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| Daniel Craig, Naomie Harris and Lashana Lynch (image: The Guardian) |
Pardon my English, but have you ever wondered if the seventh Bond is also the realest (apologies) 007? Seems to good to be a coincidence.
Kim Philby is perhaps the most revered spy ever. That is, if you consider him a craftsman rather than a traitor. Philby was a British intelligence officer and a double agent for the Soviet Union. Recruited by the Soviets in 1940, he quickly rose through the ranks of MI6. During the Second World War, one of the young blades of British intelligence who rubbed shoulders with Philby was a junior officer in the Naval Intelligence Department, named Ian Fleming. Mr. Fleming would later become famous as the author of James Bond.
According to experts, Bond's hard drinking, woman chasing personality is part-based on Kim Philby. Fact is, that the Cambridge Five spy ring served as an inspiration for Fleming's first 007 novel "Casino Royale." In it, the lethal spy is crossed by a female double agent. Don't worry, he makes it out very much alive. Eleven books and 25 movies can testify to that.
Daniel Craig achieves instant fame in 2005, which is pre Twitter & Facebook by the way, when he signs up to play the next fully licensed British killer agent. The choice for Mr. Craig as Bond #6 causes the internet to explode. Foul play, cry on-line trolls, meaning boys who live in their mother's basement. "Bond ain't no Blonde. A real Bond has dark hair. We cannot stand for that!" Whatever! News flash, a real man crawls out of his Mommy's basement - the world is not enough - gets a job and buys her a nice present. "I thought this day would never come." Don't worry, deciphering that is above your paygrade.
To climb or not to climb, good news for everyone is on its way. Guess some trolls have all the luck. Hold your breath. Hold it, hold it. Hold it. Just a little longer. The next Bond ain't no blonde.
It gets even better. Ian Fleming's original 007 is on active duty during the early years of the Cold War. The sun finally rises [sets], meaning the British Empire is in decline. Former colonies - and not just British ones - regain their long-lost independence. The beginning of a gentle, global re-balancing act looms. Your country, you decide, rather than some buffoon halfway around the world. The days where foreigners force you to work for peanuts - the alternative is staring at the end of a gun - are gone. No more expropriating your motherland's natural resources and buying back the finished goods at stellar mark-ups. Not exactly true because the prime directive for 00-agents will always be to maintain the status quo, regardless of loss of [foreign] life. Playing one bad guy against another is OK if it means delaying the sun going down on the British empire. Back on topic, why is it important again for James Bond to be dark-haired rather than blond? What's the difference?
Long time ago I was living with my girlfriend in a small studio apartment, about the size of three double beds. As we say in Holland "love turns a single bed into a double one", the apartment nonetheless was rather small, meaning there was more give and take than usually in a relationship. The opening tune for the X-files inevitably freaked her out, so I hardly ever watched it. Despite that I do know who special FBI agent Dana Scully is.
A few years ago, Daniel Craig announced he wanted to kiss his licensed gun goodbye. So who's next? Tom Hiddleston, because he plays Loki in one of many Marvel universes? "Bodyguard" Richard Madden perhaps? You know, The Bodyguard, that BBC show in which a traumatized man terrorizes the woman "he loves" into taking him back. Flavor of the month, that's what they are. To me, Tom Hardy (Taboo, Mad Max) seems a better choice.
Actress Gillian Anderson turned FBI officer Dana Scully into a strong TV personality, one that people will remember for the ages. It's part of why decades later people refer to Gillian Anderson as the next Bond. In a tweet Anderson confirms she would love to be the next Jane Bond, but doesn't see it going to happen. Intelligent woman. Male or female, my vote goes to Idris Elba. Yes, despite the last two seasons of Luther, a cop show. His role as Stringer Bell in The Wire is even more intense and a better prequel to Elba playing Bond.
007 Is a father-daughter franchise. Just last year Barbara Broccoli stated that the next James Bond won't be a woman. Smart choice. Just look at how BBC flagship Dr. Who is tanking because they wanted a female timelord. Don't blame the actor, blame the show runners and script writers. So, no surprises when next year M will usher in Bond with the same line as always: "Come in 007." And in walks Lashana Lynch. After all, every Bond gets retired. Either by nature or by force. No worries, a real Bond actor is taking over. On top of that, dark hair. Congratulations basement babies, dreams can come true. For once, don't talk back. And stop whining about proper Scottish accents 'n' stuff. You've got what you wanted. Rejoice, Bond is finally back in black.
Apparently Bond6, AKA Daniel Craig has retired and is being replaced by a female super spy. I hate it even more than I hate the fact that Bond villains are without exception male and dimwits. What's the point of an elaborate torture scene to extract information if the bad guys are so inept at it that 007 escapes again and again before it starts to hurt?. Why do Bond villains care more about insanely complex, unpractical torture scenes than conquering and blowing up the world?
Bond is boring. Torture is not. Remember that CBT thing in the 2006 Casino Royale movie? It's called Dutch scratching and if you don't know what it is, look it up. But why would a man torture another man rather than extract information from his adversary the most efficient way? If only the villain were a woman, I would nod in agreement. And now they've changed the hero into a female. Nothing good can come from that. What's the point of a man torturing a woman for entertainment purposes only? Where's the CBT? Pointless.
Don't worry, I'm still going to see Bond 25. The title - as usual - has the word "die" in it. Not that I care about that. It's because of Miss Moneypenny. Imagine it goes something like this.:
"Angel, come back to bed."
"Working."
"Please?"
"Told you I'm a super spy. Day one. Driving Aston Martini. Remote. Go to sleep and be quiet."
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