Sunday, February 11, 2018

Porn on TV and the Rejection of Kink

When it comes to humiliation and pain for pleasure, some things are just to hard to understand for outsiders. Porn may offer a clue as to why kink on TV doesn't lead to more acceptance.

That'll be the day.

When it comes to lust, I hardly ever fail, but love? Well, that's a tale of two cities, sort of. I'll forever take pride in my long list of brilliant plans, even if most of them failed spectacularly. Get me drunk and you'll be in for a couple of great stories. Obviously there was a plan behind writing my series on kink and visual media, but its finale failed. The Atlantic pulled the plug on its comment section a few days ago. Geeky as I am, I often create pdf's of pages that I write about, but not this time.

Don't worry, I take more pride in the design of my brilliant plans than their execution. Besides, because of its sheer volume, the net result of all these plans, failed or otherwise is very positive.

On numerous occasions I have written why I don't tell the people I love, I'm into kink. It's so simple, they cannot understand it makes me happy and I don't want them to worry about me. It's like forcing them to solve a puzzle that can never be completed.


Teenagers and BDSM

Yesterday, The New York Times ran an article on "What Teenagers Are Learning From Online Porn." No matter your generation, I urge you to read it.

Born around the time the first man landed on the moon, reading it, what stood out for me, was the endless barrage of porn, people are confronted with online these days. I had a flashback, thinking how different it was before the rise of the internet. The effect, as The New York Times writes, is that young people today are just as confused about sex as I was when I was a teenager, but with one difference. Back then, we didn't know much about sex and to some degree our first sexual experiences were shared adventures between boy and girl. Today, by the time teenagers become sexually active, their head is already filled will all kinds of ideas about sex, most of them not very positive. Due to the nature of this blog, I'll focus on the BDSM part in the next few quotes.

"From porn, he learned that guys need to be buff and dominant in bed, doing things like flipping girls over on their stomach during sex. Girls moan a lot and are turned on by pretty much everything a confident guy does."

"One particular porn scene stuck with him: A woman was bored by a man who approached sex gently but became ecstatic with a far more aggressive guy."

Never thought I would say this, but who needs Fifty Shades when this is what online porn teaches little children and teenagers?

"And the one Drew mentioned of the “pain room” in “Fifty Shades of Grey” with a caption by a girl: “This is awesome!”"

"“The guys are built and dominant and have a big penis, and they last a long time.”"

"Almost one-third of both sexes saw B.D.S.M. (bondage, domination, sadism, masochism)"

(That is one-third of teenagers age 14 - 18) For most kids kink porn must be almost impossible to process. One also wonders how it affect their sexuality as adults.

"I spoke to dozens of older teenagers ..., many said that both porn and mainstream media — everything from the TV show “Family Guy” (which references choking and anal sex) to Nicki Minaj’s song “Truffle Butter” (with an apparent allusion to anal sex followed by vaginal sex) to the lyrics in Rihanna’s “S&M” (“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but chains and whips excite me”) — made anal and rough sex seem almost commonplace."


"Drew told me he got the sense that girls wanted to be dominated not only from reading a few pages of “Fifty Shades of Grey” but also from watching the movie “Mr. & Mrs. Smith,” with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. “She’s on the table, and she’s getting pounded by him. That’s all I’ve seen growing up.”"

The article shows today's teenagers struggling with sex, wondering how to separate fact from fantasy. These boys and girls understand porn doesn't equal real world sex, but that doesn't mean there is no conditioning going on. The weirder the sexual act, the better it seems. Today's porn doesn't care about women's pleasure. Porn propagates the idea that sex is all about male desire, the more aggressive the better. Yes of course, sometimes sex is just two hot bodies, connecting through lust. What you never see in porn is where sex meets love and the afterglow being just as rewarding as one [or two] orgasms.

Online porn has infiltrated our notion of sexuality to an unprecedented level. One of the comments notes how all the images in the article solely depict women. Perhaps that's a hint as to how prejudiced we have become as a society.

Even though it is an incredibly difficult article to write - also with an American audience in mind - in its introduction the author wonders, can teenagers be taught to look at porn more critically? Why stop at teenagers? Are their views so radically different from ours?


College kids and kink

In January Babe magazine published an article detailing a date an unknown woman had with comedian Aziz Ansari. According to her "it turned into the worst night of my life." The media and many readers struggled to get to the core of her accusations. The Atlantic called it a "Rorschach test."

Several of the thousands of comments dealt with communication. One that struck me in particular, was the story of a college professor discussing sexuality in class. Her students were warned, they were going to see a BDSM video, involving a male dom and a female sub. Class was also told everything that happened was consensual and that the actors enjoyed it. After a few minutes, students demanded the professor stop the tape. Several claimed the video amounted to rape and had nothing to do with consensual sex between adults. Despite every precaution, the professor almost lost her job over it.

With The Atlantic removing its comment section just days before me writing this article, I can no longer link to the original comment. I searched for the source, but anything with BDSM in its title, almost inevitably leads you to porn sites. Talk about the ubiquity of online porn. Unlike The Atlantic however, I enjoy your comments, so if you have a link to the original story in a newspaper or elsewhere, please leave a comment.

What makes this story relevant is how it highlights our inability to understand, for some of us pain and humiliation is something we enjoy - and crave. To be honest, if I wasn't into kink, I'm not sure I'd want to see it either. It is also the reason why more kink on TV won't lead to more acceptance. Some things are just too hard to understand.

Online porn for the most part is not very healthy. I've argued before how the various Kink.com labels such as Divine Bitches and Men in Pain deserve praise for their before and after segments, included in their videos. Like most, initially I didn't see the point - boooring - but over time I realized just how important it is to show, everything happening during the shoot is both voluntarily and pleasurable for mistress and slave. More BDSM producers should take a hint, along with longer movies that focus on the interaction between two people, rather than six minute fetish fodder.

Interview segments before and after won't change anything when it comes to acceptance, but making people see the voluntary nature of honest kink is a huge win for all generations.

No comments :

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...