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| Black and white image of the Dark Ages. The rainbow was yet to be invented. Horses too. |
Episode THREE: Tools of the trade, AKA advances in medieval torture
by Philomena Cunk
Some say Cleopatra had it easy. Probably because her people worshipped the sun. Who doesn't smile when the sun shines? Sadly, time progresses like only time can. According to official lore the middle ages were pretty dark, even darker than the dark ages that happened at the same time. Same place also. Then Goofy Guty - aka Herr Gutenberg invented the printing press and all hell broke loose. Men and women were officially no longer equal. Not that it was written in stone. Much worse, the revised gospel soon spread across the old continent. Because she was created out of his rib. One, two, three and counting. Nope, all 11 still there.
"May I?"
"Yep all 11 accounted for."
"Love you too."
One
Woman, one Guy. Match made in heaven.
One can only wonder why men who can only count up to ten suddenly stop eating their T-bone steak when a pretty girl walks by. How's that for unequal? Anyway, that day it started raining. Still not sure it has stopped. And Christianity is not the only religion that places men on a pedestal, they all do it. Which is one more reason why I'll never visit Club Pedestal.
Which is one more reason why I'll never visit Club Pedestal. Back then, humanity was divided into three separate groups. Superior men, men desperately wandering in search of her loving arms and finally those who told themselves they were not worthy of her. Trust me, your choice but her decision. Don't say I'm wrong, just enjoy the moment. See how she lifts your head higher and higher with just one finger? Of course those who were in chains back then didn't get a vote. Human cargo, some call them slaves, which I find rather tasteless, had no voice.
“Ancient people invented currency to make life on earth easier but in doing so they inadvertently invented capitalism, which is going to kill everyone.”
In case you think this argument comes dangerously close to women being more stupid than men, think again. Use that bar of soap. Again. No, rinse and repeat. Get a shave and look into the sun. We, I mean they, are half the world, [1] so are they. Just play nice. And take a hint. Especially that first one about soap. It works miracles.
In the interbellum between the religious wars between rabbit and elephant gods, at least breaking skulls made some sense.Here's a classic hymn by saint Michael and saint Paul:
"She love me."
"No she loves me more."
"I love you more than
he"
"Well, I love you endlessly"
Love is a worthy cause fighting for. As long as your keep it civilized and respect her wishes. And yes, sometimes that's hard, especially when loves tears a hole in your soul. No matter what, smile and stay with the program.
After Gutty invented the printing press male supremacy quickly became the new normal. Other religions sighted a sigh of relief, wondering why our faith hesitated for so long. And the world was made whole again. Except for the fact that we all know Gaia is a woman. Sadly at the time, even she was powerless. Rabbits smashing elephants while elephants trampled rabbits. Dark Ages. Not that it made any difference. Until someone came up with the idea to hurt human animals that were different to make them see the light. Much later a book was written about it, I think it's called Animal Farm where pigs are force-fed apples. Until they literally started pooping up the jam [marmalade] for breakfast. Or else... Don't worry that boring book was written somewhere in the 1980's. I think it was 1984, at least half a decade before Belgium began pumpin' up the jam.
Even in the Middle Ages marketing was hot. How about an Iron Virgin? You would think it's a chastity device with sharp pins on the inside. You're half right. The second half is correct, but rather worrisome, it was a full body armour, shut slam rather forcefully. Ouch! Even if you changed your affiliation from one beast to another and despite whatever heaven they promised you, it was too late. Time's up. Not Tik Tok but drip, drip. Blood all over the floor, just as lethal as those pyramids of old.
Even worse, such inventions were no use to the underground femdom resistance. Not that they were interested to be sure. No domme wants to say goodbye to her slave. Two reasons for that. Except for a few, a domme is a woman first - the very same half of humanity that enslaves the other half. So mean. Then again true beauty has a cost. A small sum in comparison in what what me - oops- YOU men get in return. It's still me [your] Phella talking, don't worry. Then there are the evil ones. A small group of fa-k-dommes view men as prey. Random wallets with ears attached to it. Ears to receive commands. After all no wallet is truly empty until it is. So sad. And very much not beautiful.
The second reason is that you want to 'toy' with them over and over, which brings me to an interview with a famous dominant woman I had earlier. For privacy reasons I'll refer to her as mistress X or X. Just to make sure, PC stands for Philomena Cunk, that's me not my laptop.
PC: Dear X, despite centuries of rapid advances modern day torture, most dommes remain hecklers for the tools of the old. You know canes, whips, floggers, the lot. Are dominant women a bit slow when it comes to scientific advances or do they get paid by the lash?
X: Dominant women are certainly not backward as you improperly suggest my dear lady. We are at the forefront of modern technology, just look at how findoms use high tech like mobile phones to rinse their victims. A little more respect please.
PC: The whip was invented before Christ yet you still use it. The Middle Ages brought us new, exciting developments like the rack. Even a sordid place like the OWK had one. You live in a big city, where apartments are very expensive. What's your home storage solution?
X: I don't have a rack. Not at home at least.
PC: But don't you take pride in your work? And what if there's a war and you need to extract the information with maximum efficiency. You know when, like, time is of the essence. How else are you gonna get the secret code before it's too late?
X: Dominant women torture men for fun.
PC: Of course, you have to enjoy it to be good at what you do, just look at me. But what do you do when the fate of the whole world - or even just a small country like Ukraine - hangs in the balance by how swift you manage to extract the information from your slave? Upgrade your tools or stick with that silly old bullwhip?
X: We don't extract information, we just hurt and humiliate men. For fun.
PC: So there's really no point in what you do.
X: Of course there is.
PC: That was not a question.
Clearly the Dark Ages still linger on. Perhaps that's why some refer to our modern day kitchens as dark once the cooky jar is empty. As for those advances in the science of torture, I find it hard to understand why [Cunk's fellow women, Ed.] women on the one hand consider themselves to be dominant and superior yet on the other refuse to take advantage of recent developments in the field of scientific torture. And they're really awesome. And cool! Almost as if they don't believe in themselves.
No-one can deny both women and the femdom [men and slaves have no voice in this] were left behind in the Dark Ages, a time when nobody spoke of efficient and speedy outcomes. Luckily the sun, however little, finally began to set over the Dark Days of Femdom witch the Early Modern Age almost around the corner. Just don't get your hopes up.
Next time on Cunk on Femdom: Scientific foundatations 'n'stuff.
- Part One - Of Bambams and Beginnings
- Part Two - Cleopatra's Pyramid Scheme
- Part Three - The Dark Ages of Femdom
- Part Four - Scientific Foundations of Femdom
- Part Five - The Internet and Femdom
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Face the music
by Philomena Cunk
Don't believe everything you see. That lovely lady dancing is not Mrs. Technotronic. In fact it's Congolese model Felly Kilingi. The late 1980s were Milli Vanilli time and the real singer - they say - was Ya Kid K. The truth will probably always remain shrouded in mystery but well informed sources at the BBC told me the original vocals for Pump up the Jam were sung by Helene Fischer, a German singer of Russian descent. Makes sense if you listen closely. Especially her song 'Atemlos durch die Nacht' [breathless through the night] hides a lot of clues. So is Helene Fischer really Ya Kid K? And what happened to Milli Vanilli? Was it so bad what they did? More on that in my upcoming series Cunk on Techno later this year. Guess you didn't see that coming. But first next time more on the national anthem of the OWK.
Here it is, one of the darkest songs ever written: 'Atemlos durch die Nacht' Not sure whether it was written during the Dark Ages or at night. Don't hold your breath for the answer.
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| Helene 'Technotronic Fischer - Atemlos durch die Nacht [click to listen] |
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'Ätemlos durch die Nacht'
Wir sind unzertrennlich' [inseperable]'
You know where it's really dark? And for over a year? Ukraine. Don't you forget that.
Here's a composite from NASA. Below two screen prints, first one from late 2021, second one is last August. Just look at the black hole in the middle. That's our Ukraine!
Notes
[1] Yes, this is still Philomena Cunk speaking. If it were Dutch he would have written that we [women] are his whole world. The guy is a bit slow but definitely not stupid.
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