Disconnect: Sadism is not BDSM

To me kink is about fun, something impossible to explain to vanilla people. In the end femdom has to be rewarding for both the dominant partner and the submissive one. For me, just like most men, visual clues work best. That's probably why I like Tumblr. There are a few exceptions.

Him, naked and collared make this image "extreme" to vanilla people.

I love it. The intensity, his eyes, her grip (which he loves). Good things do happen.

Connecting People
Whatever else kink may be, in any session or relationship the interaction between two people is central. Even better when that interaction turns into some sort of connection. Those things take time. To give and take without loosing the human touch makes play more intense. If you are a sadist and just that, such a concept will be hard to understand. A person whose only wish is to see someone suffering ad infinitum, makes for a very limited character. Someone probably best to be avoided. Without realizing it, they have become a slave to their desires. And no, that is not in the least bit funny. Of course there is a lot of talk about caring dommes and whatever subs, but unless there is more than a domme's desire for someone else's tears, as a slave maybe you should think again.

Nothing Else Matters
The last couple of days I read quite a few things I didn't like. This post was triggered by a Tumblr blog of a man who calls himself a sadist and nothing else. His Tumblr blog is a barrage of women in tears and agony. At times, I wondered, whether all images were consensual. No joy, no bliss, nothing else, not even two people in those images. Not a single one of those women was smiling. Even if it is consensual I find something like that hard to look at. Strangely it also has to do with my personal preferences. When I see a guy suffer, I always assume it is voluntarily, not matter how extreme it is. With a woman - right or wrong - it is different.

Once I realized how hard it is to look at those images - they might very well be what those women want - I began to relate to vanilla people and the difficulty they have understanding BDSM. It has to be impossible to understand that people one cares about, enjoy giving up control and suffer. How do you explain to them that even while it hurts - no acting there - at the hands of someone you love, kink is something that actually makes you happy. For the lucky ones, play can even strengthen the connection between them.

Aggressive or intense? Kissing is always good. He taller than her, he has to lean in to kiss her.
Even on his knees, he probably is still about her height. But why does she need to force him?

More Than Meets The Eye
Still, a blog that has nothing more to offer than tears and misery, without a single image before or after the session, I just don't like it. At first I found it boring how "Divine Bitches", a femdom video label, included a before and after the session in their videos. Most of the time the slave's smile was bigger afterwards, obviously. It took me a while to realize including that footage actually is a good thing. Those raw emotions, before and after a session show whatever happened is consensual, a source of happiness. Seeing that won't help vanilla people understand the appeal of BDSM, but it will help BDSM gain acceptance more than any Fifty Shades novel ever can.

Below one of the posts that got me cross. Don't worry it is not extreme. This one is about the comment:

"Their ain’t nothing like takin a mistress and breaking her back down into a horny slut that likes it rough."

Bon Jovi is playing in the back of my mind, somehow morphing "You Give Love a Bad Name" into "You Give BDSM a Bad Name". To be honest, I'd like to have a talk with him, "mano a mano". I'll even leave my trusted baseball bat at home. Guess today is not the day for kind and fuzzy stuff. That's OK.