Friday, April 24, 2015

11 Movies to watch instead of 50 Shades

The Fifty Shades bashing continues with a list of movies I recommend over Fifty Shades. It is basically any movie as long as there is some link to femdom, strong female characters or fetish in it.

Selena and Trinity have more than one thing in common.
Neither made the Top 11
  1. Following this blog, you probably expect R100 to top the list. Good guess, but it is at number 4. The best movie to watch instead of Fifty Shades is "The Lady", a story about the life of Daw Aung San Suu Kyi's and her brave struggle for freedom in Burma. Oh, and it is real life, like in now and today. Unfortunately!

  2. If it wasn't for the lady herself, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" would have ended ex aquo with "The Lady". Chinese made, directed by Ang Lee, it tells the story of two women "both capable fighters", intertwined during the Qing Dynasty. Qing is China's last imperial dynasty, which ended in 1912. One of the heroines tries passionately to break free from the constraints society has placed upon her, even if it means giving up her aristocratic privileges for a life of crime and passion…" (source Mubi) As a bonus it stars the marvelous Michelle Yeoh. The very same actress who portrays Daw Aung San Suu Kyi in "The Lady"

  3. Travelling West from Burma to Iran: "Persepolis", Marjane Satrapi's book made into an animated film tells the coming of age story during the Iranian Revolution of a rebellious firebrand. Years later, once the dust settles down, she reconnects with her loved ones, only to find out the world has changed. Which bonds do stand the test of time and adversity?

  4. "R100", the first proper "femdom" movie in this list. It is weird, odd and Japanese. Go see it, enjoy it, just don't over think it over. Then go to visit Japan. Just do it!

  5. Sharon Stone goes from strength to strength in "Basic Instinct" Please forget the interrogation scene but feel free to remember the ice pick.

  6. Woody Allen famously said: "life's full of misery and its all over much to soon". "Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind" is perhaps a more in-depth version of "Total Recall", but why ever would you choose to erase the memory of a love past. Of course it hurts but why not treasure what once was? If you are looking for a femdom connection: Joel (Jim Carrey) is a rather milquetoast man who meets up with free spirit Clementine (Kate Winslet), so strong woman, weak man. Fortunately that is not how it works for most of us.

  7. Pipi Longstocking is the original female superhero. Yes another surprise, a young girl stronger than a dozen men on a mission to find and rescue her father. Perhaps one of the best things that Scandinavia gave us. It certainly beats the yellow and blue flatpack giant. I know you did not expect this one, but Pipi is the quintessential strong "girl" on a mission.

  8. Remember "The Terminator" and Sarah Connor? I'll just leave it at that.

  9. Sarah Connor, the only woman other than Grace Jones to ever defeat Arnold Schwarzenegger.

  10. Some say he is the ultimate misogynist, but director Clint Eastwood's "Million Dollar Baby" caused quite a stir when it was released  Commentators claimed the movie supported assisted suicide. It went on to win 4 Oscars. It also features Dutch fighter Lucia Ryker, an impressive woman: a talented and skilled fighter, which she combines with a warm and caring personality. In one word: awesome.

  11. George Lucas believes the Star Wars legacy is in safe hands with the Disney (C) Corporation. Oh boy! When DisneyCorp (C) (TM) acquired the distribution rights to "Spirited Away", it mutilated the original movie so bad, director Hayao Miyazaki decided never to license again. An often heard critique of DisneyEmpire Inc. (C) (TM) is the way it portrays women: dumb and dumber. Most are hapless, a few lucky ones are mere evil. Not that I don't like evil women, but terms and conditions apply. If you want amazing, beautiful animated movies, go watch a Studio Ghibli film. It is the Japanese (uberquivalent) of Disney (Mulan or Brave anyone?). Take your pick: "Princess Monoke" or perhaps "The Tale Of The Princess Kaguya". What about "Kiki's Delivery Service", a classic coming of age tale or the courageous "Nausicaä of the valley from the wind" from the future. Unfortunately the position of the animated heroines is very different from the position of women in today's Japan.

  12. Just like kink has its own utopia, the 1990's movie "Starship Troopers" paints a perfect future, with just one glitch: evil alien bugs want to destroy "our way of life". Teenagers earn citizenship by joining an intergalactic military in which men and women are equal. In one particular scene they even shower together. The Nazi symbolism is a bit heavy handed but then again look back to last year where the British banned "extreme porn", pretty much to the ridicule of the rest of the world. Look at the whole of history and you see man and woman started out as equals but then something went wrong. According to the Bible, Eve was created out of Adam's rib. Historians phrase it differently but usually pinpoint the same change to around the time where nomads became farmers.
    For all its terrible references and not so subtle ways to influence our believes, the idea that after several millennia history will finally come full circle and women and men are equal once again--as they should--is the basic premises why I included the movie.
    Of course I had to include it for personal reasons. Just before she gets eaten by some giant alien bug, she confesses to the man she loves, it has been all worthwhile because he was hers, if only for one night.

There is one movie, or rather short story I left out. Written by Roald Dahl and presented by Alfred Hitchcock one that definitely trumps Fifty Shades any day. I won't spoil the plot, just see for yourself. It is called: "Man From The South." I remember it from long ago when it was already a re-run. If you enjoy evil twisted games, it's definitely for you.

Chop, chop, hammertime, baby.

That's all folks?

Of course not. If your favourite picture is missing, consider it randomness, I had to leave out quite a few myself. The following movies did not make the list:

  • Not "Amelie", cause how can you care so much about others but ignore yourself? Luckily the movie is not as bleak as that.
  • Not "Anne Frank", cause resilience while doomed. Terrible suffering did not make her loose her faith in humanity. The worst thing is there are still people wondering believing she is fictional.
  • Not "Audition", cause it's scarier and more sadistic than that other Japanese movie, "The Ring". Watch it at your own peril.

  • Not "Bandit Queen", cause? Based on the real life story of Phoolan Devi, who became a modern day Indian Robin Hood after taking revenge on the men who raped her. The movie is from 1994. Mrs. Devi was killed in 2001.
  • Not "Beauty and the Beast" cause for all my Disney bashing the story of a young girl taking her father's place as the Beast's prisoner turned out to be a pretty good movie. And there was something about a rose. Obviously.
  • Not "Carve her name with pride" cause. No good reason. Based on the real life story of Violette Szabo, who as a Special Operations Executive went on several missions to France. Captured in 1944 by the Nazi's, she was interrogated and tortured but did not give up any information. She ended up in Ravensbruck concentration camp where she was shot in Januari of 1945.
  • Not "Cleopatra", cause it would be silly to forget to include the ancient Egyptian Goddess.
  • Not "Diabolique" cause the suspense will kill you. The wife of a cruel headmaster and his mistress conspire to kill him, but after the murder is committed, his body disappears, and strange events begin to plague the two women.
  • Not "Elizabeth", cause they should have made a movie about Catherine the Great instead.
  • Not "Erin Brokovich?" Because: Nah. (and for reference, just like all men I fell in love with her in "Pretty Woman")
  • Not "G.I. Jane". Really?
  • Not "Gone with the Wind", cause no comment needed.
  • Not "Harry Potter", cause did not know what episode to choose. Hermione is a bit annoying, kind of Lisa Simpson style. Actress Emma Watson herself is an activist, promoting education for girls, visiting Bangladesh and Zambia to do so, was appointed as a UN Women Goodwill Ambassador in 2014.
  • Not "Hounded" (Verfolgt), cause it's a pretty good movie about S&M. A fifty year old woman, a social worker, gets involved with a 16 year old client, who turns out to be a masochist and soon she start to experiment sexually.

  • Not "The Hunger Games", cause haven't seen it yet.
  • Not "Jackie Brown" Not because bad things happen when Elmore Leonard meets Quentin Tarantino.
  • Not "Kill Bill", because sword buckling vigilante kills 'm all. Quentin Tarantino is OK, remember the BDSM scene in Pulp Fiction": weird but cool. Besides why not have Lucy Liu instead of Uma Thurmann?
  • Not "Legally Blond" cause if I include it you laugh at me. It is always a good idea to get an education, especially when you can get into Harvard Law School and graduate top of your class. Did I forget to mention she went there because of her ex-boyfriend, who thought she was to blonde to become his wife. He used her and dumped her instead. Guess he is into real-world humiliation because he is about to find out, she has a better legal mind than he does. Revenge is a dish best served cold.
  • Not "Leon, the professional", yes there is tremendous strength in the young girl but let's just remember it for what it is: as an amazing, beautiful movie. At the time of writing it is in the top 200 movies of all time, as compiled by IMDB
  • Not "Long Kiss Goodnight", cause the end is terrible.
  • Not "Memoirs of a Geisha", cause the concept of geisha is ill understood. The movie itself comes highly recommended.
  • Not "Misery", cause (do I need to explain?) strong woman is also evil.
  • Not "Mistress", cause just kink is never enough.
  • Not "Not without my daughter" cause just because people adhere to a different religion does not make them evil. Good culture vs bad culture, just too easy. It's why I can't tell anybody I'm into kink.
  • Not "Pirates of the Carribean", cause if you are interested in a female led relationship why not serve under pirate captain Keira Knightley directly?
  • Not "Silence of the Lambs", cause it is situational.
  • Not "So Close" cause two kick-ass female assasins is something nobody cares about--except for me. Just remember I set the bar low, the list is about movies that are better than Fifty Shades, but if I hadn't included this movie, people might start to complain about why I left out Charlie's Angels.

  • Not "Sunset Boulevard", cause I saw it years ago, so i copied this from IMDB: "The crumbling Sunset Boulevard mansion where she lives with only her butler, Max who was once her director and husband..." Of course it ends badly.
  • Not "The Girl with the red hair", cause I have to include at least one Dutch movie. A young girl who joins the resistance near the end of World War II, only to be captured and shot a few weeks before the end of the war.
  • Not "The Matrix, cause Trinity's character goes from strength to weakness, unfortunately. Doesn't mean I don't like her (a lot)
  • Not "The Piano"", simply because it is not a movie I manage to finish.
  • Not "The Quick And The Dead", cause Westerners are so 2014. Lady avengers, female gunslingers? Nah.
  • Not "Thelma and Louise", cause you kind of expected that.
  • Not "Underworld" cause who likes vampire warriors in tight latex-clad outfits anyway?
  • Not "Wadjda", cause it's just 11 items. Everybody--except us Dutch--knows bicycles are dangerous to a girl's virtue, that is, if you live in Saudi Arabia. So what happens if a girl enters a Quran recital competition to win the price money necessary to buy a bike?
  • Not "Whiplash" cause there is simply no connection to femdom in it for me. Not.
  • Not "White Palace", cause it's primarily "Pretty Woman" in reverse. Susan Sarandon plays an older blue collar woman who falls in love with a rich young Jewish guy. Then life throws the usual obstacles at them. The movie has little to do with kink, but going against what socieity considers acceptable warrants its inclusion. Cultural differences should not stand in the way of love.
  • Not "Wilde Salomé", cause... Oscar Wilde's "Salome" warrant its inclusion but both the movie and the story are pretty bad (Still worth watching over 50 Shades:)
  • And definitely not Fatal Attraction, La Femme Nikita, Aliens, Tomb Raider or Bandidas.

Oops turns out to be fifty titles after all. Sorry ;)

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