Events so improbable somebody forgot their cake and left it out in the rain...
Yesterday on the OWK: Das Omen -Eleven Schools of Magic
PRESS RELEASE: Per April 01, 11:11 qPMT Other World Kingdom s.r.o. - the recognized leader in fantasy worlds where [selected] [3] women rule over men - will take over the micro-nation of Hogwarts Castle.
"This acquisition is a remarkable milestone in the history of our company", says Aleš Sadil from The Other World Kingdom in Zlín "Rather than hostile take-over the new - and impoverished - management prefers the term synergistic dualism when it comes to combining the best that both worlds have to offer."
Miss Jackson who currently serves as Hogwarts' head mistress managed to retreat to the safety of Diagon Alley only just in time. From there Janet Jackson sent us this communique:
"Nasty. In a bizarre twist of fate somehow the group muggle males currently running the smouldering ashes of what once was the OWK, have temporarily wrested control of Hogwarts Castle. Aided by several white-shoe law firms (what else did you expect?) they staged their coup, based on some technicality."
"'Hogwarts prides itself on honour, diversity and ancient traditions. As such our values and those of the Other World Kingdom will never see eye to eye. [1] This is a hostile take-over. [6] It won't work. Clearly somebody forgot to remember the Hogwarts motto. "Draco dormiens nunquam titillandus", Latin for "Never tickle a sleeping dragon."
Responding to Headmistress Jackson's comments, in a fake news counter press release [huh], the OWK continues to ramble, only more incoherently.
"The great thing about the Harry Potter novels is that they are about a world in which all wizards are equal, but also some more than others. Not everybody is welcomed with open arms at Hogwarts. What's not to love? Muggles will always be Muggles. And let's be honest witches and wizards who are half-Muggle, should one welcome them to a revered institution such as Hogwarts? I think not. As for so-called wizards and witches that have two Muggle-parent, come on be serious! "
"After reading the Potter books I felt right at home. Some are more equal than others. Lovely, isn't it, all wizards are superior to non-magicans, but there's also a ranking within the wizard community. No, it's not a meritocracy but something that, rather oddly - which I love - is based on what your parents look like."
Hear, hear, the OWK showing it's true colours at last [2]. Let's hope Ukraine - I mean Hogwarts - will soon be free again. And no Ukrainian slaves, don't rush over to liberate Hogwarts. Your fight is much more urgent than ours. Besides, we let you down, not the other way around. Still feel bad about that.
PS
Better hurry and sign up for the grand reopening. The first
1111 visitors get a free vial of unicorn pills. Winter coats are extra. We all
know Scotland in winter is just as cold as Central Europe. It's all about
location, location, location. Rimini anyone?
ALL ABOUT THE OWK |
Post written while listening to:
Today's music selection is just as much a plot twist as the OWK assuming control of Hogwarts Castle.
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Donna Summer -McArthur Park live at the Night of the Proms 2013 |
If you look up MacArthur Park, you'll discover it was originally sung by Richard Harris, who later rose to fame as an actor on a movie franchise about some British boy wizard. Don't you just love it when a plan comes together?
Anyway, Donna Summer died in 2012. The singer is best remembered as the queen of disco. Despite her fame, she was deprived of showing the world what her talent and voice was truly capable of. And in case you're listening to the song on Youtube as you read this, just remember this was long before the invention of auto tune. It's a computer device that can stretch any recorded voice to sound like an angel. If only they invented something to make me dance like that. Mrs Summer is old school, as in someone who elevates singing to the art it is. My kingdom for a mistress who sings like that. Oops, given today's breaking bad news, perhaps not such a smart comment.
The video is from a 2005 Night of the Proms concert. Remember what I wrote about sexy voice fetishes? Donna Summer's voice has gotten a bit rawer over the years and it's all the more beautiful for it. What's 25 years if you have a voice like hers? Just listen to what comes after "that recipe again"
See you next week at the local dungeon party? And don't forget to bring your CD [what's that?] of Enigma.[4]
Notes
[1] And no, despite what Hogwarts latest chronicler, J. K. Rowling pretends, Hogwarts is both colour and gender blind. Hard to believe if you read her reports, I know. Rowling's books are only part of the story of how good triumphs over evil. Agreed, Rowling as current chronicler is not the Sorting Hat's proudest moment. Some you win, some you loose.
[2] True colours? It's all rather bland if you ask me.
[3] If women rule over men, let's say in some sort of ultra-matriarchy, why do you need a selection process?
[4] I promise not to write MCMXC more posts about the OWK. In fact I'm almost done with them. And so should you.
[6] Usually people don't believe it when you say your hands are tied. Lucky me, sort of, cause it's true. I know I'm not the only one who saw this coming but unlike certain other bloggers I did the best I could. How many more blog entries should I've written for the world to realize what was about to happen?
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Free Ikea! (More on that later) |
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