OWK VII: On Becoming a Womanian

The rot runs much deeper than just some ridiculous name

Why not apply to serve a real woman like this elegant lady instead?

Continued from: OWK VI - Letter to queen Patricia.

Yes, I drank a lot on New Years Eve, but only the good stuff that gives you headaches for days. Or perhaps I drank too much. One of the weirder side effects of alcohol is that I can see clearly what it is that I desire most. I wanna be a Womanian. 

'I was so looking forward to the invasive and painful medical procedures. Stones, not even sticks? What can I say? Very disappointed.'
    - anonymous male applicant

First thought of being a Spice Girl, but that's so 1990s. In case you don't know, there once was an adult theme park called the OWK. It was run on the cheap, most men who worked there couldn't afford clothes, let alone orgasms. Huh no orgasms? Yes, no orgasms, because sex requires energy, which requires food, which they hadn't. That's how poor the place was. Sadly, without sex, the place soon became extinct and a couple of shrewd business people took over.

Pretending the boss lady is still in charge, they branched out. First there was the OWK, then came Femdomia Empire and finally Womania. It now is an ultra matriarchal micro nation that feeds of its glorious past, pretending nothing has changed. But it has.

If the OWK is still run by a woman, where are all the elegant masks women are so fond of? Instead the website is plastered with pink female symbols, only a guy like me can come up with as the ultimate expression of female superiority. No baby blue, no happy yellow polka dots, just pink. Implausible. 

Added a pink border for extra visibility. Feel free to copy my idea OWK.

Despite the queen owning a castle, nobody is allowed to enter, not that it stops Womania begging you for cash. If he exists slave Vesa69 from Finland is one of those who support moving the OWK. In exchange for his pecunia, he got this image in return, soiled with the usual less than elegant logo's and texts. Ever heard of the internet Mr. Vesa? It's a recent invention where you can look up causes you can donate to. [And see the pic they just sent you without the decorations so to speak.] Now that you've seen it plus a couple more I take it, you're free to donate your surplus cash to whatever charity is closest to your heart. If you, like me, believe all slavery should be voluntary and fun, how about Girls Not Brides? [2]

Meanwhile lecturing others is no cure for my hangover. I still want to be a Womanian, whatever that is. As it turns out, they are citizens of the OWK, it's just that becoming one is complicated. Ever heard of Womanian Stones? Neither have I, despite having read all the Harry Potter Books, including the one about that philosophy thingy. But if you have one you can apply to become either a citizen, a member or a slave. Now I'm confused and it's not my hangover. Aren't all Womanians women and what slave has his own money? I don't care how much it costs nor does a long, unnecessary and painful operation by a female doctor scare me - au contraire. I live for da cause. Guess I got a little carried away and started fantasizing about having the procedure done by nurse Gypsy and associates whom I wrote about last year. But with the OWK only pretending to serve all women - non-blondes etc. are probably refused entry - it's time to snap out if it. Anyway, I have no philosopher stones and am almost out of cash - I spent it all on booze during New Year's Eve. All that's left is a handful of coins, so I'm off to the pharmacy to buy some aspirin.

The chilly fresh air finally cures me of my desire to be a Womanian. It's not booze but attractive, sadistic female doctors that almost made me do foolish things like becoming a Womanian.

Just between you and me, as a New Year's resolution, how about stop glorifying the OWK? It didn't deserve it then and it certainly doesn't deserve it now. Don't give 'm the attention, they are not worth it. That time and energy is better spent on wondering how to #BringBackOurGirls. [1] Stop scratching your head. No, 112 of them are still not home, almost eight years later. Happy New Year? 

NB, the story continues in: OWK VIII - Sublime Ladies are the 'Product'.

I prefer her elegant home over the smoldering ashes of the OWK any day.

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[1] In 2014, 276 mostly Christian female students aged from 16 to 18 were kidnapped by the Islamic terrorist group Boko Haram in Nigeria. The girls kidnapped in Chibok in 2014 are only a small percentage of the total number of people abducted by Boko Haram. Amnesty International estimated in 2015 that at least 2,000 women and girls had been abducted by the Islamic terrorist group since 2014, many of whom had been forced into sexual slavery.

[2] Girls Not Brides was co-founded by Archbishop Desmond Tutu.