Despicable (Minion) Porn. It Exists. There is Porn Of It

All of a sudden I start to worry: Am I some Uber-freak, as in a freak among freaks? What is wrong with me that I do not enjoy Minion porn?

Sponge Bob anyone?

I am a guy who loves women of all sizes, shapes, colours, ages and backgrounds. I still haven't figured out exactly what their common denominator is, except for their smile. Next to that I love my kink: sadistic women who revel in my vulnerability, surrender, helplessness and suffering. Terms and conditions apply.

Red dominatrix
of Roger Rabbit

Imagine my surprise when I found out there is something called Rule 34: "If it exists, there is porn of it. No exceptions" Loving all things Japan, I'm thinking I should have known better. OK that's not really fair. Apologies. Apparently some people take rule 34 so seriously it has its own Wikipedia entry.

Being kinky I'm no stranger to fetishes, but for the most part I consider them an extension of my appreciation of the beauty of women. After all the loveliest distance between two points is a curve. Leather, latex and rubber emphasize a woman's curves in such a addictive way. Boots and high heels show her legs and behind from such a lovely perspective, it makes it even less possible to ignore. A whip is just a whip, but in mistress' hand the implement is transformed into something different altogether. Perhaps a promise of sorts. A painful one, most likely. My most "extreme" fetishes include the occasional fondness of gloves - no idea why - and jodhpurs, I can only assume they work their magic in a similar fashion as lovely latex and her friends do. But then again those are not even real fetishes, just nice additions.

If I try really hard I can imagine cartoon character Jessica Rabbit as some kind of dominatrix, or perhaps Snow White's evil stepmother, she is cut out for the part. But when I run into Family Guy femdom or Smurf Girl administering some blue Strumpf his punishment, that is beyond silly. Of course Miss Piggy dominating Kermit is funny, but sexy, interesting or exiting? That is more than a stretch to far. Yet Rule 34 is for real. It has to with its own Wikipedia entry.

Mrs. Yellow will see you now. (Source Christopher & Eli)

Guess the final verdict is that I am not that kinky after all. My love is of the scale, but as far as kink goes I might as well start reading Fifty Shades, I am that mundane. Then again can you blame me when some poor lonely soul creates his own Minion BDSM porn?

Where can I find the yellow room of pain? (Source: Christopher & Eli)

In an interview with The Wrap ‘Minions’ creator Pierre Coffin explains why none of his animated little yellow helpers are female.

"Seeing how dumb and stupid they often are, I just couldn’t imagine Minions being girls.”

Thank you very much sir, as if Rule 34 isn't bad enough.