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| Nobody questions her motives. |
The "highly tributed lifestyle domme" series was inspired by a single comment to Miss Pearl's article on why she never will go pro. I disagree with Miss Pearl on many issues - good thing there is no right or wrong when it comes to kink - but her overall writing stands out.
Miss Pearl's choice is an honest one, as in something what works for her - and hopefully her prospective sub. Despite all that, I find it hard to understand why people dish pro-dommes. Please don't! Some dommes perhaps consider themselves a cut above the rest, which is just plain silly. In the end it's all about the choices you're presented with - and make.
Overall, I think pro-dommes don't get the respect - or love - they deserve. We all agree outsiders don't get kink. How can they? Fifty Shades serves as an example par excellence. Domme bashing was never my thing. Respect other people's choices is my mantra.
To be honest, I knew from the start, the list with reasons on why it's good to visit a pro-domme was going to round up this series. Before we start: you don't have to like pro-dommes and their job, but to rule it out categorically is just plain stupid. That argument holds especially true in a 20:1 [gold-digger] world where submissive men outnumber dominant women to the degree that it harms us all.
1. Why Not?
You really shouldn't need a reason to visit a pro-domme. If you do, "why not?" is the single best reason - and the only one - you need.On various occasions I wrote about how desirable dommes prefer their slaves to think for themselves. The single most important reason to visit a pro-domme is "why not?" There are many reasons men pay professionally dominant women for their services, but does it matter. A lesser known fact is that the majority of pro-dommes will turn down a prospective client if they believe there is no way to establish any meaningful connection between the two of them. It also shows a paid session is about more than just money.
2.Sexual Identity
If "why not?" doesn't do it for you, think about it like this: Femdom is part of your sexuality. Many will disagree, but for most of us BDSM is part of our sexual identity. Why deny yourself that? A question even more pressing in our 20 to 1 world, where most submissive men find it next to impossible to find a suitable partner who shares their interest in kink. For good measure, that leaves out poly-femdom relationships. Margareth Corvid makes a similar agrument that sex is a basic human need in her Guardian op-ed.3. Self discovery
It may sound posh, but discovering who you are is an essential part of life. Being curious about the things that interest you should be part of your journey through life - and yes that is a privilege. Just remember: looking back it will be regret that haunts us. Discovery makes you tick - kink-wise - goes way beyond an erotic experience. It made me realize I'm made up of many warring fractions. Knowing that, it'll be a life-long puzzle. Despite that, ever since I understood what drives me [kind of], I'm much happier, something that goes way beyond kink.4. Safe
Browse the internet and you'll come across a staggering amount of unsafe kink, most of the time by accident. Apart from the why-not, visiting a pro-domme in general is a safe experience. Part of that has to do with experience, but equally important: they run a business. Miss Pearl's article is accompanied by an illustration that says "how not to get killed by your domme". Happy thoughts, think happy thoughts.5. Experienced
Safe stresses the negative part of kink. Experience on the other hand emphasizes the positive qualities of BDSM. Consider their experience a guiding hand that allows you to discover your likes and limits in a safe environment, without consequences. So what if it not works out? Most pro-dommes have a large network. The best will refer you to someone whose interests are more compatible with yours.6. Professional
Professional dommes have a business to run. Nothing wrong with that, despite what some argue. As mentioned before many pro-dommes are discerning, albeit be it most of the time not for business reasons, but for their love of kink. They're no stranger to the unusual. If you wanna try something different and potentially dangerous, why not visit an experienced domme? Quite a few pro-dommes share their experience by teaching classes and one to one instruction to aspiring femdom couples.7. Strength of Character
This is perhaps my favourite argument: Strength of Character. Today - 2017 - whatever you do, write or say is gonna haunt you forever. Despite that, women who choose a career as a pro-domme, often stand out. There is no Fifty Shades of Acceptance from the general audience. There never will be either. All it did was make E.L. Gray a rich woman. On top of that it served as inspiration for many ill-advised episodes of TV shows that continue to portray kink enthusiasts as freaks. It's why I coined the hashtag #NeverNormal. Unfortunately. So if you are looking for bold, impressive, daring and strong women, there are worse choices than visiting a pro-domme.8. Honesty
The 20:1 domme deficit makes too many women dishonest. This series of blog posts was inspired by one such example. Don't believe me? Browse Fetlife, especially the group "dominant women and the men who love them." At times it's awful.9. Value for money
I beg your pardon? Yes, that's what is says: value for money. The domme deficit - some call it sub surplus - is the single worst thing that ever happened to femdom. It makes slaves desperately dishonest and dominant women often equally so. From what I read New York city has a shortage of single men. The drought is so severe that these guys get away with lines such as "I didn't know we were dating exclusively." Everybody agrees that is bullocks. Unfortunately for the women, it is their desperation that allows these guys to get away with it. Now substitute guy and girls for mistress and slaves. Told you so. We all have come across lines such as: "Send ME money - complete stranger - as a token of your sincere desire to serve ME." It is often preferable to know upfront how much you have to pay over being milked for money time and again. It is more honest than "a riel slaves serves with his wallet" or whatever. And yes, I know what you're gonna say: not every domme treats her slave[s] like that. Thank goodness for that. I agree, but many do. For one reason: "yes, we can."10. Boys and Their Toys
Good thing it's not just men. When it comes to kink there are quite a few dommes who consider themselves gearheads. Setting up a dungeon loaded with more toys than you can imagine is expensive. Professional dommes invest in them, why not give it a try if you have a specific interest.11. Why Not?
Yep, once again! You really shouldn't need a reason to visit a pro-domme. If you do, "why not?" is the single best reason - and the only one - you need. You might be in for the surprise of a lifetime.Note
Many women and lifestyle dommes posses the same qualities. Of course they do. But I believe that when it comes to femdom, the great majority of pro-dommes posses these qualities. Some people simply ignore that fact, others feel threatened by it. Too often pro-dommes are ridiculed and disrespected, which is kind of absurd since at the same time they are the face of BDSM and femdom in the media. Without them, acceptance of kink would be much less.
There are fewer than 11 people in the world that know who vanilla Dutch is. That ain't gonna change. So I don't write this for freebies or whatever. It's how I feel. Don't judge!
Tell me what is worse. A man who doesn’t stand up for the ones he loves or a dominant woman whose desperate desires makes her say nasty things about other [dominant] woman. Enter the “highly tributed lifestyle domme”. One more reason why the future of femdom is bleak.
Last year I read Miss Pearl’s 2013 blog post on why she makes a big deal about not being a pro femdomme. Other than being baffled why people believe pro-dommes and lifestyle are “similar", I don't like the article for two reasons. First the author consistently compares pro-dommes to something “inferior.” Secondly – and this is what really rattled my cage – one of the commenters explains how she felt more in touch with her inner “Dominant Woman” by moving on from being a pro-domme to a "highly tributed life style domme." Whatever. But why bashing pro-dommes?
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Highly Tributed Lifestyle Domme Part I: Don't Judge |
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Highly Tributed Lifestyle Domme Part II: Women of the Real World |
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Highly Tributed Lifestyle Domme Part III: Disagree with Miss P |
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Highly Tributed Lifestyle Domme Part IV: What was my Personal Legend again? |
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Highly Tributed Lifestyle Domme Part V: 11 Reasons to Visit a Pro-Domme |
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