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| Pebbles and Bambam shortly after they got married. |
OK, this is not exactly the Peter Tupper version of the history of femdom. Let's say it's inspired by real events. Like me watching Netflix. Don't ask me how I did it but somehow Philomena Cunk has accepted my invitation to write a guest post. Here's Cunk on Femdom.
Episode ONE: The Big BamBam
by Philomena Cunk
Believe it or not, it all started with the Flintstones and their fellow Troglodytes. One young woman, a baby in fact, deserves particular praise. Her name is Pebbles. As an infant she already beat the crap out of BamBam, hence his name. Later when they got married and he spent to much time in the booze cave, she took her big, wooden bat, hit him over the head and dragged him home by his beard. Yes dear reader, femdom was invented long before the safety razor came along.[2]
All good things come to an end, which is why at the dawn of the Dark Ages - the light switch was yet to be invented - only a handful of femdom havens - were left. Obviously the Amazons were one of them. Lesser known are Atlantis and Shangri La. These days the latter one is best known for hiding the secret base where the Leather Goddesses of Phobos land if they come to visit. Why not Atlantis? Because it's under water and you cannot land under water.
So Dark Ages, right? So dark in fact people went to war over which god was the best: the infamous wars between the followers of the Elephant Deity and the Rabbit God. Worship our side of the story or else. It was when chastity devices were invented. No, not male chastity device, female ones. Yes, yikes. Luckily the women at the time had many servants, guaranteeing no woman has to suffer the indignity of chastity involuntarily. Which is a good thing because most of the men who went of to fight in faraway lands never returned. Or they melted their keys into swords and cannon balls. Can you imagine?
Soon the women got annoyed. By the habits of their king to be exact. As I explained in my documentary on Britain. King Arthur came a lot. As a result the male chastity device was born. At first king Arthur laughed about it. 'If I can pull a sword from a stone, how hard can it be to unsheathe my, ahem, carrot from such a contraption? It wasn't meant to be and that sucked according to king Arthur, which is hard to believe that actually happened with his prized possession caged. [1] Many men would follow, yet somehow the women of the world always picked the wrong ones. Why cage meek men and let the dangerous ones roam free?
The Dark Ages were not that dark. Great advances were made to the science of torture. Depending on your view of who is the better deity: rabbit or elephant you were either the scientist or subject. Many of the tools of the trade invented back then haven't changed in ages. But now we're getting ahead of the story. "Humankind emerges from the caves and starts inventing." That's from my documentary 'Cunk on Earth'. And yes they asked me to host it because neither Sir David Attenborough nor Dame Edna were available. So let's do some inventing.
Next time on Cunk on Femdom: Cleopatra's pyramid scheme.
- Part One - Of Bambams and Beginnings
- Part Two - Cleopatra's Pyramid Scheme
- Part Three - The Dark Ages of Femdom
- Part Four - Scientific Foundations of Femdom
- Part Five - The Internet and Femdom
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Face the music
by Philomena Cunk
The BBC forced that horrible Belgian house anthem upon me when I made Cunk on Earth. The only person who likes it is that guy Dutch. Really? I have no clue why the BBC wanted to use the national anthem of Canada as a reference for my documentary. Makes no sense to use such an epic track if there is an even more epic one than Pump up the Jam: the national anthem of Atlantis. And it's so romantic. It's the theme from Love Boat. Don't worry about the whole pump up thing. I'm sure there's a lot of that going on on board as wel. So cute.
So Technotronic's Pump up the Jam has racked up 20.000 comments since I used it on my show. Let's see if we can outdo ourselves with the even more massive anthem of Atlantis. Jack Jones' The Love Boat has currently 128 comments. Let's pump that up!
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| Jack Jones - Theme from Love Boat [click to listen] |
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‘Absurdity to a new level’ as Russia takes charge of UN security council.
From the Guardian:
"From Saturday, [April 01] it will be Russia’s turn to take up the monthly presidency of the 15-member council, in line with a rotation that has been unaffected by the Ukraine war.
The last time Russia held the gavel was in February last year, when Putin declared his “special military operation” in the middle of a council session on Ukraine. Fourteen months on, tens of thousands of people have been killed, many of them civilians, cities have been ruined and Putin has been indicted by the international criminal court for the mass abduction of Ukrainian children.
In such circumstances, putting Russia in the driving seat of a world body tasked with “maintaining international peace and security” seems like a cruel April fools joke to many, not least the Ukrainian mission to the UN."
Notes
[1] Zoals de onlangs overleden Wim de Bie het samenvatte: 'wat is jouw moyenne, qua kieren?' Gezien deze recente ontboezemingen over koning Arthur is dat vast niet al te hoog. Wim de Bie (1939–2023), een van de grappigste en relevantste komieken die ik ken. Rust in vrede.
[2] For obvious reasons - you cannot hit a baby, even if you are an infant yourself - there is no formal record of Pebbles being the first domme in the history of femdom. Officially that title goes to Cleopatra. Yes, that woman who was boss over Egypt when they built those pointy pyramids.
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