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| Beautiful, isn't it? |
Part of why I’m interested in bondage is that it requires me to surrender unconditionally, deeply and completely – for real. Writing how I enjoy giving up control was perhaps a bit overzealous. Yet it is part of me, not that I always appreciate it. Bondage means accepting someone else is in charge. If you change your mind: too bad. Some crave giving up control. For me it is hard. Once the storm inside my mind slows down - mainly because I have to adjust to the new reality - I cave in. After that I find myself in a different place. Weird but somehow OK. Balanced but not necessarily pleasant, still it is somewhere I have to go every once in a while. Together when I’m lucky. The sensations range from zen-like calm like to complete sensory overload. Fun, happiness, peace of mind and acceptance are just four words that come to mind. Never all of them at the same time of course.
Just Say Yes
Kink has its own rule book, or rather a 247 volume encyclopaedia. Under the entry toys it says: No. Not now. Not ever. You shall not enjoy toys. For they lead you astray from the “wan twue” path of kink. For once my inner child and inner rebel agree. I love toys! But don’t worry, they make mistress happy as wel. Some are just innocent fun while others serve a higher purpose. Before you pass judgement, please remember I suffer with my body but I serve with my heart. Either way, I’m hers.Bondage is about giving up control for real, even if it is only temporarily. Nothing left to fake and nowhere to hide. It restricts your physical movements. Once you have surrendered there is nothing you can do. Physically and mentally pain, suffering, humiliation and obedience go beyond being tied up.
There is a third category of things that go deeper. Ropes and cuffs at best scratch the surface. Gags and plugs are unique in the a way they break through both a physical and mental barrier. The woman controls the mind, the mistress owns the body. That is until one day one day you discover there is a next level where control and ownership of your core bodily functions is taken away from you.
Bump into a door and you find yourself rewarded with a bruise for being clumsy. So what? Anyone ever really cared about the outside? Bondage never goes beyond the surface. Rope demands your attention, while cuffs gently caress your skin as if they want to sooth and calm you in preparation for what is to come. Despite all of that you are always in full physical control of your bodily functions.
But what if you no longer can draw comfort from that? Gags and plugs strip away the final frontier of inner autonomy. Invade, surrender or whatever you call it, these props were part designed to emphasize there is a level of control that goes beyond. Props, they may be, but at the end of the day, it is all in the mind. Which is good.
Other than being fancy play things [me, me mistress. Please. Pretty please] the orificial twins eliminate a slave’s autonomy on a deeper level. Even if initially it feels like an erotic experience, despite that, their message is that mistress owns you, deeply and intensely. All of a sudden not being whole, makes you feel powerless on a rudimentary level, a puppet in the hands of a superior force that breaches some of your most sacred barriers.
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| A kiss is never "just" a kiss. |
King of her castle
Toys are designed to create specific sensations. The idea there is an alien object inserted into your body, without your consent or anything you can do about, makes for an intense experience. If you think of your body as your fortress, the “enemy” has clearly broken though. Not an apt metaphore, but if you think about the old days, where the enemy stormed your castle, the walls of which you once believed to be impenetrable, now that is a different story altogether.Femdom doesn’t always have to be about pain. A gentle reminder at regular intervals you are not in control – inside and out - reveals something much more intimidating. Pain is all around and you usually are in full control of your core bodily functions when it happens. Without the distraction of pain, the experience forces the mind towards the mental part of it.
Ropes and cuffs signal you are no longer in charge. You comfort yourself by saying it is still your body. Objects that penetrate it, shatter that illusion. Your submission now is about something deeper and more intense. You’ve reached the point where you can no longer deny, somebody else is in complete control of you. That very idea – puppet on a string - helps to transforms toys from a physical experience into something that invade the mind by breaking to the body outer defence layers.
Gags
The wonderfully wicked Amanda Wildfyre put it like this:"I can’t tolerate being interrupted (that’s what gags are for)."
A gag prevents you from talking, it’s why they were invented in the first place. Those screams of terror get boring after a while. For me and my big mouth initially the most annoying thing is not being able to talk back. After a few minutes you find it difficult to swallow. Saliva drips from from your mouth, an onimous sign of just how deep your loss of control runs. All because mistress decided a gag was in order.
When you give up control, you best surrender to someone who loves to be in charge, especially when the one they really want to control, is you. Being restrained by someone looking forward to having absolute power over you, is intoxicating yet scary. The idea of ending up in the power of a sensual sadist who revels in your struggles, pain and agony can be mesmerizing. Unfortunately, I still don't like pain, but isn't that what gags are for?
A gag doesn't have to be big to demand constant attention. Even though you understand why it is there and accept the "benefits", it is not you who put it there. On the one hand in induces a certain state of mind, while simultaneously it serves as a non-stop reminderyou’re out of luck. It allow you to “enjoy” part of the surrender, but still your are unable to completely give into it. An annoying reminder you are no longer in charge and mistress decides how much headroom you are allowed.
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| Shivering with anticipation, yet completely powerless. |
Plugs
Basically gags and plugs accomplish the same thing. Just don’t switch the two of them, health issues and so on. Where gags are highly visible and therefore have limited use, plugs are mostly invisible. Just like gags, they serve as a constant reminder of who decides. Once again bigger isn’t necessarily better. It’s all about that “hello sweetie” thing, every little step you take. Of course your body tries to regain full autonomy, unfortunately the perv who created them, anticipated just that. Perhaps more than oral intruders, plugs are strongly associated with sexuality, but they do not have to be. Their constant presence – which can range anywhere from mild to severe – conveys the same message. No matter how much you like the fantasy, reality can be quite exhausting and a lot less fun than you were hoping for. All wisdom comes from suffering. Femdom at its most basic, you want it, you get it, you don’t like it, still you come back for more. The s second time around is not because of more toy joy. Then again, it was never about that in the first place.Notes
- But not chastity? No. Despite it all, chastity enhances sexuality and desire, rather than curb and control it.
- On blindfolds: The spoken word is only five percent of communication. I prefer mistress to be real, restricting the visual element reduces her to a mere prop. On top of that, my happinesss as a slave require me to see her joy - evil, sadistic or otherwise. Why sever the connection between two people that are uniquely able to connect on the dark side as well?
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