Chillax Baby Slave

Slave Baby anyone?

In the end, what man can continue to serve a woman he doesn't love?

Life is full of nostalgia. Oops wrong image.

A couple of British pounds and an old Oyster card [OV chipkaart] are lingering in my desk drawer for years now. So I give 'm to a friend, planning a trip to London to watch football in a couple of weeks. Makes sense, doesn't it? Also brings back memories. It happens. Whatever, there is a time and place for everything, including emotions and nostalgia. Shelve 'm. Definitely not now. I'm so cool.

Next day I click on one of Ritholtz's Reads. "100 Tips for a Better Life" is written by Ideopunk, such a lovely name. And yes I'm a sucker for lame listicles. Mostly to disagree with 'm. Take 76: "After a breakup, cease all contact as soon as practical. The potential for drama is endless, and the potential for a good friendship is negligible."

Probably told you before but I'm on good terms with most of my exes. And yes over the years you tend to loose sight of each other. Still, why not? You like her. It doesn't work out. You still like her. Want her to be happy. Life's full of bumps in the road.

Once I helped move an old girlfriend. Jaws dropped [uncontrollably] when I showed up. Priceless. There also was this time where my ex asked me to take care of her stalker ex-boyfriend, someone she met after we broke up. For some reason the guy had a hard time accepting no means no. We've all been there. We also struggled with it alone. All you can hope for is to be spared those dreaded - evil - words. "If you really love me..." Don't. Just don't.

Ex is a superb chef so I hop over for dinner one evening, around the time her more recent ex usually 'is in the neighborhood.' Randomly but also daily.

'Really?'
"OK."
"Come on up then."

Guess who opens the door? If you are not savvy or have limited relationship experience, a hint. It's not the pretty girl.

"You're back with him?" [NO!] or something similar, he screams at the top of his voice, fuming from [almost] every orifice. [3] He even steps into the door. I'm not tall neither have I studied karate extensively but I do know crazy. Calm down, it's a joke. Zero violence is involved. [5] All that matters is that he never returned. [7] Don't laugh, this is not a fun story. No means no. Always and forever. Everybody has the right to feel safe, especially in the comfort of their own home. Your home is where you can be you without interference. True story that is zero funny, mostly because of when she moved my supply of Italian tomatoes dried up. [1] [4] [13]

The list for 'a better life' also includes relationship advice that does hit the spot.

"Long-term relationships are mostly spent just chilling." [73]

Apart from a few details here and there it's not bad advice. After the age of six kids basically take care of themselves. Just stock up the fridge 11 times a day. It hits on the essence of what relationships are: being together. We all have memories - mostly confusing ones - of rushing home after a long separation. Time without her was too long.Finally, there she is. Waving at you. First thing you hear is "don't squeeze me so hard baby." Once the reunion is over, it's back to normal. Now that you think of it, you wonder about all that over-excitement. Don't worry, turn it around and you'll be scratching your heart forever.

"In relationships look for somebody you can enjoy just hanging out near."

Perhaps the best definition of intimacy ever. What defines the relationship? Is it mistress and slave or woman and man? Let's assume it's the former and the two of you - you crazy kids! - decide to have kids. Sooner, not later, the day comes where slave disagrees with his mistress, something about the kids. And again and again. Mistress is always right but you're both parents now. [8]

I've written before how the mistress-slave dynamic shouldn't define the relationship. Imagine a slave afraid of his mistress and love [yes other way round]. Tell me, why shouldn't he run, looking for a woman that loves to dominate him but loves him more? Period.

Over the years I've become much better at walking the fine line between keeping my mouth shut and telling the truth. My version of it, at least. Rapid improvements despite the many, many daily mistakes. In case of doubt, the one I'm talking to is not my omnipotent mistress but my one and true [one] love. To be with the one you love, whether she's just your Love or your Love and Mistress [sic], has to come naturally, just like speaking to her without fear. Of course that includes you love, respect and care for her - meaning you choose your words carefully. But if you do, you'll both win. Remember how 1+1 = 2. And you were thinking 11? Love has many faces.

There's a reason I get turned on by women in hot leather outfits. Because it's hot. Truth. Sorry didn't mean to say that out loud. More than anything I love it when you look from a distance and see the skies lighting up, illuminated by the connection between two people. Hallmark defines it as romance but what do they know?. Don't trust them. [6] To non-vanilla's like you and me there's so much more. A slave who surrenders to his mistress, big eyes, even bigger grin despite the hardship that awaits him. Or his mistress gently guiding his head towards her lap, encouraging him to take that much needed time out in the safest place he can imagine. Sweet dreams baby slave. Chill. Save your strength, you're gonna need it.

"Sorry Sir, your Oyster card cannot possible take you to Love Town."
"Apologies."
"My bad Ma'am."
"Have a good day."
"You too Sir."
"Hope you find what you're looking for."
[Don't we all?]

Anyway, it's up to you to read this. If you don't like it, tell me.

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With Doctor Who on happy hiatus I turn elsewhere for my scifix. 'For all mankind' is an alternative history depicting "'what would have happened if the global space race had never ended' after the Soviet Union succeeds in the first crewed Moon landing ahead of the United States." Episode one features a classic 1960's song by Jimmy Ruffin. It made me think back to the first Top Gun movie where they sang 'You've lost that loving feeling.'

Of course the Apollo astronauts burst out singing 'What becomes of the broken hearted' drunk and sad the Soviets have beaten the USA twice. First manned space flight and first human on the moon. How's that for an opening? Classic Motown never fails to deliver.

My kingdom for a job as musical director in a TV show. Think I would a decent job. Anyone? No takers? I'll throw in the OWK for free. You can make lots of money now that they've decided O-Inc. no longer needs a castle upgrade in some warmer place. Who could've guessed?

Booker Newberry III - Love Town [1983] [click to listen]

So here's today's track: Booker Newberry III - Love town. What becomes of the brokenhearted? Nobody cares. It's better to have loved and [...] than...

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"Will someone please think of the children."

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[1] Dutch tomatoes are so horrible the Germans call them water bombs.

[2] In all fairness we both knew it wouldn't work out at some point. Better be honest. There's no need for anger. You wish your friends a long and happy life, so why wouldn't you want the same thing for your ex?

[3] So what? Her life, her choices.

[4] Of course some relationships resemble traffic lights but most of us know the difference between that and a dead end street. Act accordingly.

[5] No scene, certain scenarios leave bad memories, which is to be avoided at all costs.

[6] Hallmark cuts down trees for postcard pulp, in order to make money.

[7] He never returned because he finally understood the relationship was over.

[8] Imagine your Love & mistress - and co-parent - getting furious at you for you not caring more about the kids than you care about mistress.  It's a mixed-up world, isn't it?

[13] When it comes to relationships and breaking up, honesty is a two-way street. Remember that.

[73] In relationships look for somebody you can enjoy just hanging out near. Long-term relationships are mostly spent just chilling.