Food Dominatrix

Crème brûlée will never be the same again.

Is there a difference between torturing lost souls and inflicting pain on the fruits of nature? Not if you are a fooddomme who also loves femdom.

She looks so mean. Almost as if she cares and tries to warn millenials about the dangers of advocados.

Domme by day, foodie by night and finally coming out on Comedy Central. Where else? D'oh! If you enjoy torturing men, why not extend the fun to the kitchen and make your vegetables suffer before you boil them alive. Unless you prefer to stir-fry them of course that is. Don't worry, vegetables don't have legs - and if they did - your inner sadist would have chopped their limpings off long before you sentenced the tiny little helpless vegetarians to such an excruciating death. By the way, don't forget the hot sauce, it adds that little extra bit of umpf.

Yes we get it Comedy Central. Millennials starts with an "M". That double L later on means nothing. MM in Roman numericals equals 2.000. Because of that all of your mini mocks are under two minutes. Who would've guessed? All of us.

Tools of the trade. Hard to tell the difference.

Her name is Eden, and no she isn't a garden, she is a food dominatrix. Mistress Eden relishes the power relationship she has with her food when she humiliates it. Before she was in a non-consensual dietary relationship with animals. It's not all that black and white. When it comes to fruits and vegetables it's kind of a grey area.

Apart from her skills in applying pain to all that Mother Nature has to offer, Eden excels in quotability, meaning it's time to hear what se has to offer when it comes to pairing pain and pears.

”Don’t play with your food is good advice. So I don’t play with my food. I dominate it.”

“Just like with regular BDSM, the toughest ones to torture are the most exhilarating. You really start appreciating a pineapple versus a tomato.”

“I’m not just nourishing my body, I’m nourishing my soul. And if people like jerking off to it, that’s their business.”

No idea who mistress Eden is, but this mockumentary is brilliant. For once - and only once - I have flashes of why the whole Fifty Shades Thing at times is utterly brilliant. Want more? Watch the full 120 seconds of furious food femdom slashing here. U r are a millenial, busy on your way up? Below are the highlights, slashed and served in 11 easily digestable print screens. What is this world coming to?

Where did you get the pair of them? Ikea?

Pizza will never be the same again.

This is where it gets a little scary.

Bananas and nipple clamps, a classic combination (for some).

Be grateful it's a pin wheel rather than a knife.

Torturing redishes, perhaps the scariest image of them all.

Myth busters, femdom food torture edition. (What am I saying?)

Pay attention class! Do you understand now why the french word for bread is pain?
On top of that pain is a masculine noun (le pain).

It's not that they're going anywhere.

Banana in bondage, hard on the outside, soft on the inside. unlike chef sadist

The terribly tormented tomato.

This one's too obvious.

PS: Experiencing deja vu? You're right. You've seen this all before. In 2015 I wrote about Forbidden Fruits and Nipple Clamps. Three years on I am still wondering why do bananas always suffer the most? So not fair.

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Afterburner:

• As for the leftovers? Even Pay Piggie has to eat or his money goes to his offspring. Just make sure you charge him extra because those delicious scrapings represent the noble ones forced to sacrifice their life for mistress to express her inner domme artist. Be grateful!