Memoires of a Heroin-Addicted Dominatrix

When a newspaper article puts the emphasis on a woman's years working as a dominatrix instead of the woman she has become.

If that headline isn't click-bait, I don't know what is. Today British newspaper The Guardian has an article on Melissa Febos, an academic who worked as a professional dominatrix when she was in college. She also struggled with heroin addiction during those years. My initial reaction was: "here we go again."

At 21, Mrs. Febos answered an ad: “Attractive young woman wanted for nurse role-play and domination. No experience necessary. Good $$. No sex.” Three years earlier she developed a heroin addiction that proved hard to quit. During her years as a dominatrix, she continued to use. Only when she reached the end of the line a few years later and couldn't take no more, she was able to get clean. It took her a few more years to stop working as a professional dominatrix.

I haven't read her book, but I do think it is amazing to turn your life around and kick your addiction. Reading it, I felt uneasy about the undue emphasis the writer of The Guardian article placed on her time in the dungeon, so I looked up Mrs. Febos on Amazon. It turns out "Abandon me" is her second book. Her first book, that came out in 2011, is called "Whip Smart" and discusses her years as a professional dominatrix. One comment wraps it up as: "expertly captures grace within depravity."

From what I understand Mrs. Febos is a gifted author. That makes it all the more regrettable the emphasis being placed on her years as a professional dominatrix. Not only does she deserve better, the BDSM community at large - and especially professional dominatrices for whom BDSM is not a mere temp job but a calling - deserve a better press.

Whip Smart: The True Story of a Secret Life by Melissa Febos (2011)

Abandon Me: Memoirs by Melissa Febos (2017)