, help you pick out your clothes
Before we go out
(If I was your girlfriend)
Listen girl, I ain't sayin you're helpless
But sometimes, sometimes
Those are the things that bein' in love's about (sugar)

Don't tell me you cannot relate this song to femdom, one way or another. Love, surrender, devotion but above all together in a world tailormade for just the two of you. With enough material to fill 44 more albums – it’s masters stored in the vault of his house – Prince will be around for a long time. Good, not that quantity ever made anyone a musical genius. Then again what does? Like most artists whose career spans multiple decades, we all have our favourite Prince era. Despite that there is one central theme throughout his work: Go our own way. Excellent advice, but not always easy to follow. On top of that Prince was also an early advocate of sexual freedom. Not that most people care to remember.

In the early eighties one of his proteges was an all-female band called Vanity-6. He originally suggested the name Vagina, which was rejected by its lead singer. The Guardian describes it as “seemingly an embodiment of Prince’s sexual fantasies.” Good for him. We all are who we are and a little hedonism never hurt anyone. As always terms and conditions do apply.


One can easily write an entire obituary based on nothing but Prince song titles. Fame is not my thing but if you are of Prince stardom and about to get married to the one you love and you manage to write something as magical as “The most beautiful girl in the world”, you know what matters. It’s about one women. Just one. Which is more than enough for even the boldest of us men. At the same time the song emphasizes just how much we men love women. Nothing short of a stroke of genius – and also deeply personal. I can’t sing and I certainly cannot dance, but I do get it. The track is also proof of another unique Prince quality, gathering talented people around him, irrelevant of gender, sex or whatever. I’m from another galaxy, but even I nod in agreement when he sings:

"And if the stars ever fell one by one from the sky
I know Mars could not be too far behind,"

"Cuz baby, this kind of beauty has got no reason to ever be shy
 'Cuz honey, this kind of beauty is the kind that comes from inside."

Someone one on Bustle explains it like this:

“Prince had sexy songs, but this was about love and devotion. Here was this guy who surrounded himself with beautiful women, letting them know he bowed down to them.” 

I’m not really sure about that bow down thingy, but other than that, I agree. Prince wrote "The most beautiful girl" in 1995 for Mayte Garcia, his soon to be fiancee. Their marriage lasted four years. Shortly after his death, she said the relationship “screwed” her for life, meaning she cannot find lasting love. She says so in the best sense of the word. I'm not a afraid of a little competition, in fact I love it. but facing a poet like Prince, who wrote many beautiful love songs just for this one woman, is nothing short of Herculean. Good thing my super powers lay elsewhere.

When Mayte Garcia speaks about what it means to be married to "The Symbol". I found myself drawing parallels to a femdom relationship. Do you love the woman, the mistress, the symbol or...? What does it all mean? She concludes by saying it was the most bizarre relationship ever, but I will always love him. We've all been there, done that. What else is new?

Nothing compares 2 u

u no I had 2 do that. The way we text n app today owes a lot 2 Prince. He kinda introduced shorthand. Nothing compares 2 U. is perhaps the most depressing song of all time. Everybody remembers sad Sinead’s O’Connor and her shaved head back from 1991. That song too, was originally written and recorded by Prince.

Even though D’Angelo is a bit slow when it comes to releasing new albums, he never seizes to amaze. A while ago I heard his version of “Tell me if you still care”, a forgotten 1980s disco song. It's pure genius. It transforms the original from the mundane to the superb. His tribute to Prince is just as amazing. Listen to his version of “Sometimes it snows in April.”

So Prince is a musical genius who advocated going your own way - with a dash of kink. Still a bit light on femdom. Don't you worry. With the help of Britain's best - tabloid headlines that is - I'll make you see the light.

Sex rules the world: How girls dominate Prince's life and work
Prince - slave to his music: Record label rows then a creative renaissance
Prince's ex-wife Mayte Garcia: It was the most bizarre relationship ever but I will always love him

Of course the first one is total nonsense. It goes for all men. Not so the second one. Grace Jones - the original femdom icon - sang about slave to the music long before that. Prince was no more a slave to the music than I am a slave to kink. Music is part of him (and) me. Kink is part of me (and him?) And yet...

Big corporations own people – legally binding contracts and so on. Prince and Warner - his record company at the time - had one such dispute. During performances he wrote slave on his cheek to make his feelings clear.

OK, I admit, it's just a bunch of attention grabbing headlines. Following his death, Salon's Amanda Marcotte argues how Prince's music explored loving women for their independence and sexual autonomy - in a unique, deep and Prince only way. That I love. More importantly, she continues with something even more interesting:

...he had a certain zeal for songs about women who know what they want and are not afraid to get it. His (mostly) unabashed enthusiasm for the bold woman was fun, enlightening...

the impact of Prince’s countless songs about ladies who express themselves, often at length...

I've always wondered whether my preference for strong woman made me look for a short cut to happiness, If so, is that why I discovered femdom? Whether or not it is true, I paid the price for my ingnorance and laziness many times over. In the end it's no longer relevant how I ended up where I am. But there is one thing I know for sure. I want the people I love to have the same opportunities - and preferably more than that - I have. Something irrelevant of whether they're male, female or any other discriminating factor. Of course that goes for everyone, but it holds especially true for the ones who have a place in my heart. Oh boy, did I just fall into the mousetrap of a lifetime?

A Love Bizarre

Music magazine Rolling Stone published a great obituary. The headline says: Prince, the Secret Philanthropist: 'His Cause Was Humanity' Too bad, most people will never know.

If you look at the people who collaborated with Prince, the list goes on and on. Apart from Sheila E, Morris Day (The Time) is perhaps the most important. Unlike most others he was his own man which is perhaps best illustrated by the fact that Prince considered him the competition. Their real life adversarial relationship was re-enacted in the movie "Purple Rain".

Back to Prince. The kink is definitely there, we all know. Prince being the symbol he is, doesn't make it easy to pinpoint exactly where and what. Perhaps you think this is too easy, but I'm gonna leave you with Sheila E - Prince' longterm collaborator. Remember "A Love Bizarre?" That's why.

Playing with gender stereo types Click here fore Youtube video

[1] 'Purple Rain' was originally 11 minutes long.

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