Wednesday, April 02, 2014

The Internet Killed Kink

People were into BDSM long before the internet was invented. A post about Ava Taurel reminded me of the feelings I associated with BDSM before I knew what it was all about. My mind painted me a picture of BDSM a delicious, dark, forbidden and mysterious world. It made it all the more desirable.

Ava Taurel
Source: Legends of dominance

More than just kink
The Domme Wife blog wrote about the story of Ava Taurel, a world renowned, New York based dominatrix and the movie that was made out of her life. When I saw the images I realized how different the world looked decades ago and how the internet changed BDSM. I am not referrreferring to Fetlife or curious couples looking to spice up their love life.

What I am talking about is a feeling. BDSM is more than just kink to me. Not in the way of a lifestyle but the attraction of a dark forbidden and mysterious world, unknown to most people. Like an almost impenetrable secret located at the heart of a maze you have to learn to navigate before you can get to the treasure at the center. A place you can only reach if you are truly determined.

"Black is such a happy colour"
And in more ways than anyone will ever know

Life in the shadows
I always had a thing for life in the shadows. I love the night. It sucks me in. The twilight zone is where I feel comfortable and happy. Life in the shadows is about being different, darker, richer and better in a non-conventional way. Darkness offers freedom and room for opportunity. Not everybody is able to appreciate what goes on in the shadows. The other side appeals to a certain type of person. One who accepts and sometimes yearns for the risks inherent to life in the shadows. Someone who sees a touch of magic where others see nothing but darkness. When the night falls, the element of danger becomes much more pronounced. It is always present, part of the attraction and sometimes it is its own reward. There is not just a single shadow world but a continuum of dark and mysterious places. They are right in front of us, only visible to the privileged few. The world does not know of or more likely does not want to know they are there.

The risk, mystery and darkness of such a world attracts me, in ways I cannot escape. As a teenager I imagined it was what the world of BDSM would feel like: a dark place, independent of space and time bringing happiness to those who are drawn to it.

"You might find a nice girl to be miserable with."

"I like being miserable."

Normal is an illusion
The Adams Family could have lived in one of those worlds. A black and white twilight that mirrors our world in most ways.
"This morning when I woke up and the sky was all dark and cloudy, I knew right then and there that this was going to be a lovely day.”
— Morticia Addams
For the Addams family pain is good and happiness is bad. Their shadows, their rules. We can judge them but they do what makes them happy even if it is a little odd. I image how people pretend the house is not there when they pass by the Addams residence. Morticia and Gomez are deeply in love and have a happy marriage. People understand that and want the same. Search for: "I want a love like Gomez and Morticia Addams." Morticia herself said it best:
"Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly."

"I've been yours since that first day you carved my initials in your leg."

The internet did it
Lisa Simpson lives in her own not very attractive pitch black world. At the age of nine she knows for sure the fate of love is sealed:
“Romance is dead - it was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece.” 
The internet did a similar thing to almost everything else. Feelings, emotions and personal preferences have become commodities to be bought and sold. It made part of the magic that is BDSM, disappear. You are dancing in your favourite club. At 6 in the morning, they switch the lights back on. It is still the same club, but you don't feel like dancing anymore.

Whenever you google something kinky you have to wade through tons and tons of porn, making it almost impossible to find what you want. Everything is for sale. Is your niche balloon fetish and are you looking for redheads with pink balloons? Should not take more than five seconds to find every variety you can think of and then some. That is why the internet killed kink. It made the shadows disappear. Mammon slaughtered magic.

"Don't torture yourself Gomez. That is my job."


Let's be honest. Things come and go. The shadows may have disappeared but overall the internet is a good thing for the BDSM community. Good quality information is available. Communities like Fetlife and Collarme help people meet others. Communication has become so much easier. Online creativity surged. The internet has changed the face of BDSM forever. The outside world is now much more aware of BDSM. In itself that is a good thing. Let's just hope awareness breeds acceptance. Unfortunately loss of privacy increasingly looks like the price of admission to the internet and life. One shadow disappears and another shadow rises. Life never is a zero-sum game.

"What if you met just the right man, who worshiped and adored you, who'd do anything you say, who'd be your devoted slave? Then what would you do?" "I'd pity him."

"You have married Fester, you have destroyed his spirit, you have take him from us. All that I could forgive. But Debbie..." "What?" "Pastels?"

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