The Clueless Politician and the Dominatrix

"What are you willing to give me if I deliver him over to you?" So they counted out for him thirty pieces of silver. 
- Matthew 26:15

Guess that is how much a cabinet post goes for these days. Last night I watched a segment on Newsnight – the BBC’s current affairs program - about John Wittingdale, Britain’s Culture Secretary. He admitted he had been in a relationship with a sex worker - more specifically a dominatrix.

“He did not know about the woman's occupation when they were together” Now really? Of course “he ended the relationship as soon as he was made aware of her job.”

How could I know "that woman" [is way too cool for me?]
She didn't like Fifty Shades. How could I tell?

I beg you pardon. He did what? And they were together from 2013 to 2014? The first question obviously is what did she ever see in him? Guess even mistress gets it wrong sometimes. The next thing that comes to mind is Britain’s national safety. Apparantly having a prime minister who hides his money abroad, while judging others for doing so is not enough. If you want to become Britain’s Culture Secretary, these days the job requires you to have a moral backbone made out of cotton candy.

Let’s back up. From 2013 to 2014 is on average a year. If you are with someone for 365 days, you must like her. There is no way in the world you cannot know she is a pro-domme. The first question is: “does it matter?” Of course not. I know, I keep going on how it is all about the woman, not the mistress. For the first time in my life, [deep down] everybody agrees with me, whether you like it or not.


A woman’s perspective
Let me put it another way. Women always test us men. The big ones usually come within the first three months of the relationship. Generally after sex, what else is pillow talk for? They try to find out how you feel about relationships in general, marriage and kids. Basically they are looking for how compatible the two of you are. I find it impossible to believe that a woman will not tell you she is a dominatrix at one point or another.

On the other hand a politician who dumps a woman – whether he loves her or not – with total disregard for the feelings of his future ex, it has to be a true story.

What I don’t buy, is how he dumped her the very moment he found out she was working as a dominatrix. Did anything change? She turned into a Martian on the spot? To me that is the very definition of a bad person. On top of that he is lying through his teeth. Why? Because women simply don’t invest time in a man without some possibility of a joint future.

Women understand being a dominatrix can be a dealbreaker. It’s scary shit for most people. No problem, to each his own. That’s why women tell such things early on, usually around date number three. The whole notion of not knowing, is about as silly as finding out one year on, she has three kids, who come to dinner every other Saturday.

Maybe it was the kink what brought them together in the first place. Still, so what? The best thing the general public can wish for is an elected official who has a happy and balanced private life.


What about the press?
It gets worse. The Newsnight item reports how four major papers did not report the story at the time, citing the usual “private life” stuff. As Culture Secretary, Mr. Wittingdale is responsible for press regulation decisions. Some accuse the press of stocking up the story for future use. Knowing the sword of Damocles is hanging over your head, makes you vulnerable. It reflects on Britain’s press even worse. What is the point in having an independent press anyway, one wonders.

It also reminds me of two older stories. First there is Natalie Rowe, a former dominatrix whose attempts to get her story out on her relationship with George Osborne, Britain’s Chancellor of the Exchequer, are thwarted. Reading between the lines, it feels like government harassment. Most major news outlets haven’t been following the story.

Then there is Max Mosley, former president of FIA, a motoring organisation, whose private life was splattered across the frontpages of the tabloids in 2009 because he enjoyed BDSM. Whatever he does, is of no concern to the general public, but the tabloids saw an opportunity to make a quick buck and ran the story anyway. It was pretty ugly, the kind of “look at him” [having a bit of innocent fun].

Later he appeared on Newsnight discussing Britain’s press. It takes a lot to earn my respect, but he did. It doesn’t matter whether you’re rich, poor, famous or anonymous, but to talk about what happened to you personally on national television in an intelligent, balanced and insightful manner shows character.

So the press loves to report when the story sells clicks – and where those involved are not politicians. Relevance comes second to money when deciding on whether or not to run the story. That’s bad, but what else is new? If the press ever was the final frontier defending our democratic freedom, those days are long gone.

To me, it is not about how the press misbehaves, but about someone who is nominally a man at best. Of course some men have girlfriends and wives who work as pro-dommes. But any decision regarding going public rests solely with the two of them. Some couples are open about it. Others decide not to. But as a man, you know one thing: if the shit hits the fan, you stand beside her, come what may. That is part of the deal, albeit neither of you hopes that day will ever come.

But a man who is in a relationship with a woman – claiming not to know what she does for a living – and [assumingly] ending the relationship when he finds out, makes you wonder “what’s love gotta do with it?” Thank you, Tina Turner.

So yeah, nobody likes it when I say femdom is not real for me or that I don’t like the lifestyle or blindfolds. I don’t, because they take away the cornerstone of any relationship: two people who love and trust each other. Perhaps not in a way the world can understand, but so what. I never truly grasped Einstein’s general theory of relativity either. As a mathematical theory that is, not as in everything is always in flux when you are a politician who lies about the woman he loves [alledgedly].


Notes:
Of course I couldn't resist poking fun of a politician who loves his career more than his girlfriend, so I wrote a handy guide with 11 clues to find out whether or not your girlfriend moonlights as a dominatrix.