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| Nurse Gypsy with some friends at the temple |
Once again, this is not exactly the Peter Tupper version of the history of femdom. Let's say it's inspired by real events. Like me watching Netflix. Don't ask me how I did [they say vanilla Dutch is good with the ladies] but somehow Philomena Cunk has accepted my invitation to write a guest post. Here's Cunk on Femdom, part two. Which logically follows from part one.
Episode TWO: Cleopatra's Pyramid Scheme
by Philomena Cunk
"The Greeks invented many things that are still with us, like olives, and many things that have died out, like democracy."
I asked professional dominatrix Cybill Troy for a comment but she referred me to Cleopatra, a professional queen. And no, that does not make her Japanese, despite the fact that in Japanese, slaves refer to their mistress as queen. Dead? Yes. As for the question whether they had pyramids in old Nippon, not a clue. But they do have Tōkyō Dizunīrando. [Editor's note: Not a native English speaker yourself? Here it is in kanji: 東京ディズニーランド. Dutch lives to serve.]
They all agree: Peter Tupper, Anne O Nomis, Leopold von Sacher Masoch, Jo - Pump Up the Jam - Bogaert and that French guy who went insane long ago, marquis de... Silly me to forget his last name. Cleopatra, ruler of ancient Egypt was the first formal dominatrix [1] - Femdom with a capital F some say. Most likely born out of necessity after the Romans ran out of swats of Romania to conquer - my apologies to mistress Roberta and the map makers of the world for the confusion - and set their eyes on the mason quarries of ancient Egypt. First queen Bee, I mean C seduced Caesar - some say controlled him. After his death, she sided with Mark Anthony. It's not just that all good things come to an end. Even murderous women are destined to meet their fate. Not that it mattered much back then. Everybody was backstabbing everybody. So bad in fact, one wonders what's the point. When the ruler of Rome for the next six months or so, a guy named Octavian - he turned out to rule from from 27 BC until his death in AD 14 - planned to bring her to his Roman triumphal procession, she neither killed herself by poison nor was she bitten by a snake. Queen Cleopatra impaled herself on the tallest pyramid she could find. Of which there are lots.
Brief interruption: the BBC would like to announce it apologizes for what Mrs. Cunk stated on her previous program: Cunk on Earth. Pyramids are not basically giant waterslides. Post-Cleopatra they're best know as the Rivers of blood, stretching all the way to Babylon and beyond. The latter mostly because her two daughters Maja and Inca fled to hereto unknown places much, much further away.
You're watching the BBC. Next up is Top Gear, really ruining the ruins of some ancient South American culture with their macho male monster trucks. Why? Who cares? Also because Gibraltar is ours. Until then it's back to Philomena C on femdom. Fast forward please.
The interesting thing about Cleopatra - there are many - is that she originally wasn't from Egypt. Neither am I. [Editor's note: I = Mrs. Cunk.] Some of Cleo's offspring left Egypt in a hurry after the queen's self-impaled death. It took them a long time, but almost 2.000 years later, they were firmly rooted in what is now modern-day Germany. One of those brave girls, she goes by the name of Catherina the Great, took an 18th century slow plane to Russia, most likely a horse and carriage. Like Pebbles before her, she started to have an ill-advised underage relationship with this guy named Peter. They were both young and foolish. Or at least he was a fool. This is the history of femdom, remember?
As soon as little Pete was crowned emperor of Russia, his better half took control. Six months later he died. At the time there were various, uncorroborated reports of people ill-dressed for the Russian cold, loading large masonry blocks onto ships, back to Egypt. Was Peter impaled on the same pyramid, Cleopatra sacrificed her life on? We'll never know. But one thing we do have learned is why I, Cunk, was referred to Cleopatra by Cybill Troy. You know who Cleo's dad was? Πτολεμαῖος Νέος Διόνυσος Φιλοπάτωρ Φιλάδελφος. Just saying. By the way, if you have the chance, peek into Mrs. Troy's basement. Wouldn't be surprised if she hides a large swat of Cleopatra's pyramid down there. The original one. Just be careful.
Fast forward to the rest of Cleopatra's legacy. Oops. Ain't got no time for that. Whatever did or did not happen between then and now, nobody cares because history is boring. And our magically time machine [yummy] lands us back right where we started. Just look at today's lovely image courtesy of nurse Gypsy where she and her friends having a good time. 2.000 Years of femdom uninterrupted, who would've guessed?
In the
next episode of Cunk on Femdom we're entering the Dark Ages, both historically and when it comes to
femdom.
- Part One - Of Bambams and Beginnings
- Part Two - Cleopatra's Pyramid Scheme
- Part Three - The Dark Ages of Femdom
- Part Four - Scientific Foundations of Femdom
- Part Five - The Internet and Femdom
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Face the music
by Philomena Cunk
You do know that the follow up to Pump up the Jam was Rhythm of the Night. Technotronic also changed their name to Corona. In doing that, they changed history and landed us in this huge mess called corona or Covid-19 in English.
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| Corona - Rhythm of the Night [click to listen] |
[1] For obvious reasons - you cannot hit a baby, even if you are an infant yourself - there is no formal record of Pebbles being the first domme in the history of femdom. Officially that title goes to Cleopatra.
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