Wednesday, October 07, 2015

Trust: The Secret Ingredient In All Relationships

If a husband and wife share an interest in femdom, but never talk about it during many decades of marriage, what's the point?

hamburger shaped mouth gag
I'm lovin' it. But how do I tell thee, my love?

Something's missing
Is it love when there is physical intimacy but not mental intimacy? Two people loving each other, yet living their separate lives, without knowing they want the same thing. Two people who are even more compatible than they think, somehow mess it up. Guess it means if you love her but find it hard to talk to her, try harder. Trust or loose.

We can all list the things we do for love. Swap love for femdom and ask yourself, is the sub really sacrificing his happiness to please his mistress? I’ve often wondered whether BDSM isn’t simply love with a bit of pain and role play added to it. Bringing it up can be hard. If you love someone, you want them to spare the pain of something – you  assume – will disgust them. 

Personally I don’t tell the ones I loves – family, friends – I am into kink. I do not want to burden them with something they most likely cannot understand. They love me and I love them. But what if you fall in love with someone and worry that your kinky desires will drive them away. Is it wrong to bottle up your feeling and be with the one you love?

Trust, not numbers, is what matters
Researching the Domme Deficit I ran into a sad story Labcoat Lingerie reprinted from Edukink. In “One of the 19” Fuzz writes about her first femdom experience in secondary school, long before she knew what  it was – just like me. It made her wonder why male subs outnumber female dommes 20 to 1. According to Bitchy Jones the other 19 female dommes are “missing”. That only works if you assume the number of female dommes equals the supply of available subs. I wish that were true. What if for every 20 women who love the romantic movie “The Notebook”, only one man does so. Are 19 missing or did they never exist in the first place?

There are any number of reasons why someone doesn’t share her kink feelings with the man she loves. Sometimes a fantasy should remain just that. Perhaps she wasn’t ready. Maybe their relationship lacked trust.

A man who came to an introductory BDSM event, for his first time, at quite an advanced age.

“What kept you away so long?” they asked him.

“Well,” he said, “I always knew I was kinky, but I was married for a long time and I figured my wife wouldn’t be into it. Not long ago, though, my wife passed away …

… and then I read her diary.”

Whatever the reason she didn't share her feelings, it is a sad story. It leaves the question if you should read her diary after she passes away when she didn't confide in you when she was your wife.

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