Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Rebellious Bratty Slaves Are Underappreciated

In all walks of life a little rebellious streak is very much appreciated. But not in femdom. That doesn't make sense. Bratty subs add value to the scene as long as they understand give and take and the nature of power exchange.

Boots Yakata, KKK, Japanese mistress puts her boots on her slave
Who needs to lay on the floor when you can sit up and still feel her boot?
Good thing I like boots too. (Image: Boots Yakata: KKK-18)

We are all attracted to kink for different reasons. The 247 crowd is the most vocal in expressing their preferences, something that makes it easy to forget it is not how it works for everyone. Google "femdom" and their blogs will show up first. Reading them as part of an introduction to the mistress/slave dynamic, often leaves outsiders and interested parties with a narrow, warped view of what kink can be.

Right to rebel
As a slave I am not allowed to have an opinion, but my rebellious nature forces me to express myself on a regular basis. On top of that I enjoy challenging authority - real and assumed. The latter is more fun of course. Even if you don't agree with what I write, just think about it.

BDSM has a lot of hidden rules. One is: nobody likes bratty subs.
"If you are not going to be submissive, I am not going to make you."
That is a classic. I read it years ago and to this very day it puzzles me. Of course, the femdom dynamic is about give and take. All relations are. Except for the one  with the taxman. But that isn’t give and take either. Non-consensual dominance anyone?

A mistress can express her preference for a slave with a truly submissive heart, without being ridiculed. A sub in search of a real domme, is often frowned upon. A slave who does not accept authority from just anyone who merely considers herself a dominant, is considered guilty of a cardinal sin by most within the lifestyle.

They ought to think again. If being dominant is what truly matters, why not appreciate a slave who is criticical of the wannabe’s? Dominance is a blade. In order to prevent it from getting dull, you need to sharpen it regularly. Having your authority challenged is one way. Perhaps not the easiest for some, but it weeds out most pretenders. That is where rebellious subs come in. By questioning popular assumptions, they allow those who prefer the dominant role, based on who they are, to distinguish themselves from the ones who merely want to be in control and assume a sub’s desire to submit is enough to make them dominant. Nothing wrong with that, but please understand different people look for different things.

james dean - rebel without a cause
Rebellious subs: not a suitable toy for pretenders.

Strong is what I want
As a man, I am attracted to strong women. Strength can defined in any number of ways. Some believe weak men look for strong women to lead them. Most strong women would never accept. I don’t believe that is true either. What matters is how you define strength and dominance. Being CEO of the biggest badass company in the world doesn’t necessarily make you strong. It makes you the boss. That is just a title. After that you are on your own.

True strength is an indistinguishable personal quality that shows up when times are good, but also when they turn bad. It can be a simple stubborn perseverance, being successful in whatever you do. It is not about the distance travelled, but the effort it took. What I’ve learned is that when people show strength of character in one area of their lives, they simply are strong people. That same trait will pop up whenever needed, no matter the circumstances. Untill then it can lay dormant, but it is there. It is what I love above anything else in a woman. Without it, I have very little interest in them. Becoming their slave will be even harder.

Emotions take over
That element of strength, dominance so you like, also matters in femdom. Kink is a mental game. It deals with emotions. One of them is me being able to feel mistress' desire – need is even better - to control me. Her wanting to have that power over me. At other times she can be the most supportive companion, but right there and then, she wants to own me, being in control and rule over me unquestioned. Me? I want to feel her desire to subjugate me. Not that it is terribly hard, after all I want her to. One way to feel her strength is by challenging mistress just a little bit, hoping it brings out that dominant, take no prisoners attitude. That constant back and forth adds a special kind of dynamic to my mistress-slave relationship. It is not for everyone.

Feel the vibe
Perhaps the parallel of the boot explains it best. You are lying on the floor, face down, with mistress' boot firmly planted in your neck. You fight it, trying to get up from underneath. As you lift your head, you feel the pressure of her boot and try harder. You fight. But after you elevate your head a few inches, it is full stop. A brief pause follows. Mistress ponders whether or not to allow you more room to wriggle. Cat and mouse game? She decides no. Her boot slowly starts pushing you down again. The pressure is not a sudden, massive force. She adminsters her strength in a controlled, deliberate manner. Mistress knows brute power is the opposite of impressive. Restrained force is so much better. By nudging your head slowly towards the floor again – unstoppable - she shows you who is in control. Struggling to keep your head up – that is also who you are – but in the end you face is back on the floor, her foot firmly planted in your neck. Finally, mistress subtly signals the difference between before and after by applying just that little bit more pressure. To let you know. Superfluous, I agree. Your little rebellious acts taught you what you want, but it is gonna costs you. Playful and painful of course.

It is an inaccurate comparison, but it helps to understand how the game of give and take works. You struggle, but in the end she asserts her dominance. Mistress understands your subjugation leads you to where you want to be, despite a fight or flight impulse. The only way that happens is when the woman – not the mistress – impresses me. Sometimes by merely sampling her personal strength. At other times by challenging her.

Nobody can be dominant all the time. Knowing it is there, to me, is instrumental in any long-time mistress-slave relationship. Some dommes frown upon the idea of being a fetish delivery system, refusing to acknowledge that for rebellious subs it works different. Accepting their submission without appreciating the underlying dynamics, reduces a slave to your personal fetish delivery system. Surely that is not what you want.

As for me, I likely am the worst slave in the world. I am certainly a rebellious one. Finding a compatible mistress and experiencing her strength is like being exposed to a local increase of gravity, its strenght forcing you on your knees. Believe me, it is a good thing, Compare it to the sun shining and feeling its warmth on your skin. When it is there, it is very real, but just like night follows day, there is a time and a place for everything. After all, who can survive on lust alone?

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